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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mates Rates

39 replies

GrandMarmoset · 26/04/2016 11:36

AIBU to be getting royally pissed off? I have always struggled financially (single mum, lowish income etc.) and a year ago decided to quit and start my own business. This was never going to make much money. I accepted that I would be far worse off, but it was more a quality of life issue. My charges are competitive and people I haven't met previously never question them. However, my friends who are without exception, far better off than me, invariably ask for mates rates. Some even tell me what they will pay me, not even asking my rates. Now, I do appreciate them giving me the business, but if I was supporting a friend in a new venture, I would absolutely insist on paying the going rate. I have done all these jobs at vastly reduced rates but as I am living hand-to-mouth, I am beginning to get fed up. AIBU or am I a mug? I'm really bad at confrontation and discussing money.

OP posts:
funniestWins · 26/04/2016 12:33

You're a mug! No offence. I'm using your expression Smile

You either do it for cost price so you're not out of pocket (on the proviso you can afford it) or charge full price.

I'm very good at what I do, a senior position working within a large corporation. I'd absolutely fail running my own business as I'm terrible at directly getting the money.

If something is an introductory offer then treat it as such and bump up to 100% next time.

Be proud of whatever it is you do and charge what you think it / you / your time is worth.

redskirt3 · 26/04/2016 12:36

Grrrr YANBU. My DP has/had a bad habit of saying he knew so-and-so who was a such-and-such and therefore he would be able to get mates rates. As a self-employed worker this makes me ropable! My business is not the sort that most of my friends need to use, so I have never been asked for mates rates. But I have struggled to explain to DP that the people he would ask for mates rates need to put food on the table and they do this by charging for their product/service. I think some people who have only ever been paid a wage from an employer see the cost of a product/service as pure profit and can't understand that there are so many hidden costs that the profit is much much less than they world think. DP hasn't made one of these comments for a while but I'm still not sure he really gets it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/04/2016 12:49

I also think you need to be firmer with people OP.

As others have said, real 'mates' will value your work enough to pay a decent rate! They will also appreciate that you need to feed yourself and your DCs!

peggyundercrackers · 26/04/2016 12:51

don't give a discount to your mates - value the work you do.

make up two rate cards - one for people who you don't know and shows jobs priced correctly. the other card make it more expensive - so if a friend asks to see your prices show them the expensive card and say you will take 10% off but when you do that you know that you are charging your normal rates.

MadamDeathstare · 26/04/2016 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lazyafternoon · 26/04/2016 14:15

It would really annoy me!

Ideally it's best to be upfront. Tell them you've had to put your prices up, but don't worry you'll still give them a % discount. So say normally you'd charge £50 but mates rates you'll do it for £45 type thing. Make sure you can afford to do it at the price you're charging. Tell them before they ask - give them a bit of warning, so 'from next week' or something. Or you tell mates that you've got really busy and can only do mates rates if you've got last minute availability. You can't turn away a full paying client for a mate getting a discount. Tell them and be honest about it - they'll either pay full price or accept they have to fit in when you can squeeze them in to get a discount.

Original poster
GrandMarmoset · 26/04/2016 14:35

I'm so glad you all seem to think the same way. You have also given me very good advice regarding how to respond. Thanks. It also horrifies me when I see people at a social event approach lawyers, doctors etc for a free consultation. It makes me fume. My dad is a retired solicitor and there's always someone who will approach him saying, " Ooh, just the person......." I am always amazed at how polite he manages to remain, while gritting his teeth.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 26/04/2016 15:02

When it's doctors, vets, lawyers etc I think it's ok if you're saying "should I take this leg / rabbit / party wall issue to a professional?" but not if you're asking for their professional services. A professional recommendation, if you like.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2016 15:13

Nip that shit in teh bud, Grand. And look at it this way, they are taking money from your daughter with their fucking cheek. Practice saying what Falling wrote in a mirror, over and over and over again. Until it becomes entirely natural to you. And that's why you tell anyone who asks for mates rates or has the brass neck to try to dictate to you what is acceptable payment.

justmyview · 26/04/2016 15:16

You might be willing to work at a loss on some jobs to build your reputation & get experience / exposure. Otherwise, a compromise would be to say "I'm so busy now, I can only spare the time to take 2 jobs per month at mates rates. I could fit you in in October if you're willing to wait"

People can be perverse. Offering mates rates may give an impression that you're not very busy and this is more of a hobby. Once friends see that other people are willing to pay full whack and you're in demand, they'll be falling over themselves to book your services.

Original poster
GrandMarmoset · 26/04/2016 15:16

Practicing as I type this expat.

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 26/04/2016 15:26

This post reminds me of a friend I had as a hairdresser many years ago.she was setting up on her own and kept telling me I could have free haircuts but she would have to charge for colour. I kept nodding but never went. She mentioned it one particular evening and I said I was having an interview later that week. She said why don't I get my hair done. So I went a long and she did a lovely style and I put a fiver down as a tip.

As I got home my phone was ringing and it was her almost screaming at me the she couldn't afford to do people's hair for free and she was a professional!

By the time I recovered from the shock I just did, well you told me to come along for free. She just said 'oh, yeah' and hung up!!
I didn't bother with her much after that, too much drama!
( not relevant to the thread but reminded me )

Original poster
GrandMarmoset · 26/04/2016 17:36

Well that's weird whathaveilost. You must have found yourself questioning your sanity.

OP posts:
SimpleSimonThePieMan · 26/04/2016 18:25

I do some work for friends sometimes and always try to give mates rates. Without fail they tell me to piss off and insist on paying full whack! It gets to a point where I just do it for free!

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