aibu to think my baby is better of in nursery than with me

[ithinkitstimeforanamechange]

I had dc6 6 months ago. I have pnd but it's just a worsening of a long term cycle of depression and anxiety. Normally it's better controlled. I don't do anything with her , I care for her but that's all I can manage. I have started self harming again after many years.

I am on my third type of antidepressant as the others haven't worked.

I work with dh in a company I own I can go back any days any hours I like but at this point I'm thinking that the baby would be better of in a nursery or with a childminder in the day because I just think she deserves more !

I have no idea how I will cope going to work I might feel worse but aibu to think this is the best for my children?

Is it an option for you to arrange childcare just to give yourself a bit of breathing space? You're sounding very overwhelmed. Please be kind to yourself. You haven't chosen to be ill.

It might be good for you to go back to work part-time. You are in a good position to try a few hours to begin with. What is best for your children is that their mum is as well as possible

Aww sweetheart, I just want to give you a big cuddle.

Have you tried getting a referral to counselling if the tablets aren't working? Perhaps talking these feelings through will be beneficial to you.

I'm sorry, I'm not very good with advice but I didn't want to read and run.

I do think though that whether you're at work or not the depression will still be there. If you can try to get control of it then you can enjoy the rest of your mat leave. :)

Things will get better you just have to find a way to move forward. Have you spoke to your OH about it? Xx

Testing - I would only be able to pay for childcare if I was working we don't have a huge amount spare when I am not

I could do say 3 full days a week but couldn't do half a day each day or similar just because I don't drive and it takes me about a hour each way to get there so it just seems pointless for a half day!