DH has always been a workaholic even when young, free and single so he is out at work 7 days (and nights) a week.
I worked (self employed) around childcare with ds aged 7. Dh and I had decided to have another dc last year, I was very unwell throughout pregnancy and 2nd ds was delivered prematurely by emergency c-section but is thankfully doing well and is now 4 months old.
Our current income is now only dh's and we are not entitled to benefits. DH didn't take time off to visit whilst baby was in NICU as he is also self employed and said that he couldn't afford to lose money ( he popped in with some flowers and then left me in high dependency unit and went about his business as usual) I had a prem baby in nicu and DS7 at school, and was readmitted to hospital twice after discharge for my own illness, dh was out working from 8am to 11pm because in his words "Stuff still needs to get paid". I thought I'm doing the bfing and dealing with the reflux and school runs and dh is out grafting so no help at night or all day but he is working sooo hard so I cant complain.
Anyway... I have since discovered that he didn't pay rent, gas, electric, internet...you name it he didn't pay it.
I have tried to ask him what he has been doing with his earnings (he doesn't drink, gamble or buy flash things to my knowledge. He hasn't got any credit cards or loans that I know of) He is insistent that it is none of my business as I'm not contributing at the moment, and even when I was I earned far less than him. He says that I owe him £14,000 (what he spent on his half of the rent when we lived at a previous property in Greater London. He considers that since we only lived there because I didn't want to live with his parents, I need to reimburse him) and that I am therefore in no position to start questioning him about unpaid rent and bills. He says I've been doing nothing for a year (my last payment came 4 months ago not 12!?) and that I live off him for free.
I feel stupid for not having my own income, but this isn't some guy I barely know. This is my husband and we have been happily bringing up ds7 together, I have been on a maternity break before and it was all ok. The new baby was planned and finances were thought about in advance, dh even sat down with his glasses on, bank statements and a calculator! He was quite methodical and even wanted me to be a sahm for a while. So his new attitude has come from nowhere.
I had savings for day-to-day, ie travel, food, school stuff, dinner money, nappies, but I haven't got the money to clear the unpaid rent or bills. I have been making childcare enquiries and trying to arrange work since I found out so that I can start earning again quicktime and pay back all this money that we now owe.
I feel like leaving dh and going down south to my family (we moved up here for his work) and have told him that. He says that I can't because he wouldnt be able to fit access to dc in as he is working 7 days a week. He is around early in the morning and late at night so it only works if we are all under the same roof. I see his point and I know that he loves dc very much. I just have so many questions and he won't answer any of them. I don't want to break up the family home over money, but this man is driving me crazy!