AIBU to decline baby shower on principle.

[selly24]

Hate the idea of baby showers. Friend of mother to be sent out message asking for availability of guests so she can set a date.
Would be an easy, polite 'previous engagement' regret reply if date was set...trickier given the above...

Part of me wants to reply with a PA vent.
Just hate the materialism with any kind of shower - in addition have spent time with mother to be recently and gave couple of
£££ baby/mum to be gifts on that occasion....
Is there any way I can get out of this, assert my view and still be polite?...

"This is so mean. I had a baby shower organised by a friend and it had nothing to do with gifts"

Not a shower then.

But OP, just sound busy and say they shouldn't organise anything around you. Then decline when an invitation arrives. No need for any fuss at all.

Just say your busy if you don't want to go. The only time I've ever been to a baby shower is when my friends sister did a surprise one - I went because my friends hubby is an idiot and she really needed her friends support when preggers - it was a nice way of showing our support. It was more fun than I thought actually and was a lovely way to catch up with old friends.

If someone wants to have a party with a baby theme because they're pregnant then they can. I can promise you she doesn't give a shit about your view and you'll just take the shine off her party. Why on earth anyone would think they've the right to pontificate about baby showers to people holding them is beyond me. Horribly bad mannered.

People are right snooty about stuff having principles is about doing the right thing not turning your nose up at a get together for a mum to be who is meant to be your friend.

I think the American-style baby shower proper is a little different to its UK incarnation.

The ones I've been to have just basically been tea parties with some twee little games thrown in. Some people bring presents but they're not really the focus.

I still wouldn't want to have one myself but I wouldn't turn down an invitation to one. I like cake too much.

I've only been to one baby shower, and I was pleased to go to that as the Mum to be had gone through many years of fertility treatment. I don't recall a massive expectation for gifts to be taken. I would say that the majority were small gifts for the Mum to be, like books, magazines and chocolates etc. If I remember correctly we were given a small gift as a thank you for coming!

I think a genuine celebration is nice, an opportunity to send out a gift list however is not!

Think you have made a good decision. No need to give your view of baby showers- just generally be non-committal about it all then decline when they give you the date.

Why would you want to 'assert your view'? Just don't go if you don't like them. I think you sound pompous if I'm honest and I'm pretty sure if you 'assert your view' you won't be invited to any other events anyway.

I had one that my sister organised and I specifically said don't worry about presents as it was just an opportunity to meet up with all of my friends before the baby came.

So call it a pre-baby meetup if that's what it is.

I give a present when the baby is safely here.

LOL, I will tell friend's friend who's organising the one I'm going to shortly that she's not to call it a 'baby shower', but a 'pre-baby meet-up' instead. That wouldn't be weird.

There's no expectation of presents at the one I'm going to (i.e. M2b has said no presents), but I'm sure most of us will take something small along.

So call it a pre-baby meetup if that's what it is.

Eh? Call it whatever you want!

That's a bit like saying if you're not going to go and get wrecked in a sticky-floored nightclub with deelyboppers and a stripper you can't call it a hen do, you have to call it a 'pre-wedding female meetup' instead.