to think this has worked out very nicely for dh?

[DorothyL]

Last week ds was ill - dh couldn't possibly afford to miss work...so I did
Since yesterday dh is ill and has completely shut down - he helped get ds ready this morning, otherwise nothing.

I feel awful but went to work because I can't have more time off....

I don't have the option because I can't take more time off and because I have three children that need looking after, one with sn.

In practical terms, DH's day off today is not having an impact on whether you can take a sickday - the thing that's preventing you taking a sickday is your having taken the day for your DS's illness. So maybe the priority should be agreeing that you each take equal days off for kids' sickness? Or if practical having an emergency fund to arrange childcare for those days?

It really does depend on if he could have taken the time off work not. Some times I can take last minute time off at other times it would cause my reports and myself a massive problem depending on what if happening (projects at key stages and I do various shoots and stuff which involve coordinating a lot of different third parties).

If it was genuinely a time where he couldn't take it off work then that cannot be helped.

Regarding the situation now it is very unfortunate you are both ill and if he is well enough he should try and do a few things.

However just because you are well enough and would be able to do then doesn't automatically mean he is. Our whole house caught a bug recently, he children and DH felt just a little poorly but could still do whatever they fancied. I ended up in hospital I was so ill (fast tracked through A&E by out of horse doctor).

So to summarise if he is capable of doing more he should be. It's quite possible to be too sick to go to work but well enough to wipe sides / put a wash on.

However if he is genuinely too ill then it's just unlucky.

Why can't you take more time off? Because you've used up all your leave, or because you don't get sick pay, or because you've already used too much unpaid leave?

If you don't get sick pay, that's unfortunate but that's not his fault. He shouldn't force himself into work just because you can't take more time off.

I don't understand your point about DC, though. Why does your DC's SN mean that you can't take more time off work?

Why does your DC's SN mean that you can't take more time off work?

^ I would guess, from my experience at least, that the OP has had to take more time of work than you would normally expect.

One of my DC is disabled and between incidents, increased needs, appointments and lack of suitable childcare, we need to have more time of work for her than the others.

Hermione op said she didn't have the option because she couldn't take time off work AND she has 3 children that need looking after, one with SN, not that she couldn't take time off BECAUSE of the DC.

It was only one sentence so I don't really understand how your confusion arose.

Chemistry is right. Also, ds having sn means that even if I wanted to I couldn't just "leave everything bare the necessities" once back from work. The necessity is that ds needs supervision at all times.

I can't take any more time off because I'm a teacher and my classes and colleagues would suffer.

Another thread, another day you would have loads of support. The earlier posts set the tone unfortunately, of course yanbu, you are both ill, things need to be shared. On MN there are thousands of DHs doing their fair share and more, taking equal responsibility for DC and not prioritising their own jobs over their DWs. The reality for most women I know in RL is much more as you describe.

You shouldn't have taken last week off. Sounds like DH said his work was more important and you agreed. This week he thinks his work isn't important. Was last week really genuinely a heavier week at work?

What would have happened if you had said "I can't take the time off, you will have to."? That's what he did to you isn't it?

Tonight, why don't you just tell him you are ill too and he has to help, even if he feels bad too?

Are you scared of him?

It's about how you were raised. I wasn't allowed to be ill as my mum didn't want to take care of me. I had an upset tummy and felt ill, but I took the dog for an hour, with dcs. I also had a bad back and carried on. Dh came from a home where he was looked after when he was ill. He rests and takes painkillers etc.

As you are a teacher I can fully understand why you can't take more time off.

I think that you need to take a step back and try to objectively look at how your DH Is and work out if he is genuinely I'll enough to not be able to anything but recover.

If he isn't that I'll then I would calmly but firmly say you expect him to help out with xyz.

Once you are all feeing well again, I think you need to have a proper chat about sharing responsibility for time off to look after DC when they are ill.

Trying to do it whilst you are annoyed and both ill will not be productive. When you are both feeling good there is a much better chance of coming to a sensible agreement.

I get the impression that you are always the one to take time off, sorry if that is wrong.

If he refuses to a joint split (excluding genuinely hectic times at work for either of you) then I think that will show a distinct issue with the way he sees both of your roles.

Regardless of who is wrong/right, I really hope you feel better soon, OP. It sounds like life is busy enough anyway, without all the sickness

Thank you

I have had the "I can't possible take time off because DC is ill" line too. You have my sympathy. Now he is probably in full man flu, useless mode when you are expected to soldier on?

Its not his fault that he is now ill, presumably caught it off the DC? look after yourself and get early nights, the laundry can wait and buy in food if not up for cooking.

Frankly in ourr house there is a power struggle and DH seems to perceive that it would look bad of he asked for time off at short notice to cover illness but its ok for me, even though I earn more.