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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unreasonable to beep at elderly drivers?

67 replies

Pixienott0005 · 25/04/2016 09:34

Is it unreasonable to beep your horn at elderly drivers? I over heard a conversation in the shop where an old man pulled out on a mini round about, the driver beeped but the old man pulled over as it scared the shit out of him being beeped at. Frightened of the driver by the sounds of it.

What else are you actually supposed to do? I beep at anyone if they don't see me but never thought about how old people might think and what it could do to them.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 25/04/2016 10:39

Yes, of course it's unreasonable to beep at elderly drivers, just as it's wrong to beep at the riskier groups on the road (the under 25s being far more expensive to insure because they have far more accidents per year) just because they are members of that group.

Beeping at driver, irrespective of age, who you do not think has seen you is of course fine.

Casual ageism is just as unlawful as sexism and racism.

MyBreadIsEggy · 25/04/2016 10:41

Cocktail believe me....all of us have had the same conversation with her. She will not drive for a couple of days, and then when she thinks people have forgotten about it she will drive again.
She is overly cautious, to the point where she has dropped down to second gear on a dual carriage way because there is a roundabout half a mile up ahead Confused obviously causing everyone else behind her to break harshly or think she has broken down Blush

eyebrowse · 25/04/2016 10:43

The problem with beeping at anyone is that often its not clear who is being beeped at.

Pinkheart5915 · 25/04/2016 10:44

I don't think people shouldn't beep at you based on your age, young or old if you make a mistake on the road why shouldn't you be beeped at.
If it frightens you that much you have to pull over, you probably shouldn't be on the road

Voteforpedr0 · 25/04/2016 10:44

Mybread - you have to report her to the police (community police maybe) they will talk to her and hopefully will take notice.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 25/04/2016 10:45

I was once cut up by the same driver, on two separate roundabouts. First roundabout fine, I let that one go. They pulled into the left hand lane of the bypass, I was in the right lane, so you'd think we were going in directions. Wrong! We both pulled out onto the roundabout, the driver pulls over in my lane, very close to my car, so yeah I did beep. That was bloody dangerous and it pisses me off when people are in a left hand lane but turning right.

MyBreadIsEggy · 25/04/2016 10:51

Vote Dh and I have talked about having the same talk with her again about her stopping driving, but taking both sets of her car keys with us when we go home Blush Or putting her car in the garage, locking the garage doors and taking those keys home rather than the car keys. A bit extreme, but I honestly think it might be the only way to stop her before she causes an accident!

Voteforpedr0 · 25/04/2016 11:03

Mybread - it must be very hard but I would take it into my own hands and hopefully prevent a bump or loss of life even.

BaskingTrout · 25/04/2016 11:13

MyBreadIsEggy my old next door neighbour when i was a child was like your relative. she was well into her 80s, driving a very old clapped out car that she had had forever and wouldn't listen to anyone who suggested she stop. maybe a visit from the police was what she needed.

I can sort of understand why she didn't want to stop, as she had never married, had no family and was scared of losing her independence. but she had basically demolished her front garden wall as she had hit it so many times and we, as children, knew to get the hell out of the road whenever we saw her.

in the end, the guy from over the road was so worried he went over and disconnected the battery in the car one night and told her it would take a while to get it repaired, so she had to use the bus in the meantime. she got used to public transport and didn't really drive after that.

funniestWins · 25/04/2016 11:29

Jengur

And if she refuses what exactly can the family do? It's not their fault at all. The responsibility lies with the dangerous driver

I don't entirely agree. We have a civic duty to report illegal activity. Some we can turn a blind eye to such as neighbour smoking a joint in their back garden. For me though, dangerous driving comes under 'should report'.

emaildvla.direct.gov.uk/emaildvla/cegemail/dvla/en/drivers_med_03.html

I'd rather have to do that (although hopefully my folks will be sensible when the time comes) than see them in court for killing someone due to dangerous driving.

Gatehouse77 · 25/04/2016 11:33

When we realised our mum was a danger to other drivers we had a talk, took the keys and she had no access to a car. It did mean between us we had to taxi her around at times or she took a taxi or she walked (which was limited to short distances).

It was hard/harsh but necessary. We were not willing to put ourselves, or our mum whose judgement was clearly impaired, through living with the consequences of a possible tragedy. A responsibility that was easily averted.

Does anyone know when GPs are going to be responsible for alerting the DVLA of unsafe drivers?

funniestWins · 25/04/2016 12:42

Does anyone know when GPs are going to be responsible for alerting the DVLA of unsafe drivers

Probably never due to complications with patient confidentiality. As well as that, at what point should they be reported? If they come in with a bowel complaint, for exapmle, but their GP thinks they look a little dodery?

NotCitrus · 25/04/2016 13:43

My mother has thankfully given up driving (she just doesn't notice things on her left hand side... like walls or HGVs...) but what persuaded her was a friend raving about how at "thieir time of life" they "deserved" to have chauffeurs rather than having to drive everywhere themselves. And thus she was using the kids' inheritance on an account with the local taxi firm.

My mum liked that logic and imperiously commands herself a cab whenever my dad isn't available.

Failing that, then I think family have to steal car keys or put the car out of commission if that's necessary to stop an unfit person driving it, whether an elderly person who's too nervous to make due progress, or a rebellious teen without a licence, or a parent with uncontrolled seizures, whatever.

summersky11 · 25/04/2016 13:52

Beeping is only ever ok to make a driver aware of your presence. It is never OK to use it as a means of expressing your impatience or with the intention of intimidating someone.
Yesterday I saw someone beeping again and again at a woman for not turning left at a traffic lighted T junction.The car behind her couldn't see that the left turn was gridlocked.
What a f***g nob head

TimeToMuskUp · 25/04/2016 13:57

I've been driving for 15 years and have beeped my horn twice in all that time, both times solely to alert another driver to my presence (one of whom carried on and drove right into me as I sat in Sainsburys carpark, I genuinely believe she was drunk).

The amount of times I've seen/heard drivers use theirs in anger is maddening; you don't beep someone in place of shouting "fucker" at them, it's not an extension of your aggressive driving, it's for showing someone you're there. If they've cut you up, they already bleeding know you're there. They just don't care.

pawsies · 25/04/2016 14:42

People who beep don't realise that it affects ALL the drivers around.

I have anxiety issues (although very mild) and if someone was to beep at someone else I would be looking all around to see what I'd done wrong.

It doesn't work for multiple cars. If you beep at someone who is alone then I think it just causes resentment and doesn't mean that person will stop what they are doing or drive faster etc. I mean how are you supposed to know what the beep means? Drive faster? Stop? Get out of the way?

Think about how you react when someone beeps at you before you beep at others.

FeralBeryl · 25/04/2016 14:47

You can ask the DVLA for advice Eggy
Her GP will also assist you if you ring them for advice.
We've had this situation a few times now Sad it's hideous and yes, it does upset the family member, but far rather that, as well as stepping in and being their transport than have to explain to someone's parents why she has run them over and killed them.

Collaborate · 25/04/2016 15:00

If they've cut you up, they already bleeding know you're there. They just don't care.

I don't know how you work that one out. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt and so assume they haven't seen me.

purplevase · 25/04/2016 15:58

If you have an (aged) relative who shouldn't be driving you report it to the DVLA.

And yes you should think before you beep regardless of the age of the driver. Remember other drivers don't always know who's beeping who and it can be very off-putting. And there can be pedestrians or cyclists around too who might think you are beeping them.

My mum always says if you have time to beep you have time to brake. She's right. I don't always follow her advice, but beeping is pointless unless doing so will avoid an accident.

YelloRoses · 25/04/2016 16:08

Not unreasonable but to shout and swear at them would be. If someone is scared though should be on the road

whois · 25/04/2016 16:17

If a driver is so scared by beeping that he has to pull over, he shouldn't be driving. Whatever his age

Yup.

Also you should beep like "BEEEEP" meaning "i'm here you idiot, you pulled out and nearly hit me" rather than "BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP" which means "I'm a total cunt, whatever wrong you did, I have totally over reacted"

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2016 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grimbletart · 25/04/2016 16:36

I'm an old biddy. I had a conversation with one of my DCs a few years ago, which I have repeated once or twice since. I said if ever she thought I should not be driving or even if she felt I was not as good as I was when I was younger she is to tell me. I will stop - immediately. Every person should have such a conversation with someone close to them. At the moment she assures me that I am fine. She feels totally safe with me and I am a hell of a lot more alert than many half my age.

Sometimes though, if we can tell an elderly driver it's time to cash in their wheels, can we also tell young boy racers to stop driving until they grow up? Or white van man to get off that bloody mobile before they kill someone. Or school run mum that it is not OK to be turning round to look at their kids in the back as they are as flipping menace.

Fair dos folks.

cleaty · 25/04/2016 17:03

The DVLA regularly gets relatives contacting them saying that x is no longer fit to drive. The DVLA then arrange an eye test or driving test, to check if that is the case.

If someone is beeping very aggressively and threateningly, that is wrong. And yes, that would scare some people.