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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu?

56 replies

FrizzyMcFrizzface · 24/04/2016 21:01

This is my first ever so please be gentle. I have flu. Feel really awful and have been in bed for 2 days. DH has been brilliant and looked after DSs really well (and me) but has given me a hard time about me suggesting he stays home from school (he is a teacher) to look after us all. He wants my parents to come but they don't live close and my DF has serious long term health condition and can't afford to get flu (he didn't have jab). DS2 is 3 and disabled and I am not well enough to look after him on my own. DS1 now also has a temperature and sore throat. DH has loads of 'events' going on at school tomorrow. AIBU to think that he should prioritise his sick family and stay home to look after us?

OP posts:
Pettywoman · 24/04/2016 21:24

You'll just have to stay in and get through it as best you can. Get DH to make pack lunches for you so you don't have to make food for dcs.

Ameliablue · 24/04/2016 21:24

It is perfectly possible that you have the flu as not everyone gets it so badly as pp have said.
I don't think a teacher could take a day off because his wife has flu though.

Ameliablue · 24/04/2016 21:26

Don't they understand that there are varying degrees of flu, just like there are of other illnesses. Or she might be just able to post (her OP probably took less than a minute to post). She may be managing her fever quite well with medication so can be lucid for a while.

This

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/04/2016 21:27

Sorry but yabu.

Musicaltheatremum · 24/04/2016 21:31

FGS not all people with flu are too ill to post on the Internet. We swab people with flu like illnesses in our practice. They come in to see us feeling awfu, so yes they can leave the house, we swab them and several come back suffering with influenza. It is a complete myth to say that if you have flu you can't post. My son contracted swine flu and yes he felt awful but he could do things.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2016 21:32

I think Yabu really.

Can you not just keep the kids home and have a duvet day with them? Maybe your Mum can pop over in the afternoon and amuse the kids for a while?

If you live in the middle of nowhere and have no public transport/no local family support network, it must be tough.

Original poster
FrizzyMcFrizzface · 24/04/2016 21:33

Have all the symptoms according to NHS website so that's what I think it is but prepared to be wrong/not seen a doctor. Dosed up on max paracetamol/ibuprofen/strepsils so am not in stupor like I was Fri night/Sat. Thanks for your comments, if I don't feel well enough to take DS2 to nursery, he can stay home and watch CBeebies upstairs, DS1 probably not going to school anyway. Will ask DH if he will come home during lunch break. Can always call school if I really can't cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrizzyMcFrizzface · 24/04/2016 21:35

Didn't post clearly earlier, DM lives in middle of nowhere, we are in town.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrizzyMcFrizzface · 24/04/2016 21:37

Thanks for the kind words, makes me feel a bit better. Flowers

OP posts:
Sparklycat · 24/04/2016 21:39

Yabu all the teachers I know don't even take days off if they're really sick themselves. It leaves a whole host of stuff to sort out when you go back in.

SnoozeButtonAbuser · 24/04/2016 21:40

I would get dh to put all three of you in the lounge before work with duvets drinks, snacks and some easy lunch (sandwiches or microwave meal). Then let him go to work. Stick the tv on and just get through the day until he can get back ASAP after class. If you really can't cope, he's close enough for you to make a call to ask him to come home ASAP.

RaeSkywalker · 24/04/2016 21:45

What does his contact say about taking leave for the sickness of dependants? Where I work we don't get paid for it. Just a thought anyway.

I feel for you OP but I think you need to at least try and tough it out. Your DH can leave you water and nibbles and, as you've said, he could maybe pop home for lunch. Call the school if you are really struggling. Could you get a friend to pick up your youngest for nursery?

RaeSkywalker · 24/04/2016 21:46

*contract, not contact!

Hepzibar · 24/04/2016 21:50

YABU, if you are posting on here you are ok.

Sounds like you are a bit mard.

EweAreHere · 24/04/2016 21:54

If you can't safely look after your disabled child while you're down with the flu, YANBU. He arranges childcare or stays home. I don't care if he's a teacher (and yes, I work in a primary school).

You can probably manage on your own for yourself, but not for a disabled child. That needs to be the priority.

Shallowstreams · 24/04/2016 22:00

I think everyone is being really mean here. You feel awful, you have vertigo issues and a disabled child who can't walk - I don't think it's the end of the world if your husband doesn't go to work for one day and looks after you all.

It's work. It doesn't matter

You are family

Orwellschild · 24/04/2016 22:00

Yanbu. People saying yabu are thinking of themselves - i.e teacher off, kids education messed up. Yanbu. Feel better soon op.

MammaTJ · 24/04/2016 22:05

I don't think you can cope, there is no one else, YANBU!

All fed, nobody dead, is the bare minimum of parenting and I don't think you can do that right now! Imagine if you went on a dizzy one carrying the LO down the stairs! Actually don't, it's too upsetting!

witsender · 24/04/2016 22:27

Teachers being off doesn't affect us, we HE. Grin If I were you I would barricade ourselves downstairs with bedding, cbeebies, films, all changing stuff needed and lots of tasty snacks and ready meals.

Ruthiesj · 24/04/2016 22:30

YANBU. There's a huge difference between having the capability/faculty to post on MN and being physically well enough to take care of a child with a disability which means they're unable to walk, as well as another child who appears to be coming down with something. The many posters saying OP can't have flu are misinformed and awfully patronising; just because your experience was different, that doesn't mean that's the only way it can present.

Just as everyone's experiences of other illnesses vary, so too can the flu. You have no idea how the OP is feeling or the severity of her various other symptoms.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 24/04/2016 22:45

Imagine the chances of all these posters having medical degrees and being able to diagnose you over the Internet! I have actually just nursed a man all day. Sick enough with flu to be hospitalised with the positive influenza swabs to prove it. And guess what? He spent a lot of the day on his phone.
I hate this, your not dying so suck it up and get on with it, your poor husband must go to work. They are his kids too! It doesn't matter what illness you have. If you feel too ill to even safely carry your children and look after them, especially a disabled child then that's that. You are not able to care for your children tomorrow therefore the only alternative is your husband. Sometimes, being a parent means shitty situations make you miss work when you really really need to be there. The world wont end, the schooI won't shut down, the kids won't fail their exams. I would be seriously pissed off if my husband left me and our children like that.

VimFuego101 · 24/04/2016 22:49

It depends on your 3yo's level of disability I guess. If not for that, I'd say just park yourselves on the sofa and get your DH to make you a packed lunch. But if he needs carrying and you can't carry him I can see it that you do need support.?

AnotherStitchInTime · 24/04/2016 23:04

What MrsRyanGosling said. I also regularly care for people with confirmed influenza who spend large portions of the day on their phone, some can even walk to the toilet by themselves Shock

I am the WOHP and have taken days off to care for DH and the children when he was too unwell to manage, sometimes you just have to put your family first.

The last time DH was unwell I returned home from work find him barely conscious and delirious. My 2 and 4 year old were being watched by my 6 year old. I dread to think what could have occurred if he had not phoned me and asked me to come home.

MrsBobDylan · 24/04/2016 23:19

Ah, yanbu. You don't feel well enough to look after your kids. Your dh is a teacher - he'll miss events at work but nobody will die. OTOH, if you need to carry your DS to the toilet or downstairs to feed him, you could have an accident.

Doesn't matter what his job is - his employers will cope, but you may not and you need him to look after his kids for a day.

Hope you feel better soon.Flowers

Original poster
FrizzyMcFrizzface · 25/04/2016 13:18

Thanks everyone. I actually felt worse this morning, thought I was going to pass out sitting up so DH took me to Drs. It is flu and dr said 7-10 days usually. DS1 really high temp and dr said he has it too. Also confirmed my DF and DM should not come due to DFs condition. So DH took DS2 off to school at lunch, will put him to bed for his sleep and then go back and teach this pm. It's been horrid for him. Just thought I'd update. Thanks for being so kind, been a long time lurker but never posted and I do feel love from you all x

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