Guest dropping on without prior warning

[Sunshine87]

Bu to request someone ring prior to dropping by unannounced?

My Aunt has a history of dropping by the house without checking first. Afew years ago she used to do it regularly. It would be at inconvenient time such as a Sunday evening around tea time after DP had been to work and we sorting tea and DS for bed.

Other occasions it would be through the week when both of had been to work and again trying to get DS sorted. On one occasion she actually stood over as we having our tea. My DA is my DM sister and lives alone she never had a partner or children. I get that she's lonely but when you got a family to see to,tired from work all you want to do is relax rather than playing host to someone. DA has just walks straight into the house without knocking. I spoke to my DM and it seemed to settle and when we moved house it stopped when we had DC2. We now had DC3 and now it seems to have started again the unannounced visits. Yesterday we were on our way out and we're finishing getting ready when my DA just walked straight into the house and dispite telling her we were actually going out she stayed for half an hour. DA is a lovely lady but sometimes she can be socially awkward and put her foot in it. With us having a newborn sometimes one of us maybe having a nap. Everyone else will contact prior to visiting and on occasions we have declined visitors on this basis of one of us having a rest
How can I approach this subject?

Well you are entirely in charge of how accessible your home is, how can anyone just walk right in? Start by locking the front door!

It's been on the odd occasion the door wasn't locked if we popped to get something from the car.

Just tell her. "We love having you to visit but would you mind calling ahead first? Just in case we have plans or its not a good time". If she's offended by that, so be it. It's not an unreasonable request. All you're asking for is a bit of consideration.

Always be on your way out when she pops in. Maybe she will get the hint.

Put a snub lock on the door so you don't need to remember to lock it.

Next time she does it, not matter what you are doing, say you are on your way out, and literally leave the house. Until you make it a waste of her time to bother coming o we she will do it again and again and again as you have always just let her come in.

Lock the door.
She knocks. You answer. Really sorry DA not convenient at the moment. How about come for dinner on Saturday? Agree to that. Close door.
Every time. Although doesn't have to be a dinner invite. Could be will call you later.

Lock the door. Don't answer it if inconvenient like I do

This would have been a lot ore fun if it had been about surprising your guests by randomly dropping on them.

My parents are very OK about people casually dropping by. People cast drop by their house all the time. They have lived in a village for 50 years. In fact, it would be considered odd if someone 'phoned first.

If it doesn't suit you, tell her. Say you love seeing her but you'd like her to text first, to give you a little advanced warning/so that you can tell her if it's not convenient.

Text is great for that sort of thing.

Or, you can start dropping on her. Perhaps lead up to it by dropping a few things on her first. That might put her off visiting.

Some people hate people dropping by unannounced, others don't mind it at all.

I think you should mention it as it is a reasonable request, but at the same time why don't you invite her over properly at an arranged time so you are in control of when the next visit is? Soften the blow and she will see that it can be far nicer to see you when you've prepared and are ready (you can mention this too when it goes well). Also ask her when she'd like you to pop over so it becomes more balanced.

It may be that she feels she'd never see you otherwise so she has to be pro-active?

To be fair to your aunt, this has been going on for years and you have never, until the last time, given her any indication that she was in the way. In fact you have welcomed her into the house and let her stay and watch you have tea, sort the kids out etc without letting on that actually this was a huge inconvenience. So it's no wonder she thinks it suits you.

You need to say something to her about how now you have 3 kids you can't accommodate random visits anymore, they need to be booked in advance, and you love seeing her.

And if she doesn't listen, then throw her out at the door, don't take 30 minutes about it 'Sorry, you should have rung, it's not convenient. I'll call you when I've got the diary out, sorry you've had a wasted journey. Byeee' Close door.

I hate people just dropping by, so much so my parents don't even do it, and I'd welcome them more than anyone haha. I also always let them know I'm coming over (weird habit). Maybe just start announcing every visit to DA and when she says "don't be silly you don't have to tell me first", tell her it's because you don't like it when people just drop in on you and you're trying to be polite.

YANBU. I would hate this. My parents and their sibs can do it, I've never lived near enough for family to do it, bar an uncle dropping in when he was close by on a job. It was literally coffee and goodbye as he had to get back to the airport.