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Original poster

Spending time with people ....

22 replies

lonerboner · 24/04/2016 09:21

Would you spend time with someone you didn't like just to please someone else?

Genuine question ....

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 24/04/2016 09:23

I probably would, but only because I don't like to upset people. And usually if it's someone I don't like it would be in part of a group and I don't want to miss out.

Unless it's a small meet up type thing, I'd just pay the person I didn't like as little attention as possible.

cleopatraseyebrows · 24/04/2016 09:24

I do it every day at work, keeps my employer happy. I grit my teeth at certain family gatherings, keeps the peace.
Obviously there are lines that can't be crossed but isn't it part of being an adult, sucking up the fact that we can't all like each other?

EatShitDerek · 24/04/2016 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mousefinkle · 24/04/2016 09:26

Not if I could avoid it. I'm actually pretty selfish and I don't go out of my way to actively please others, definitely not a people pleaser. So if there's someone I absolutely couldn't stand I wouldn't put myself through the torture of spending time with them just to please someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 24/04/2016 09:27

Impossible to say without knowing the circumstances. I spend time with my mil because I have to! If it were someone's friend that I didn't like but we were all invited to a dinner party together I'd go, but I wouldn't meet them for coffee on my own.

More details please. Smile

Gatehouse77 · 24/04/2016 09:31

Depends.

I've had to work with people I dislike, I have some relatives I dislike.

However, socially I tend not to choose to be around people I dislike unless it's part of a large gathering where I can avoid them.

That said, there aren't many people I actively dislike rather than those I don't necessarily gel with.

sonjadog · 24/04/2016 11:04

Depends on the situation. But if it was just that I disliked them rather than that they were going to be deliberately nasty towards me if I went, then yes, I'd probably go if it made someone I cared about happy.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 24/04/2016 11:04

Fuck no.

allowlsthinkalot · 24/04/2016 11:30

Depends how much time and who. If I didn't like a member of dh's family I would see them for his sake in limited doses. If my sister or best friend married a Dickhead I would see them for their sake in limited doses. If my dc make a friend I'm not keen on I will tolerate them coming over to the house, later the same goes for their partners.

I wouldn't tolerate abuse from someone and I wouldn't put my children in a situation where they were around someone abusive to them, no matter who it affected. And I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time in the company of someone I couldn't stand!

howmanyairmiles · 24/04/2016 12:08

All the time but its usually for work reasons. I have some clients with egos the size of a small planet on a personal level never.

I am quite happy to drop people who I don't want in my life.

CaptainWarbeck · 24/04/2016 12:15

Yep, spent time with SIL today when I would definitely rather not, to please DH. Within reason though. It was a quick cup of tea, not the whole day together.

What's your scenario?

Tiopyn · 24/04/2016 12:20

As others have said, it depends on the situation. If they were related to a partner or relative then I probably would, unless they were truly truly vile.
Or if we were going out as a group and this person was going. (Again excepting extreme personalities perhaps). But otherwise probably not.

RaeSkywalker · 24/04/2016 12:25

I went on a hen weekend last year despite the fact that someone I really don't get on with was there. The woman in question truly is a nasty piece of work but I made polite conversation and got on with it.

The bride is a close friend so I sucked it up for her. Would I do it for her again at a casual meet up in the pub? No.

What is your scenario OP?

Original poster
lonerboner · 24/04/2016 19:13

Ugh! I did it ...... Listened to all of you :)

Did it & just kept my mouth shut

Ok but not ideal .... But the person who wanted to be happy was happy I think!?!

You mighty wise mumsnetters

OP posts:
curren · 24/04/2016 19:16

Nope I refuse to spend time with dbro and Sil even though it upsets my mum.

Both dbro and Sil make no attempt to hide that they think their kids are more important than mine, to my parents.

My mum doesn't want me to challenge them as dbro 'throws a tantrum' (mums words, dbro is almost 40 and throws tantrums).

So I simply refused to be around them. If it upsets mum she can make the choice to either challenge them herself, or let me.

fakenamefornow · 24/04/2016 19:21

Probably, depends on the situation.

I think being around people you don't like is a useful life skill, especially if you plan on getting a job.

fakenamefornow · 24/04/2016 19:23

Both dbro and Sil make no attempt to hide that they think their kids are more important than mine, to my parents.

And do they actually say that? If so, in what context?

curren · 24/04/2016 19:32

And do they actually say that? If so, in what context?

Yes several times.

Dbro actually said (after the birth of his first) 'mum and dad must be so excited' I replied 'of course they are' he then said 'no I mean really excited, no day is more special than when your first born has their own child' - he is their first born (yes he did use the phrase 'first born')

He is obsessed with the fact that as the oldest and because he is a male, he is more important to mum and dad. You would think we were royals and he heir to the throne.

My son and their son have their birthdays 5 days apart. Sil organised an entire day out, 8-6, for her ds birthday on my sons birthday. Then demanded no one came to my sons birthday meal because her sons was more important.

The year later she tried it again. We booked ds' birthday party the weekend before his birthday. Sent the invites 2 months before. She claimed she had no clue we were having a party on that date. Even though she told me she had put it in the family diary.

She also told me that she 'hates' working mothers and thinks they should be banned from having kids.

There are many many times they have done things like this.

Junosmum · 24/04/2016 20:50

Depends who and why- good friends hen do, yes, good friend wanting to catch up with everyone in a given area because she lives the other end of the country, no.

Pixienott0005 · 24/04/2016 20:56

If I didn't I wouldn't be where I am now.

I have to spend time with people every week that I don't like but it's to please those close to me so I have to.

I wish I could be as brave to just do what I want and speak to who I want to, not have to. But that is childish and you get nowhere with that attitude so there you go.

HolditFinger · 24/04/2016 21:00

Nope. Life is too short I'm afraid. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone either.

Birdsgottafly · 24/04/2016 21:05

It depends on why I don't like them and their relationship to me.

There's family members of my ex that I didn't like because of their very different (bigoted) views. I avoided them at family do's.

He had friends that were sexist and one who was an outright woman hater. I refused to mix with them, at all.

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