AIBU to find this slightly odd?

[loobieloo32]

Hi just a bit of insight/opinions would be hugely appreciated.
I have an extremely good friend, and we ended up working in the same place. (Bit of background i was offered and applied for job first, other similar situations have happened where I've decided to do something and all of a sudden she does it too) It was great, however I decided to change jobs for work related reasons. Ive got a substantial pay rise and excellent prospects of career progression. Im very happy about it.Friend was very dismissive and critical tried to talk me out of it, wiped the floor with new company, said all kinds of things to put me off. even want so far as to suggest references might be an issue, etc etc

anyway, she has now told me she is applying to work in the exact same place as me. Now I really care about my friend and I have no problems working with her, but this type of thing is happening A LOT and I don't know how to tackle it, because it is starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Not all work related it can be as simple as i buy something, a week later she does. To be clear i think the world of this person and would be horrified if i hurt her in any way, but i feel a bit suffocated.
AIBU?

Yes you're probably right super, I suppose I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt!
Do you feel you can have that kind of conversation with her OP?

How old are you both OP. I think this sort of thing is quite common in teenage years and it happened to me when I was about 19. I can sort of understand the reasons for it happening at that age. That sort of behaviour now though 20 years later I would find far more sinister. I suppose what I'm saying is, is she old enough to know better?

Yes stop, like I said as OP really cares about her friend if she does then an honest chat and offering to help her are the best scenario.

However only OP and friend know if this will turn out ok.

I had a strange situation myself with a close friend last year who was I don't know very secretive and just strange on and off with me. I'm not saying I'm an angel fat from it but she was quite harsh with me and in the end we both had a heart to heart. To be honest our friendship has changed since then and when I saw her recently I was struck by the fact that we don't really have much in common and didn't have that much in the first place (we are still friends though). But I'm glad we cleared the air as she acted very strangely with me once or twice!

Thank you for your replies and thoughts, I have been much more guarded recently in telling her things but she can be quite persistent in finding out certain things. I do genuinely want to be a good friend and help-I'm not sure I am brave enough to sit down and say these things to her-but I will definitely think this through as an option.

I agree the job thing was strange as she basically told me I was throwing myself away by changing and said some really derogatory things about the company....then she wants in too??? I do think she is quite low in self esteem, I don't know why really, and I'm not sure how to help with this either....

I think I will try my hardest to create some distance... but quite difficult if she ends up at work as well :/ it's such a shame because it hasn't always been like this....

You need to go shopping and buy a load of hideous clothes. Invite her round for wine, parade them making a huge deal about how all celebs are dressing like this. Wait for her to buy them - return yours after and get something decent

Maybe hire a car and announce its your new one. When she buys a different one - get yours back out and voila! - different cars.

TBH it does sound incredibly creepy written down but I'm sure if you are good friends it really is that she looks up to you and wants to be like you.

Xi we are both in our late thirties 😕 can't even blame teenage angst :/

Can't you tell your new employers that friend keeps following you and you'd like to distance the friendship from work so she doesn't get the job.

That would make the Op seem a bit loony Boots

Doinmummy

If an employee confided in me that she would feel uncomfortable and why in the same terms that op has, I wouldn't think she was loony

Or you could make an appointment with some kind of behaviour therapist, (maybe even a group therapy), then tell your friend who may decide to join too. You could then bring up the problem during the therapy.

There is no guarantee that friend would get a job in the same company. Problem is she might try and use OP as a referee. She sounds envious of OP. I can just imagine having to spend lunchtime, trips to and from work together, ( no need to use two cars when one will do etc.), it would drive me batty.

Does this friend invade your home life too, inviting herself along when you go out as a couple? I imagine she is single while you are married.

Watch out she doesn't want your bloody husband next. She sounds a bit scary rather than odd. Very single white female.

This sounds very Single White Female, trying to get on the same medication as you pushes this in to the completely nuts category.

I'd say start therapy, or at least pretending to go to a therapist. From what you've said she sounds guaranteed to start therapy too, it could do her a lot of good.

But yes YABU to find this 'slightly odd', you should be finding it extremely odd and/or slightly scary.

I'm scared reading this! Why do you want to keep this "friendship"?

I did actually consider mentioning it to new job...but didn't want to come across as strange, I really want to make a good impression because it's a chance of a lifetime for me. It hasn't always been like this, which is why I do want to help her and try and salvage the friendship. She as far as I know is happily married and had only met my dh a couple of times and briefly.

I agree written down it has made me realise that it is more than slightly odd...