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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel party?

36 replies

MegGriffin1 · 21/04/2016 23:57

Hello. I have a big birthday in the summer and a party in a function room is arranged. However I don't want it! Were ttc and going through a hard time with hospital appointments etc. No one knows about this and people always ask when the baby's coming how about never?! .
Basically I really want to cancel but it'll look awful so what do I do? I have low tolerance of people anyway so this party might push me too far at the mo!

OP posts:

Cressandra · 22/04/2016 00:55

Please don't tell 80 people they all matter less to you than a concert.

To be brutally honest, you will have to answer a lot more questions if you cancel it than if you go through with it. I think your best solution is go through with it, hold your head high. If asked about babies, reply with "Believe me, if/when I have news on that you'll hear ALL about it!". It isn't rude but it cuts off any need for them to enquire about babies with you ever again. Or even just a "well things aren't always that simple", left hanging in the air, can cut that conversation dead quite effectively if that is not too much personal info to give out.

If you really can't go through with it then you'll have to cancel everyone, though that does seem the harder option to me. Just say unfortunately you've had to cancel, maybe quote "personal circumstances" or something really vague. Don't make up a big fat lie, it'll come back and bite you, and it's not very gracious to your guests. Best of luck with your TTC.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/04/2016 01:34

We need way more information to answer this.

Who organised the party, who sent out the invitations, are people travelling from overseas, what is the date of the party??

Mysteryfla · 22/04/2016 01:35

As Extrahot says this is prefect.

Just send a note out to everyone along the lines of 'I'm really sorry but due to unforeseen cicumstances I've cancelled the party in 'month'. I hope to catch up with you soon/in the summer/whatever is appropriate'.

Summerblaze100 · 22/04/2016 07:14

Yes, agree with extrahot too. Why do you need an excuse. Just cancel and if anyone asks just shrug and say was going to be too much money/fancied doing something else. Really doesn't matter what people think. I think you are making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

I've been invited to a party before that was cancelled. I still don't know why and I can't say I care.

Do find it strange that you are this adamant that you don't want a party and its really not what you want/aren't a party animal, if you booked it.

Original poster

MegGriffin1 · 22/04/2016 08:00

Thanks everyone. DH and I booked it. This was before we knew of ttc issues and I do normally like parties. However I do have social anxiety that has kicked off so I can't face it along with the questions. It's in three months and all people are local so it's not too bad. I'm just dreading it and it's going to be the memory of my big birthday. I'll,probably end up having it because the fall out if I cancel will be big so I'll put up with it

OP posts:

Faye12345 · 22/04/2016 08:29

If its too stressful then i would cancel it

regularbutpanickingabit · 22/04/2016 11:35

Of course you can cancel but you need to do it soon and there don't seem to be any winning excuses that won't either lead to MORE speculation as to why you might cancel (pooh, is it because there's a big secret you don't want to guess? Oooh, is it because we might spot you aren't drinking? Oooh!!) or offend a business. Been there. It's miserable.

Ok, what about doing something on the night that stops people having idle time to ask you idle gossip questions? Hire someone to run a Race Night (horses thing. More fun than it sounds) or a Murder Mystery (you can buy the packs for those and send out information nearer the time) or just have the most ridiculously loud DJ or band so that absolutely no-one can speak or hear a thing.

Takes the spotlight off you which sounds like half the problem.

I really feel for you. It's a lonely and miserable place, the world of fertility issues.

Faye12345 · 22/04/2016 12:39

I just dont want it. Its making me very anxious and im worried about it

AvaLeStrange · 22/04/2016 14:08

For goodness sake - it's your big birthday - do what will make it happy for you.

Presumably most of these people don't know about the ttc issues? So how about...

Unforseen circumstances (you can explain in more detail to close family/friends if you want to)
Changes at work (meaning less time/money for party planning)
Minor health issue and you're waiting for an appointment that might clash with party date. You don't have to go into any details & if you send a well worded written message hopefully people won't be rude enough to ask.

I turned 40 last year, planned a do with venue etc which I later decided to scale back to a house party. It was lovely but I do actually wish I'd had 2 or 3 smaller gatherings with different friends and family instead.

If this isn't what you want, cancel it. The people that care about you will understand, and those that don't aren't worth worrying about.

Hicks123 · 22/04/2016 22:29

Agree with TattyCat - you don't need to give a reason, but if you feel you have to then honesty is the best policy so just say you realised as its getting closer you're not really a party person and would rather something quiet.

Pseudo341 · 22/04/2016 23:01

Cancel it and do it now. You don't need this extra stress hanging over you on top of everything else. You could just say you're a bit stressed at the moment and the party was making you more so so you decided not to do it after all. You'll feel so much better once you've cancelled. I hope you have some good news soon.

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