to think it would be nice for DP to make an effort with my family?

[Bloodystupidusernamer00lz]

Dp and I got engaged a few months ago, we've been together about 2 years.

Dp has only met my parents/rest of my family (apart from my DSis) once as they live a few hundred miles away so understandably we don't see them as often.

He is only really close to his DM and DSis, who live nearby and we see them quite often, at least every fortnight or so.

I visit my family every month-6weeks depending on what my work schedule is as I am very close to my family and have very close relationships with them. I go on my own to visit as Dp just doesn't seem to be interested in seeing them or building any sort of relationship with them. He has said that if they lived closer then it would be different but it's starting to really upset me that he makes no effort with them. We are (supposedly) going to be married so the way I see it my family will become his family in a manner of speaking. My family don't really know him so were a bit underwhelmed at the news of our engagement and to them it must seem like I'm marrying a stranger.

I know it is slightly problematic because Dp only has every other weekend off work and those are the weekends he has his son but I would be more than happy for him to come along to visit and I know my family wouldn't mind.

Aibu to feel upset that he isn't making an effort and to think he should, especially when I make the effort to see his family and build a relationship with them?

We don't have kids together Akire, much as I would like it, as I can't have any more

I can understand OP about wanting to enjoy your family, but really 4 hours is a big ask, yes I know you have said they are used to it, but I really don't see why your Dps DS should have to be dragged along. So surely the answer is to organise a couple of holidays over the year for you and your partner to visit?

Also book a b and b and get them to come to you occasionally!

Also, (from my point of view) visiting partners relatives can be very tedious (sorry)

Also, (from my point of view) visiting partners relatives can be very tedious (sorry)

He hasn't met them enough to decide that!

4 hours every few months isn't that bloomin onerous! The time can be used for talking!
They can stop off on the way for a drink and food. It really isn't that big an ask.

I don't blame him to be honest. I'd much rather enjoy a relaxing weekend with my child than spend 8 hours travelling the country to visit my future in-laws. Yes he could put a little more effort in, but so could your family. From what you've said there's no real reason why they can't come and visit you now and again. Or surely there's a city or visitor attraction in the middle where you could meet for a day out?

4 hours is really not yoo much to ask, especially if he does it for other things.

But, as you can see from lots of the responses on here, lots of people think your DP is right. I don't, and could never marry someone who flatly refused to make an effort with my family. I feel as you do, and both DH and I have always made an effort for each other's family. You've been given a taste of the future here, and I suspect its one that will leave you feeling very unhappy. He just doesn't hold the same values as you do, or if he does, its only when it suits HIM, ie YOU spending time with HIS family, only.

I would make sure you are both on the same page before getting married. At the moment, it sounds like you are not. Habits formed/continued on from two different family of origins(each person's family), that are conflicting, are likely to cause problems in your relationship, if you don't find a suitable solution before you get married and the 'small' stuff becomes the 'big' stuff and resentment sets in.

My DM works in a school so she only has sat & sun off so they really can't come to us for the weekend, whereas when DP has the weekend off he also has Monday's off, making it a 3 day weekend and if we tagged it onto the beginning of a half term/holiday it would definitely be more doable for us. Train journey would be longer and about 3x the cost.

Sorry but equally your family could come to you at a half term if your mum works in a school.

I'm not saying he shouldn't make the effort to come with you but equally you shouldn't be the only one travelling. It sounds like you are making lots of excuses why they can't visit you. Even if your dp is working on a weekend that he has his ds your parents could come and visit you. While he is working you spend quality time with them and he joins in when he gets back from work.

What Babybuzz said. A million per cent.

Why can't you meet in the middle for one night? Surely there is somewhere that your parents and you three could meet up to visit? Maybe your dp hated spending time in his last ILs house (which is not unheard of) and has no desire to do that over again.

It sounds as if you have been quite open about this, and possibly quite forceful. I think he won't budge now so it may be time to offer a new solution or a compromise.

Also it would be good for your partner to se Ethan your parents want to make the effort to meet him and his son.

It works both ways though. As someone else said, your family need to be (metaphorically speaking) meeting you half way. He could make more of an effort but so could your family and it's a good thing that he prioritises his son, he's clearly a good dad.

I do think sometimes you have to put yourself out for your partner and do something you don't want to. Maybe just once or twice a year.

My parents lived four hours away. My husband visited them once in 6 years. It used to upset me a lot. But I used to go on my own instead.