To be upset over a photo

[mininionsteve]

Went to BIL wedding. The couple had all the usual photos. Extended fam, parents, siblings etc. When it came to the close family shot they didn't invite me to be a part of it. It was bride and groom, DH and DHs parents. I'm feeling a bit hurt and left out to not have been included. I am 30 weeks pregnant with their nephew/grandson surely I'm a part of the family? I already had the impression that they didn't like me, this seems like it's pretty clear. Am I just being tired and emotional or just plain dramatic?

It wouldn't be normal for my family to do this. Close family includes partners in family photos.

Or photoshop yourself into that photo

I've got a good one - my SIL married one month before us (long story). I wasn't classed as a "friend" and everyone was very keen to point out I wasn't family yet so I was therefore excluded (No Soprano, not you) from all the photos. It was a small wedding with 20 guests. Of that 20, two were "friends" (the bridesmaid and best man), 17 were family member and me, the interloper. I'm the only guest at that wedding not to have been included.

My soon to be sil and my bil aren't in any wedding photos. I demanded the photo taking stopped quite quickly though because after 45mins I'd had more than enough and I wasn't enjoying the day because of it. Maybe that's why?

Wow, that's awful. Sorry 2nd soprano. Brilliant idea thick and thin!!

I had that photo at my wedding. DH chose his own family groups for the various photos that were just his side, but FWIW, he had the one of him, siblings and parents too.

SIL and BIL (my side) were in lots of other shots, including family ones but just not that one. Over a decade later and SIL is still unhappy about it and still struggling to understand the slight. She gets DN (born two years later) to ask DM about it and SIL took me aside and asked me why recently.

It was only one of 250 photos, FGS! I wasn't even thinking that she'd expect to be included.

If they had the other inlaw in yanbu. Otherwise yabu.

I did photos including my sibling's other halves and children, but also a couple without. I'm one of four children, and every single one of us has the same photo of the four of us up in our houses, because it's so rare to get a photo of us altogether - the previous one had been taken more than 15 years before.

I love all three of my in-laws - they are brilliant people - but there is a special bond between us siblings that we rarely get to celebrate. Please don't take it to heart (and feel free to photoshop yourself onto the bride's body at some point in the future...),

p.s. I have since HUGELY fallen out with my sister, so am considering cutting her out of the beautiful siblings picture, damn her.

The problem is that you have the impression they don't like you so the exclusion of you in a photo confirms that for you. On it's own, it's not a huge issue but if there are other occasions when you felt sidelined or not welcomed into the family then I understand you feeling upset.

Try not to take it to heart and good luck with your new baby.

I can see why you are upset.

How is your relationship normally? When I get married there will be a pic of my parents and siblings and me and my sisters husband won't be In that shot. But that being said there is good reasons for that and it's not a secret.

I think your right nineties. I've spent so long feeling like they dislike me and being left out that this was just the final nail in the coffin. It's just upsetting when you keep trying to include them in everything And want to be part of the group and feel like you are getting no where. Il put it to bed, leave them to it and focus on my baby. Will be mindful of this when he gets a SO.

Hey, I hear you. my DB had our mum, divorced dad, my brother. His wife had her parents and brother, so everyone's entire family except me. Her brother was an usher, our brother was best man. I wasn't in the photograph becuase I "only" did a reading.
They had said I was going to be bridesmaid, then when we set our wedding date before theirs by 7 months ( they set a date for 2 years away!) I was no longer a bridesmaid.
That was fun standing with eveyone overhearing people saying "why isn't alwaysNC in that photo". Oh yes and it's the one wedding group photo they have on display. But they didn't realise and apparently we have a great relationship as long as everything's on their terms.

I wouldn't take it personally. My in-laws are Londoners and they make such a thing about faamly (said in a cockney accent) i.e. blood relations that clearly doesn't include me. I don't think I'll ever be accepted by them but I've given up trying to fit in. I'm not excluded exactly but I know they don't treat me as close family.
Chin up

I understand your feelings OP. It may have been immediate family only but the bride was included wasn't she and she isn't an immediate family blood relation. If they had one DIL in the photo (the bride) they could have included the DIL (OP) IMHO. Yes couples' split... the bride and groom might and of course they're in the photo! It doesn't sound like a deliberate exclusion on the face of it but it can still be hurtful.

Same happened at my SIL's wedding. I'm the only spouse of a sibling, so was the only one not included in family shots. As the mother to the only grandchild, who was a baby then, I also wasn't allowed to hold her in any shots that I was allowed in, which actually annoyed me more, as my postnatal mind was like "but in the future when people look at these photos they won't know that I'm her mother!!".

The worst thing was when my FIL stood up to introduce people to all of his family members (in the church...it was very cringey), and he prattled out everyone - offspring, wife, aunts, cousins, uncles, grandparents, his brother in law's mother.... And "forgot" to mention me (only daughter in law) and my baby (only grandchild).

So I totally feel your annoyance at the situation, and how it makes you feel not included in the family, but I think (hope?) they don't see it that way and are just thinking in terms of biology. It is a bit miserable though :(

I wouldn't take it personally. When I got married we had the usual photo with my family (parents and one brother). My mum invited my brother's girlfriend to be in the photo. I obviously couldn't say anything but I was really upset that she was included even though I have nothing against her. I still get upset whenever I think about that wedding photo. I'm probably being unreasonable but for me I really just wanted my actual family in the photo. Everyone has different ideas about who they want in each photo and I don't think you should read too much into it.

Aww, mininion I can understand just how you feel but there's just no point letting it get to you. I wasn't included in the family photos at my own siblings' weddings and my other siblings and their spouses were as they were all part of the wedding party apart from me. At one wedding reception all my family were on the top table and I was seated next to the loos. They even all made speeches going on at length about each other being family and I sat there like an outcast. You've just got to put it behind you and get on with things.

Normally, I wouldn't take it personally.

But when it looks like the inlaw was included in the equivalent bride's family photo, I'd certainly wonder.

Someone i know included her very recent SIL in all the pictures, and it's a different culture so different photographs/traditions - DB left her shortly after and has remarried she now has this woman she barely knew in all her pictures.