to think great uncle shouldn't be going to the hospital day after birth

[SoConfused15]

My DNiece age 20 yesterday evening gave birth to twins prematurely (at 30 weeks). All are doing ok. She lives with her mum and dad (SIL and BIL). We live 3 and a half hours drive away and see her maybe once a year-we are not close.

I am off sick with a chest infection at the moment, we have 3 kids to look after, DD needs picking up from school and we have a family therapy appointment for DS this evening. I need DH here to do school pick up and attend therapy. However DH is all set to drive down there today to see DNiece and the babies. The babies are in NICU, I don't know when DNiece will ve discharged etc.

AIBU to think DH should not go today but wait until the dust has settled and we can go down as a family perhaps? I could really do with him here, will have to cancel DSs family therapy and will struggle on my own. I wouldn't have wanted my uncle to turn up the day after I'd given birth and especially with babies in NICU , would he even be allowed in?

He got angry when I said it wasn't a good idea and won't talk about it.

Surely it's up to DNeice? Are they particularly close? And obviously need to work with you all as a family.

Congratulations to your niece, I hope she and the little ones are doing okay.

The first half of your post I thought it sounded good that he was wanting to go and show support - his brother and wife have a dependent daughter who has given birth early to twins. Life is going to be tough for them over the coming weeks. Maybe he thought he could be of some use?

However you go on to detail that you are ill and have plans today. Important ones. So whilst I'm not saying he shouldn't go, I am saying he shouldn't go today and maybe go to.orrow instead.

I wouldn't have wanted my uncle to turn up the day after I'd given birth and especially with babies in NICU , would he even be allowed in?

what you want and what she wants are different things and yes they would be allowed in.

I don't think he is unreasonable wanting to go to give his support to his brother and his family.

If you've had a chest infection he probably shouldn't go into a NICU I'm case he is harboring the same infection. I wouldn't risk it with such tiny babies, it would be reckless IMO.

He's being selfish and putting his wants ahead of his family's needs. I hope he sees sense and doesn't leave you in the lurch and expose those tiny babies to potential infection

You are off with a chest infection, even if he's not sick himself, he is quite possibly carrying germs which he can pass on, and the babies are in NICU. Is he insane??!!

It may be worth checking if they will allow him in. When my eldest was in NICU it was parents and siblings only. It upset the MIL as she wanted to go 'because i am the grandmother and it should be allowed'

Up to the niece. I wouldn't have wanted it, especially with knowledge of the chest infection, but if he checks first and she says it's ok then it's ok.

It doesn't sound like he's checked though, more like he's planning on just turning up? That's not good.

When DS was in SCBU only parents and Grandparents were allowed to visit.

He really ought to check before he just turns up. I appreciate everyone's different but I would not be pleased if I were DN. I would want some time to recuperate, to get on my feet, to make sure the babies were stable and to get established as a new mum before anyone visited (except for my DH, our parents and my siblings since I'm very close with them). If he hasn't called ahead and they only see each other once or twice a year then he's making a massive assumption in thinking that he would be top of her list of people to see.

As others have said, there's also the issue of your infection. He absolutely should not be considering stepping foot into NICU when he could be carrying germs. Even if your DN is OK with it (which I can't imagine she would be as a new mum of two very vulnerable babies), what about the other babies in there?

Last point is that you're a family. You should be visiting together. He needs to wait for you to get better, fulfill his obligations to his own DC and THEN think about visiting DN, by which time she might actually be ready for visitors.

He's being very selfish and he needs to think about someone other than himself because that's the only person his current plans are serving.

I work in a NICU - yes he would be allowed in (within strict visiting hours, make sure they are checked!) and if his DN is okay with it, however if he's been in the house where you're recovering from a chest infection I really advise against it. It's not fair on the other families and babies where something like that could do a lot of damage. Congratulations on the new twins in your family :)

He's been in touch with DNiece and decided not to go, phew. He hadn't even thought about the dangerof passing on the chest infection, although he'd earlier decided not to visit a friend who's running a marathon on Saturday because of it.....

Ps I've looked at the visiting policy fir the NICU and it says parents and siblings are allowed but doesn't mention other family at all. DNiece has told him the babies are in "isolation" is this something different than normal NICU.