Anger AIBU

[kylorobes]

DH arrives home from work. DS was due to leave for swimming but was dawdling (SN) DH started shouting at him and he said "shut up" so DH picked up one of his trainers and slammed it to the floor. DS was then scared and angry. AIBU to think this is not acceptable? DS then copied shoe throwing and hit me. I spend all my time teaching correct behaviour and this was a terrible example to set

YANBU your husband needs to control his temper, not that it sounds like that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Who's the child. Your DS or your DH. Throwing things around like a 2 year old.

I don't think slamming a trainer on the floor in a moment of anger or frustration is the end of the world. We've all raised our voices, slammed things down or snatched things (not pushed or hit or yelled) haven't we? Or does he do this a lot?

Haven't we all slammed a shoe/newspaper/toy/whatever in frustration and annoyance at some point?

My dh threw a shoe once and it went through the cheap shit cupboard door and left a perfect shoe shape. He didn't even throw it that hard.

Might be unpopular but I think getting angry isn't a problem (as long as it's not violent bullying). Anger is part of human experience (don't we all get angry from time to time?) and its useful to show your children how to handle it, as you would with any other experience. So a moment of anger is neither here nor there - but showing them how to recognise it and apologise for it can be helpful. Otherwise how do they learn to deal with their own anger?

Are you perfect op? Everyone loses it now and then. Maybe he just finally had it with your ds. He should apologise though when he is calmer.

Are you angry with him about anything else?

busycee totally agree. DH also needs to learn at the same time.

Ds has adhd and struggles with his emotional regulation and outbursts. I need adults around him to show self control

What I was meaning in my response is that we as humans often don't allow our children to show all the range of emotions, especially anger. Because we weren't allowed to express our anger, we haven't learnt how to manage our anger and have outbursts in adulthood. Yes, in an ideal world adults wouldn't get angry in front of your Ds or anyone else's children. Throwing the shoe was a really silly move on your husbands part and we all do things we shouldn't. ADHD has a genetic component, does your DH have any of the traits?
Now that you've said about Adhd I get why you were so frustrated because it could have led to an outburst. All I was meaninf is that I was a very angry adult because I wasn't allowed to express my emotions as a child at all.

Get him to control himself