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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think children don't need 2 birthdays a year!!

56 replies

scottishegg · 17/04/2016 14:59

Hi all my 5 year old niece is due to have a whole class birthday party with all the trimmings include a birthday cake with 6 on it next week even though her birthday isn't until the end of August!

My sister in law explained it's because her birthday falls in the summer holidays and not everyone can make her party due to holidays etc, Im Just confused by this as do I buy her 2 gifts one next week one on her actual birthday? ( my children are invited to the party) Also I feel a little sorry for her sister who only gets one birthday a year!

I can understand bringing a birthday forward by a few weeks or even having the party on the following weekend which falls in September but to bring it forward by 4 months!

Feel free to tell me to mind my own business but I'm a right in thinking its a little strange!

OP posts:

I8toys · 17/04/2016 16:03

That's madness. Why now? Its nowhere near. How to confuse the child - she's not 6 she's still 5 for another 4 months.

My son is mid August birth and we usually do the weekend before they go back to school in September to have his birthday party - its something to look forward to when the holidays have finished.

I8toys · 17/04/2016 16:04

Oh and I'd buy her a gift when it is her actual birthday. On the correct date.

rosy71 · 17/04/2016 16:05

My boys both have birthdays in January & it gets a bit expensive coming straight after Christmas so we usually do a joint party in February to spread the cost. April seems a bit random for an August birthday. I'd go for the beginning of September.

Katedotness1963 · 17/04/2016 16:08

She's not having two birthdays, her party is just not on her birthday. We've done this for our youngest as his birthday is the end of July and their school got out for summer in June. He had a birthday party with his friends in June, no gifts from family. Then on his actual birthday it was just family gifts.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 17/04/2016 16:11

DD is an August birthday and she had her party in Sept last year (as I'd just had DS before the summer hols). She didn't get two lots of presents, it was simply a couple of weeks after her birthday she had her party. A bit like a midweek birthday and a party at the weekend. You wouldn't buy two lots of presents, but you might have a small cake on the actual birthday and also a cake at the party too. I don't think it's too unusual. In fact, as a child, it was really special when your birthday did actually fall on the same day as your party

However, 4 months early is strange and I think pretty tough for the child unless there's a really good reason (emigrating to the other side of the world?). DD wouldn't have remembered she'd already had a party. Personally, I'd take a very small gift to the party (£5 or less) and buy a proper gift for her birthday.

I must say that July gets very busy for parties around here as lots of summer holiday birthdays get brought forward. We might keep with doing September as it's only a week or so later for DD. I wouldn't move much further forward than June TBH.

OohMavis · 17/04/2016 16:12

DS got invited to a little boy's birthday party in the summer whose actual birthday is on Christmas day. I kind of get it. His actual birthday is Christmas day and a bit overshadowed by the excitement of it all, so it makes sense.

But it's really odd to do that for a birthday that falls in the summer holiday and by four months?!

KayTee87 · 17/04/2016 16:15

I find this a bit weird, have never heard of it except maybe bar a Christmas Day birthday.
My birthday is August and we never seemed to have a problem having a birthday party for me, if someone was on holiday then they didn't come...

Smartiepants79 · 17/04/2016 16:19

4 months early is excessive. My DD is a summer holiday baby. The most I would do would be a few weeks either side so the party fell before or after the holiday.
I would not buy her present now. You will see her on her actual birthday. Give her one then.

HateTablets · 17/04/2016 16:20

I think the biggest issue is with her sister tbh.

At that age, children will not comprehend easily that 'we do a big party for littleone in April and then another big party in August because no else can come in August' but that because bigsister is born let's say in November then she just has one big party (because school party and family stuff in the same weekend will count as one, ie she will be fussed about once in the year, not twice).

When they will be older (end of primary), they will understand. Until then, I wouold be very cautious not to hurt feelings iyswim.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 17/04/2016 16:20

The gap is the weird thing - especially at that age when whether you are in fact 5 or 6 really matters, both to you and your friends (my 5 yo witters at length and regularly about which of his friends are "only 4", 5, or "already 6!" :o

I'd do it in September for an August birthday, agree April is very early, though having a "kids party" and a separate family gathering is what we often do too - the two really don't mix that well IME.

goshhhhhh · 17/04/2016 16:28

We do this & always have done. My August boy has a party in April. We are always on holiday for his bday. His older sister has always understood & we make sure she has a fabulous time when it is her bday.
We have never attempted an August party. Children never seem quite as fussed as the adults think they will be.

Scholes34 · 17/04/2016 16:32

I think even a five year old can understand "this is your birthday" and "this is the day you're having a party with your school friends". None of your business, OP, and nothing wierd at all.

alltouchedout · 17/04/2016 16:33

Yanbu at all op. Fun should be strictly rationed. Heaven help us of children actually enjoy themselves too often.

squiggleirl · 17/04/2016 16:39

A good friend of DSs is a July baby.

His birthday party each year is at the end of May. School holidays here start the end of June, and in the last few weeks people often take their kids out for holidays etc. His Mum reckoned that if she was moving his birthday forward, she might as well move it to when everyone is around, so the end of May it is.

I must admit, I always thought it was a good idea moving it forward

I assume on the day of the birthday itself, it is only immediate family who are involved in the celebrations.

Floggingmolly · 17/04/2016 16:39

Don't be silly, alltouched. Parties and having fun aren't the issue; but letting a child celebrate her birthday twice at two very different points of the year (like the Queen!) is a bit odd.
Nobody said it shouldn't happen, just that it's an odd thing to do. Which it is.

Bogeyface · 17/04/2016 16:42

I can see the logic of the party if she has been disappointed before. With regards the gift I would wait until her actual birthday.

alltouchedout · 17/04/2016 16:44

It's not that odd, floggingmolly. It's quite common for children with xmas birthdays. (And as the post is about a birthday party, I think you'll find parties are the issue bring discussed here ).

TeatimeForTheSoul · 17/04/2016 16:45

We have lots of summer birthdays in our class and from now til summer hols it's difficult to schedule around all the actual and brought forward parties. This may be the reason it's so early. Does it matter if it's 4 months or 4 weeks early?

Two celebrations allows DC to have party with all the friends who are on hold on actual day and see family on lower key real b'day. Don't see the issue with 2 celebrations, why not? French routinely celebrate name days (your Saint's name) and it's just more chance for fun.

squoosh · 17/04/2016 16:46

I can see it becoming an issue when the other sibling starts wondering where her second party is.

Scholes34 · 17/04/2016 16:49

Is the OP's child having two parties, or just a birthday on one day and a party on another?

FuckSanta · 17/04/2016 16:52

We mark DD's half birthdays (just with a cupcake or similar, not with presents or parties). DD was 5.5 a couple of weeks ago. I'm still trying to find a way to explain to her that it's still quite a long time to her birthday. Can't imagine how confused she'd be if we went through all the birthday rigmarole so far ahead of the actual date!

Pollaidh · 17/04/2016 16:55

Mine has a birthday party in June, as her real birthday is at Christmas and everyone is away. We (and she) would certainly not expect 2 presents.

Family choose whether they want to give her a gift at xmas or in the summer, most choose her real birthday, and she gets lots from friends in the summer. We, her parents, only give her a gift in the summer because at xmas she's overwhelmed really, and by summer she's at a different development stage.

Pollaidh · 17/04/2016 16:59

And she has understood this perfectly since she was about 4. Her brother is too young to notice but will celebrate his birthday at the real time, and when he's older we will probably do a sponge cake on his 'half' and maybe a token small present, to make it fair.

makeitpink · 17/04/2016 16:59

My DS kind of has the opposite problem. His birthday falls the beginning of September and so invariable I am not organised enough to have planned a party for him for his actual birthday or the weekend before/after (it's really hard to give out invites in the summer holidays and if you give them out before then people forget) so we celebrate his actual birthday as a family and he gets a party usually in October because I'm really disorganised!! to give his friends time to settle in to the new term. I would definitely not expect more than one present from family members though??

Having said that my family are disorganised and forgetful very busy people and generally my sister gives both DC's birthday presents at the same time when she sees them in the summer holidays which kind of falls in between both their birthdays.

Poikjhvcx · 17/04/2016 17:00

I've done this due to the kids having their birthdays very close together just after xmas. It's a total non issue. They celebrate their birthday with the family on their birthday and had a class party whenever it suited me. I've done it several months after the date. Family bought presents in their birthdays and school friends bought presents on their party days. There is NOTHING to be confused about.

If a family member is asked to the school party then just ask about the present? It's not difficult is it?

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