To want to see a female rather than male physio for post natal issues?

[CoffeeAndOranges]

Had an appointment to see a (female) physio earlier in the week to help me with some persisting spd after my baby was born 4.5 months ago. I went along to the appointment and they'd cocked it up, making the appointment at the hospital but sending me a letter telling me it was at the community health centre.

They made me another appointment this Monday and yesterday when the letter arrived the named physio was a man. I had assumed it would be with the same woman and it wasn't mentioned when I rescheduled.

I had a difficult birth & was left slightly traumatised. The recurring pain is deep in my groin so there's a good chance he might want to have a knead. Whilst I know he will be nothing but professional and respectful, I feel quite apprehensive about it and am considering ringing and asking to rearrange with a woman. Maybe I feel like a woman might have more empathy.

I feel like I'm being unreasonable and sexist but I still feel quite vulnerable in that area. I still have traumatic memories of a (male) doctor with huge hands trying to tug my cervix opening round while in the throes of a contraction and screaming in pain. I know it's not connected but I'm worried I might freak out a bit and want to feel as comfortable as possible.

AIBU? Please be kind!

yes- that's what I said. It would be great if society wasn't so sexist that this was a thing. Of course it would be better if it wasn't .

it IS sexist to request that you not be treated by someone purely on the basis of their sex. The fact that it is an understandable reaction to the sexism in society at large doesn't change that.

I agree with you bluejug in principle- it shouldn't matter who I see, all health professionals are there to do a job and they should be neutral and empathetic no matter which sex they are (or gender they align with if we're going down that route). But it does matter somehow.

Now I will probably find that the female physio is a heartless no nonsense kind of woman who will just tell me to put my baby down more and stop grumbling..

I have had a tonne of operations in intimate areas and I thought i was fine with men looking at my bits and pieces but I just let them do their job looking back i felt terrible and embaressed (sp) but I had to put up with it because it was their job if you are feeling raw from a traumatic birth like the op she is perfectly entitled to put her comfort first.

Wow. I thought you were going to get shot down in flames too. I've seen women asking for a female HV for breast feeding issues or Midwives be told it was the same as bloke asking for a male mechanic

Because a human female's body is exactly the same as a car.

Anyway, you are obviously not being unreasonable. Consent must be given freely and with no reservations. I am sure most male HCPs just want to do their job but the really good ones want their patient to be comfortable and happy too. If they are offended they shouldn't be working with patients.

If women had no choice about this, there would just be women who did not get the medical treatment they need.

I'm glad it worked out for you OP.

I think you should give him a chance you might be surprised at how understanding he is. I have been having my smear tests done by a male for many years and he is much better and understanding and caution that any female gynaecologist I ever saw.

I think asking to change after first appointment if.you don't feel happy is not so unreasonable but not seeing how it goes is unfair and there would be uproar if the situation were reversed.

Having a traumatic birth is awful, very sorry to hear about all your troubles but I don't think that gives you the right to be petty over something like this.

It isnt petty to not want a man to knead your groin and its sorted now the male physio was sympathetic and physio swapped

Yes my elderly FIL prefers to see a male Dr for some issues.

Petty Bejeena ? That's a very judgemental way to put it. Petty to one is vitally important to another.

The NHS is big enough to accomodate choices like these. There are lots of staff - they can swap patients on occasion.

I had a traumatic birth and it took a long time for problems arising from that to be sorted. I was the reason for that delay as I could not come to terms with having future treatment. It was a male gynae consultant who sorted it all out for me, and he was fantastic.
However, I would not use my personal experience as a reason for any woman to undergo treatment she did not feel comfortable with and if that means asking to swap to a female HCP then that is absolutely fine.

"it IS sexist to request that you not be treated by someone purely on the basis of their sex."

No. It is not sexist.

Sexism, like racism, is not a neutral, symmetrical thing. Sexism is related to structural inequalities in society which perpetuate men's oppression or women. (As racism is to do with structural inequalities which perpetuate the oppression of people of colour by white people).

You can, as a white person, or as a man, object to some forms of prejudice - e.g. "don't assume I'm going to shoot you because I am white" "don't assume I am going to grope you because I am a man". I mean, if it means a lot to you, and if you are really sure you are squeaky clean, you can, as an individual, attempt to separate yourself from the general behaviour of the rest of your group, though of course it is always best to do this respectfully.

What you cannot do is claim that racism against white people, or sexism against men, exists, because it is a specific structural thing that works only one way in our unequal society.

I've still got spd issues 2 years later and have had physio with male and female physios - I found the male physio incredibly understanding and helpful. The female one was too but I found the male physio really good and he gave me loads of useful stuff I could do at home to help strengthen my muscles.

There is also the very obvious issue that some women who have been raped may not be able to cope with being touched intimately by men however professional they may be.

That is their issue it is my issue, the rape happened a long time ago but however much I try and rationalise the fact that a male Heath practitioner has no intention of harming me the one time I was facing very hands on treatment when I realised it was a man who was going to be doing this I burst in to tears and made a fool of myself.

They were incredibly understanding, I was very apologetic and let this poor chap know it wasn't actually him. I was reassured by the woman who I saw that this does happen sometimes and that it was fine to ask for a woman.

I have seen male Gp's if it's not of an intimate nature it's fine.

Sexist?

I only shag men. Is that sexist too?

As one woman I saw on twitter said - My vulva is a politically correct free zone.

Cissexist don't you know tara

It's not about giving people the RIGHT to have a certain sex of practitioner, its about allowing to request it and accommodating that request if possible, which, as far as I can see, us what the NHS do.
Its normal to feel uncomfortable with someone of the opposite seeing ones bits, thats why we have male/ female toilets and changing rooms.

Oh yes, it becomes sexist when it's a woman saying no to someone born male...

If a straight woman turns a gay woman down, that's fine.
If a gay man turns a woman down, that's fine.
If a straight man turns a man down, that's fine.
If a gay woman turns a woman down (because you know, not her type), that's fine.
If a straight woman turns a man down, he's been Friendzoned.
If a gay woman turns a transwoman down, it's the Worst Thing Ever.

Interesting, isn't it.

Gosh I go off to clean the bathroom and see to the baby and it all kicks off! I fully expected to be called unreasonable but not petty. That's quite a belittling comment really.

Anyway now the issue has been resolved for me I will back away from the thread. Given the reaction of the chap at the hospital it's not an unusual request and one they seem more than happy to accommodate.

FWIW I think it's perfectly reasonable for a man to request to see a man to carry out a prostate exam for example. I wouldn't see that as sexist so actually I don't think I am being unreasonable!

And counsellors often get requests under the NHS for a certain sex. Some issues most people feel fine to discuss with any sex. But some issues they don't. I would have wanted to see a female counsellor to talk about my rape.