Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Friend/baby related

21 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 14/04/2016 23:48

Hmmm - not sure if IABU about this or over sensitive

I have 2 NCT friends whom I still see in a group Basically I'm the only person who has stayed friendly with everyone in the group so it's a bit fragmented - hence why I only see these two together I like both, one probably more than the other.

They are very close - and, to be fair, tried to involve me to that extent - but I kept my distance a bit. Both of their DC go to the same nursery etc

Anyway, I digress.

I have 3 DCs - the littlest is 4 months. A few weeks ago we were in hospital for a week as she had suspected meningitis which was very scary. I'm quite a private person so I didn't tell any friends etc until after the event - partly as it was just so frightening.

I am meant to be meeting up with the friends and I mentioned what had happened by text in the course of the arrangements. One friend acknowledged what had happened, said it was awful etc. The other said nothing.

Both of them tend to record every cough and sniffle of their DCs on Facebook. Nice friend's DS had been ill. We were texting to finalise arrangements and I said I hoped he was better. Not so nice friend texted too to say how devastated her DC was that his little chum had a sore throat and hadn't been at nursery today and hoped he got well soon etc

I'm normally quite unbothered about stuff like this but it actually really hurt my feelings. AIBU? I'm not the type of person to say anything to someone about anything like this so I'll just leave it but I'm wondering if I'm being over sensitive

OP posts:

CaptainCorellisBanjo · 14/04/2016 23:54

YANBU - I am glad your little one is better and your friend should have been more concerned.

elliejjtiny · 15/04/2016 00:05

YANBU. That sounds like a really scary time for you. Hope your dd is ok now.

fatmomma99 · 15/04/2016 00:09

I'm honestly sorry about your DD, she's everso young to be going through this and I hope she's better now, but I can't bring myself to get upset (by proxy) about facebook shite because I think FB is rubbish. So I'd say please rise above it. And if this is a sign about who your real friends are, then note it and act accordingly.

But, FB.... mey!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/04/2016 00:17

Ynbu or os. That would piss me off and all. I don't think I'd bother with them again. If they can't even ask after your baby then
I think it's their way of telling you they don't consider you as a friend.
Love your baby

EverySongbirdSays · 15/04/2016 00:22

Since I joined I've seen so maybe posts about NCT friendship group politics and also loads of threads about people being upset that some incident in their life hasnt been acknowledged by friends.

When did we get like this? I think social media has caused this. I remember my mother and the other mums on the yard and it was never like this.

EverySongbirdSays · 15/04/2016 00:23

*many

Bogeyface · 15/04/2016 00:33

Anyone who uses the word "devastated" about anything that is not actually devastating is a fuckwit who can be safely ignored.

She is a drama llama and probably miffed that you didnt give her the opportunity to be "devastated" on FB that her friends DD may have meningitis ie; making it all about her. Stick with the nice friend and if she wants to make joint arrangements with not so nice friend then let her arrange it.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 15/04/2016 00:36

YANBU but text/Facebook is shitty sometimes. I'd meet up as planned and see what reaction you get in person when it comes up. Sorry you've been through this, it must have been really scary

MattDillonsPants · 15/04/2016 00:45

YANBU she should have called you as soon as she heard about your DC's illness!

I wouldn't bother with someone like that OP. Life is too short. Stop seeing her. See the other friend without her and if she asks why, say "Because she's rude and didn't say a thing about my child being in hospital."

Hopefully she will report back...and if the nice friend doesn't like the way you drop her other friend, well then no loss to you either way!

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/04/2016 00:45

I didn't put anything in Facebook and i certainly do not want anyone else mentioning anything about it there

I just think it's rather odd to be so concerned aboit a child with a sore throat who was well enough to be baking today but a hospitalised baby doesn't warrent a mention.

Anyway, I'll meet up tomorrow and see what is what. Then just make arrangements with nice friend going forward

OP posts:

MattDillonsPants · 15/04/2016 00:49

Gobbolinio...she sounds awful quite frankly. Who on earth does that? Meet up tomorrow and make a point of discussing your child's illness. See how she reacts the weirdo.

Bogeyface · 15/04/2016 00:49

I just think it's rather odd to be so concerned aboit a child with a sore throat who was well enough to be baking today but a hospitalised baby doesn't warrent a mention.

Because, as I said, you didnt give her the chance to make it all about her. The child with the sore throat didnt actually get any sympathy, she just went on about how "devastated" her child was.

Itinerary · 15/04/2016 01:20

YANBU. Perhaps she's jealous of your friendship with nice friend.

Just see the nice friend by herself.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/04/2016 07:06

bogey - do you know, that's absolutely right. Just thinking back, there have been quite a few occasions of that kind of thing

Anyway, I'm always expected to give her a lift home (so she can drink) which adds about 20 minutes to the journey. Am now wondering how I can resist that tonight. Which probably sounds petty but don't really feel like doing favours for people who aren't bothered about me.

OP posts:

MattDillonsPants · 15/04/2016 08:47

Just say something vague like "Oh I'm not going in your direction tonight by the way. So I won't be able to give you a lift home."

blueturtle6 · 15/04/2016 09:37

Say, cant give you a lift home, want to get home asap to dd, shes been ill you see and whilst popping out has been good for some respite I am feeling anxious to get back to her. Thanks for understanding.

julfin · 15/04/2016 10:19

What blue turtle said.

I would give her a bit of slack though - texting often leads to miscommunications because it's done in lots of snatched moments, and people can think they've said something when they haven't. Yes it's disappointing that she didn't call / send you a nice message, but I'd wait until you've met up before judging.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 15/04/2016 10:37

Thank you for all the advice

I was starting to think I was being quite unbelievably petty so it's good to know that I'm not

I don't know why I'm bothered but it got right up my nose

I will wait to see what she says tonight though

OP posts:

leelu66 · 15/04/2016 12:42

I agree that such a person should not be rewarded with a lift home (there are taxis) and she should not be rewarded with your time/company.

ApplePaltrow · 15/04/2016 15:52

Well I think you're being unbelievably petty (I read the post a bunch of times and couldn't work out what you were complaining about) but since so many people think you aren't, I think it's clear that different people are sensitive to different things.

It's obviously upset you and there are clearly other people out there who would think the same and make better friends to you than these two women.

I would agree with everyone else that you should de friend this woman (and stop giving her lifts) because she's clearly not compatible with you.

Bogeyface · 15/04/2016 16:01

Why dont you take a taxi there yourself so you are not driving?

Flip