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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to do some house stuff?

17 replies

Beelzebop · 14/04/2016 00:01

I am at home with 3 kids, I work 6 hrs a week and was full time until mh issues became grim so I needed to leave. My partner works about 45 hrs a week. He does literally nothing in the house. AIBU to want some help? Being blunt it's dragging me down doing all child related stuff and house stuff.

OP posts:
Dutchess61 · 14/04/2016 00:04

Of course he should help. You're never "off duty" are you, so why should he be?

PlaymobilPirate · 14/04/2016 00:09

It depends really on what you're wanting him to do / how much you can do. 45 hours a week is a lot... plus commute etc. Are all 3 kids at home during the day?

Original poster
Beelzebop · 14/04/2016 00:09

That's how I feel. I'm just preparing my case. Thanks! He has said before that He goes to work! I used to as well, and am trying to again!

OP posts:
Itinerary · 14/04/2016 00:17

YANBU to want to share the chores. Could you afford a cleaner to take the pressure off too?

Original poster
Beelzebop · 14/04/2016 00:18

No, afraid not but one day that would be lovely!

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 14/04/2016 00:28

What ages are the kids? Are they all his?

Original poster
Beelzebop · 14/04/2016 00:43

The kids are now a bit older all at school. He has no commute at all really, a ten minute walk if that. I understand that I should do most stuff, but I would love him to do something. Cook a meal, or take the kids to bed one night.

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 14/04/2016 15:03

Why does the op have to say if the kids are his - how does it matter. They are a family, should the DP only help with kids that are his own. Only on MN!!!

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 14/04/2016 15:05

Why does the op have to say if the kids are his - how does it matter. They are a family, should the DP only help with kids that are his own.
i thought the same, but the age question was useful.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 14/04/2016 15:10

I think given ur in anyway wont the jobs just get done? I appreciate its hard work as i do it myself n perhaps on his day off he could maybe allow u to rest for a couple of hours? But i know that being a stay at home mum mostly means taking care of the kids and home what else are you gonna do in the house?plus lets face it men half ass it Grineasier to do it myself quickly and efficiently but yanbu to want time to relax because being a mum/housewife is hardBrewCake

heron98 · 14/04/2016 15:10

Well, I do think given you only work 6 hours a week that the lion's share of housework should fall to you.

Palomb · 14/04/2016 15:12

Personally of you are only working 6 hrs a week and your kids are at school in the day time you ought to be doing the vast majority of the housework.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 14/04/2016 15:13

Oh and also the kids are totally different when dp is in he should obviously help with the kids without even being asked he should want to x

LeaLeander · 14/04/2016 15:13

I do think it's relevant; if they aren't his kids it is up to her to provide a home for her children, not up to him, unless he has adopted them or otherwise made some sort of commitment.

Even if they are, well, sounds like he is providing the majority of the financial support so it's reasonable for the non-financially-contributing party to do most of the housework. I realize that isn't a popular opinion here but if I were going out every day to work to earn money to support four other people and still came home to the expectation of housework, I wouldn't be happy. Especially if the kids are school age.

Sophia17 · 14/04/2016 15:15

I don't think it's housework that's the problem? Is it more things like bathing the kids? Helping with homework? Doing night reading and bed downs? Taking out the bin when you're headed out anyway!!

These are jobs I have to ask my hard working partner to do also!! Like why don't you just do it? Sometimes I get sensitive and think why would he not want to do it?
But I could spend my life wondering about how men think!

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 14/04/2016 15:21

LeaLeander I completely agree

Tightywalterwhities · 14/04/2016 15:27

Speaking as a fellow SAHM I do think the lions share of the housework should fall to you. That being said when your DH comes home and at the weekend he should definitely be an equal parent.

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