Apologies in advance but this is probably going to be quite long to avoid drip-feeding.
About three years ago, my Grandad died. Following that, my mum had a huge fallout with my Auntie and Uncle (her brother and sister, so not a couple) because my mum got fed up of being told she would be looking after my Grandma on x,y and z dates, without any discussion, and because of the way they were treating my grandma (my Auntie practically ignored my Grandma for a year due to her living in an annex of my Auntie's house, and my Auntie couldn't face going in there and seeing where my Grandad used to sit). As a result, both my Auntie and Uncle refuse to speak to my mum.
At this point, my Auntie and Uncle stopped contacting me. I have never been close to my Uncle so wasn't bothered, but I was hurt as to why my Auntie had stopped talking to me. I tried to speak to her about it and she said it was because she was in so much grief she wasn't speaking to anyone. I explained we were all in grief but Grandad would have wanted us to support each other. I was told that she 'didn't have time for my issues" and that "she was very sorry she couldn't grieve the way I wanted" - said very sarcastically. So my Auntie then did not speak to me for approximately two years. As a result, I also did not get to see my two much younger cousins to who I was close, and my Auntie also did not see my daughter, which hurt me very much.
Last Christmas, I attempted to restore contact by asking my Auntie if she fancied getting together with the kids over the Xmas holidays to do something. I was told that is wasn't as simple as that, and that I had offended her husband and she could not have her kids around someone who thinks so little of her husband. Which was odd, because apart from once telling him not to be grumpy towards my Grandma, when he was being very short tempered with her because she walks slowly, I hadn't said anything. So I asked what I was meant to have said. She couldn't remember. She also said that I appeared to be conspiring with my mum to think bad things about her husband. I hadn't and told her this. She also said she was distancing her family from me as I am my mother's daughter?
All this has rankled, as her husband has made comments on the size of my breasts when drunk, grabbed my breasts from behind at a family meal when drunk, in front of my then fiancé (now DH) and felt quite happy telling me when I had put on weight. And yet I am rude?? They have also both said that as soon as my Grandma dies, they are having nothing to do with the wider family ever again.
When I was younger, I had a very good relationship with both of them, even living with them for a while when I moved across the country to be nearer my family, though I soon discovered that my Aunt in particular is prone to emotional blackmail and is very controlling.
So since last Xmas, we have been polite via text but nothing more. Which brings us to present day. I am having my five- year old daughter Christened. I said when she was born that my Aunt would be Godmother, but as the relationship has deteriorated, and I was cut off, I no longer feel it's appropriate. My Grandma who Is invited to the Christening thinks I am being very unfair as my Aunt apparently adores my daughter (she has seen her in passing approximately twice in three years).
My DH and I have decided not to have her as godmother, and to have a small ceremony with only Grandparents and Godparents there. We don't want to invite Aunts and Uncles, as we don't want there to be any awkwardness overshadowing the day. My Grandma has said she won't be able to come for health reasons, and is not telling my Aunts and Uncles about the Christening to avoid hurting their feelings at the lack of an invitation.
So AIBU in not having my Auntie as Godmother, and for not inviting my Aunts and Uncles to the Christening? Apologies for this being so epic!