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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave DD(12) home alone for the evening?

26 replies

Joolsy · 13/04/2016 13:57

OH and I are going to friend's for dinner. We are struggling to find someone to babysit. DD will be 13 in Sept and is super-sensible. WIBU to leave her from about 7-11 on her own?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/04/2016 13:58

Does she like the idea? Are you close enough to come back quickly if she needs you to?

If yes...then yes.

Yeahsure · 13/04/2016 13:59

I do and would yes. But it depends on whether she's ok with it really and won't get worried on her own. Does she have a trusted neighbour she could call on if needed?

Alasalas2 · 13/04/2016 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/04/2016 14:03

them all? I thought it was just one 12 yo dd.

scribblegirl · 13/04/2016 14:06

I'd say at that age it's entirely down to Joe she feels about it (unless you have major concerns about her maturity, which I'm assuming you wouldn't as you wouldn't be considering it otherwise!)

I'd have loved it at that age, I'd have pretended I owned the house and flounced about a bit Grin alas I had a little sister to look after when they went out...

scribblegirl · 13/04/2016 14:06

*how! Joe has nothing to do with it Wink

pearlylum · 13/04/2016 14:07

I wouldn't.

My 12 year olds would be sensible, but we socialise as a a family. It would seem a bit unfair to leave her alone

Social occasions we have are always open to children too.

BarbarianMum · 13/04/2016 14:09

YADNBU unless she hates the idea.

Original poster
Joolsy · 13/04/2016 14:12

In all honesty, if we took DD she'd probably be bored stupid. Our friends don't have children so would rather have a child-free evening.

I will ask her how she feels about it. She is a bit of a worrier though I've left her alone during the day many times. She could call on our next door neighbours if need be & we'd be about a 15 min car ride away

OP posts:
WannaBe · 13/04/2016 14:15

I wouldn't. Being home alone during the day is different to being home alone at night IMO. Not because of what might happen but the atmosphere etc. I never like being in the house on my own at night,

Plus if anything did happen I.e. Fire or anything she'd be on her own having to get out of the house out into the darkness etc.

esiotrot2015 · 13/04/2016 14:30

Could she invite a friend over ?

corythatwas · 13/04/2016 14:36

I'd make it entirely about how she feels.

As WannaBe says some people don't like being alone in the house. I would have been overjoyed at that age (large family); wouldn't have seemed unfair as much as a golden opportunity for some me time (not that I didn't love my brothers).

RaeSkywalker · 13/04/2016 14:36

I'd ask her how she feels about it first. If she wanted to do it, I'd make sure my mobile was on and be prepared to leave mid-way through dinner if she had a wobble. Could she not stay at a friend's house tonight? Could your neighbour come and sit with her?

Artandco · 13/04/2016 14:37

I would ask if you can take her with you. She can take a book, something to watch with headphones. And order a pizza to the house for her

rainbowunicorn · 13/04/2016 14:39

Yes I see no reason not to. I have left my own at that age for a few hours in the evening. As long as you can trust her to be sensible and lay some ground rules I can't see a problem

TimeToMuskUp · 13/04/2016 14:39

I would base it on the child; if they were happy to have a try, yes. If not, I'd find a sitter or make alternative arrangements.

DS1 is 10 and has been left during the day for ten minutes while I've been to collect a parcel from the neighbour or fed the cats a few houses down while they've been on holiday. He's sensible, smart and capable of taking care of himself, and by twelve I can imagine we'll trust him for longer periods. But night times are very different, I can't say for certain he'd be ready by then to do a night time solo.

Dogwalks2 · 13/04/2016 14:42

I loved being left home alone at that age. And leave my kids alone 12 and 14 and have done since my daughter was 12. Parents don't give their children enough responsibility these days.

whois · 13/04/2016 14:44

I loved being left at home from around that age. I'd eat more chocolate than I was allowed and watch South Park on tv!

WannaBe · 13/04/2016 14:46

Oh I think daytime is different to nighttime.

DS is thirteen and I'd have no qualms about leaving him home alone for a few hours during the day, and I have done if I've had to go out in the evening and he's been at mine and then gone to his dad's later at around 7:00 or so.

But at night seems a totally different scenario. He is absolutely trustworthy but still I think that atmospherically things are different at night. And I stayed home alone at night from the age of around twelve or so with my parents just around the corner.

pippistrelle · 13/04/2016 14:52

She is a bit of a worrier

I would be okay with leaving her at home, but only if she's comfortable with that. If not, I would ask if I could bring her, but with her own entertainment - book, tablet, headphones so that she can be self-contained.

teatowel · 13/04/2016 14:54

As someone said above invite a friend round. My daughter often went to 'babysit' for her only child friend at that age. They had a lovely time and I was on call if the other set of parents had gone more than a couple of miles away.

HanYOLO · 13/04/2016 15:02

I'd invite a mate round for company for her.

I'd have no qualms about 4 hours daytime or early evening but would probably want to be back by 9.30/10. Something a bit sad and lonely about a 12 year old putting themselves to bed in an empty house or sitting up alone waiting for someone to come home.

I know that sounds melodramatic. Sorry OP.

Letustryagain · 13/04/2016 15:02

I would check with her and also (if you don't think they would judge you) mention it to your neighbours aswell to make sure they will be around if she needed them.

My Dniece has just turned 11 and has stayed on her own before when my DSis goes out. Always just a phone call away.

Mistigri · 13/04/2016 15:03

My DS who just turned 13 is left alone every Tuesday until 9.30 or 10pm because DD and I have music classes, we've been doing this for over a year now. He lets himself in after school, makes his own dinner and gets himself to bed. I phone at 7pm, and there are always neighbours around. He likes it because it's the one meal a week when he doesn't get nagged to eat vegetables Grin

lilacclery · 13/04/2016 15:15

If she's not comfortable with the idea could she go to a friends for a sleepover and you return the favour another weekend?

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