AIBU not to know how to dress in my 40s any more?

[whippetwoman]

I’ve had a self-imposed clothes-buying ban for a good few months now so I am definitely out of the loop. Because of this I haven’t been clothes shopping for a while but I have also realised I’m not too happy with my existing clothes because they just don’t look right. I don’t know where to shop or what to buy!
Having a baby at 40 didn’t help as before I did look a tad younger than I was, but now at 44, I absolutely look 44, maybe older with the often-interrupted sleep, older children, dog, cats, work….

I am taking my older two to see Muse on Friday night and have literally no idea what to wear and this has sparked the feeling that I genuinely don’t know what to wear in any situation.

This isn’t a judgey thing. I don’t care what others wear and have never been into fashion, and I haven’t really cared about myself either until I thought, oh hang on, I have no idea what to wear. I normally wear dresses from Oasis over skinny jeans/leggings but I think I’m too old to pull it off now. Or not?!

Apologies if this is better off in Style and Beauty. I had a nose there but couldn't find anything. AIBU unreasonable to find this difficult? Where do people shop?

A lot depends on your shape also.

I have ginormous boobs but slim elsewhere and it really affects what i can and cant wear.

Anything top wise with any 'swing' to it makes me look as if i'm pregnant. I have a god waist and a slim rib cage and i need to show it otherwise i look even more matronly.

However tailored dresses and tops which have little stretch to them (which is often the case in 'better' brand shops) never fit round my boobs. I therefore always end up in clingy tops and vests along with the ubiquitous skinny jeans or mini skirt /opaque tights/boots combo. Bored solid with it all!

good, not god waist.

I don't have a leather jacket unfortunately!
I don't want to show up my DC though hence the posting here.

I am a size 10 pear shape with no boobs to speak of really (sadly). I also do not suit frills

What you wear definitely isn't too young - it's regularly worn by all ages. I hate Joe Brown stuf Im afraid -way too harsh but each to their own. I also steer clear of M and S except very occasional Autograph.
Mint Velvet or Whistles is more my own taste. Or Comptoir des Cotonniers. Or carefully chosen, non 'fun print' Boden.
If you want ideas, do post on S and B - they are very good at coming up with them.

Sorry, IMO Joe Brown are garish, not harsh!

M&S are really good for 'jeggings' - which surprisingly I can wear mid forties! And I find skinny jeans too skinny for me. I got complimented a lot on the jeggings, which seem better than leggings for some reason.

Wear them with a funky top from Zara.

H&M are also great for comfy fitted casual clothes, like long t shirts and dresses that you can wear over jeggings or leggings.

Regarding not wearing scarf like your mum: I meant not in that 80s way of wearing it like a necklace. Hard to describe but normally a thin, short scar,f say chiffon ,knotted once at the front. Wear them big, wrapped round a few times or cowboy stylie in a v shape at the front.
If you don't have a leather jacket denim would look good if not wearing jeans as to avoid the status quo look

I refuse to wear leopard print anything but clothes shops seem to think its what women my age should wear.

www.midlifechic.com/chic-basics/

Oh I love leopard print!!! Only one piece at a time though. I have leopard print stilettos that look fab with a black, knee length simple shift dress, a scarf, pumps. Just never together.

Re: Joe Brown; i have a couple of their summer skirts. One is A line and the other is quite swishy, with panels. Both unusual, both v.colourful and i just wear them about the house/shops with a plain vest top. Nice with high wedges or flip flops.

Yep, tbh I think Joe Brown's and mint velvet are poles apart, I took a quick look at MV and thought... Boring! Like all clothes, it's a matter of taste. :)

Brilliant link above. Nails it.

Joe Browns, not my style at all, I agree Per Una on crack . I know some love it though but I find it quite frumpy on me.

I love leopard print but again it depends how you wear it. Dressed head to toe Liz McDonald style then yes, mutton dressed as lamb. Wear one piece with an outfit, can be tres chic. I have a leopard print clutch, leopard print ballet pumps and leopard print courts. I love them but wouldn't wear them all in one go .

It's definitely how you put an outfit together. Re the scarf thing, Chinchilla explains it very well. I also think the loop at one end, shove the other end through the loop look is a bit meh.

The midlife link is very much my kind of style.

The midlife link looks like they're aiming at a kind of "Jeremy Clarkson for women" vibe.

I would look beyond shite in that 'midlife' stuff on the link.

Shirts, and jumpers cutting me off at the hip with yet more skinny jeans. Loafers. And a blazer. And a breton top. Hmmmm.

OK if you have a boyish or beautifully proportioned figure. But still very Katherine Middleton stylie.

I'm 48 and find Zara's definitely the way to go.
Dd18 shops there too, we obv buy different stuff but we both come out doing and looking ok!

I certainly don't have a boyish figure but have got quite a few of those things - or similar - in the 'midlife' list. But wouldn't go for jumpers cutting me off at hip - have just bought a couple of the Boden cashmere ones in 'relaxed' fit which is nice and long and so much more flattering. Another fan of leopard print here, if confined to eg shoes.

Taste is all pretty personal isn't it? I don't like fussy clothes with lots of print and I go to Cos, " & Other Stories" and Finery which all do stylish clothes for grown ups. You'll find them all online if you don't know them.

Ps Also Banana Republic or J Crew if you've got cash to splash. For inspiration I keep a Pinterest board of outfits I like and peruse that when I'm stuck. It helps a lot when I'm going to an event.

I'm 51 and I actually think I enjoy buying clothes and wearing them more than I ever have done, mainly because I'm now doing it strictly for me and no one else. Even at work I have nothing to prove and don't feel obliged to wear formal suits.

For a gig I'd wear skinny jeans (or whatever shape suits you), a top and light jacket. If attending with teenagers they will probably tell you if you've got it right or not .

I shop online in quite a variety of places - just ordinary high street or online stores mostly, such as La Redoute (quality very variable, I send a lot back but sometimes get really good bargains), Boden (not the horrid mumsy patterned stuff, but they have nice quality skinny jeans that fit me well, and plain t-shirts that don't twist or shrink), Gap and the grown up version which I think is called Banana Moon, Zara, a Mango, and a couple of other Spanish brands when I go shopping with my daughter. We have a Tom Tailor outlet near us (German brand I think) which I find good for work tops.

Rarely buy anything in M&S or Next as I find they don't fit me (I am a small 8) and I rarely see anything I like anyway.

I think like a PP that if I were to recommend one high st shop for older women who don't want to dress like their mothers then it would be Zara.

You can't go wrong if you dress younger than you think you are. As long as you avoid this

Banana republic is the Gap brand for older richer shoppers, not banana moon (shop for size zero teenagers). They do lovely, but pricey, casual tops in really nice fabrics as well as more formal stuff.

Limited

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. For some reason I never think of Gap or Banana Republic. My teens will certainly tell me if they think I've got it wrong but they just wear black on the whole. That's another thing actually, black makes me look really washed out now (sob).

I do want to look good for me, not for others but I seem to be floundering around unsure of what suits me. This thread has been very reassuring and useful so I will buck up forthwith! Thanks M'netters.