To ask Mumsnet for advice on parenting 9 YO DS? I am struggling to adjust as he grows up.

[Lookproperly]

I have one DS who has just turned 9. I am suddenly feeling a bit lost as to how to be a parent to a child who is no longer 'little' but at the same time not all that 'grown-up'. I guess I feel like we are sort of in no man's land.

I want to support him as he grows up without babying him but I don't feel like I know where to start.

He has no siblings due to my infertility (this has taken some time to come to terms with and is irreversible so I find comments regarding sad only children very difficult).

He loves spending time with his friends which I facilitate as often as is practical but obviously this can't happen all of the time. His Dad and I have not been together for 5 years. DS sees his Dad once a fortnight. I have a wonderful new partner who DS likes and gets along with, but he works at the weekends and often is not home until 7. We have friends over a lot, but inevitably there is lots of time when it is just DS and I. Until now, those times have been good and happy, but increasingly I find myself feeling a bit lost.

DS has always had a sunny happy nature and lots of enthusiasm. However, he has a tendency gets lost behind a screen- ipad, minecraft, you tube etc.. Until recently I've not found it too hard to prise him away from screens and engage him in something else, but I have noticed that he and I seem to find it increasingly hard to find something that interests him which doesn't involve a screen. Left to his own devices he would play on a screen 24/7 and I do feel it is my job to limit this.

He's not terribly sporty but enjoys being outdoors, cubs, learning guitar, and cricket.

We used to spend lots of time doing stuff together- baking, exploring, gardening, but he's now less interested in this and I feel a bit lost for ideas of things to do together. Things like reading to him at bedtime, having bubble fights, icing cakes, make believe etc. feel too babyish and I don't know what to replace them with. I feel like I was a good 'small child' mum, but don't know how to be a 'big child' mum.

I guess I'm just a bit lost as to what happens in a normal household with kids of DS' age? What to you do together? How do your children tend to spend their time? How much independence do they have? What non-screen stuff do they get involved in at home?

Any thoughts would be very gratefully received.

I have a 9 year old. Much as he loves Minecraft he also enjoys cycling (we go 20 or 30 miles routinely together having a nice lunch stop), swimming, going to parkrun (btw, he's not naturally sporty or fast, so things together are great).
He likes having a bit of independence and going into the little shops with a list, then cooking dinner together. I'm also slowly letting him go to the park by himself more, and to the library.
He doesn't like being read to, so we read companionably together in bed for half an hour and tell each other about bits.

You could be writing about my DS, OP, who is also 9 and an only child. His dad & I are together though and they do go to local football matches together which I'm not part of!

This last year there has been a definite change but he still enjoys playing cards, board games, cooking like making pizzas or buns, DVDs, cinema, Cubs, collecting football cards etc. The main thing I'd suggest is to introduce some sort of 'talk time' either informally or not. I found out loads of stuff I wouldn't have otherwise and I think it's important for mums with boys to keep this up - they definitely don't share as much as girls do.

We also visit local museums and exhibitions which we all enjoy. During the school holidays I make a point of hooking up with some of the other mums from his school and we do picnics, beach etc which gives him play mates and a chance for me to catch up with them all.

I ask DD what she enjoyed doing at school or perhaps who she played with or what she played/did at lunchtime. Or perhaps anything she didn't enjoy. She doesn't often volunteer information. In conversations like this, I find it more likely to ascertain if something is in her mind. A "what's up" brings nothing. As others have suggested these types of conversations are often good when enjoying an activity DD likes doing so she's distracted and opens up.