To think DP should leave his home town and live in mine

[Tillyscoutsmum]

DP and I have been together for just over 2 years. All is going well and we are very happy. We're both in our 40's and DP owns and lives in his house about 40 minutes away. I'm currently renting with my 2 dc's (6 and 9) in the village where they have lived all their lives. I have equity from the marital home ready for when I come to buy another house.

DP and I have started to discuss buying a house and moving in together. We would be putting similar amounts of equity in and my income is slightly higher than his (not massively so).

I would like to stay buy in the area where I live now. My dc's are settled in school here and have friends/activities etc here. Their dad also lives here and he we currently share access about 60:40 (I.e he takes and collects them from school 2 morning and afternoons per week). My workplace is also a short commute which enables me to get back in time to collect them from after school club on the 3 nights I have them.

DP has lived in his area all his life. He has friends there but no children. His work is about a 20 minute commute from his house and about a 30 minute commute from mine.

I want to stay here - the dc's are settled and their dad can be more hands on than he would be if we moved away. DP doesn't necessarily want us to move to where he lives now but he dies think we should compromise and move to somewhere new for all of us (geographically about half way between where we both live now). I really don't see the point in uprooting the dc's to go to somewhere where none of us have any particularly connections.

So, AIBU to think that it would make more sense for us to buy a property in my village..?

Thank you everyone. I'm glad that I'm (mostly) being reasonable. I've spoken to DP this evening and he has admitted it's the option that makes the most sense but was just a bit pissed off at my steamroller approach the assumption and lack of discussion

YANBU.

Can you show your willingness to compromise in other areas than geography? The location sounds a bit like a no brainer but can you show how much to pick a house on the right side of town for his commute, the kind of house he likes etc

And emphasising that you are not prioritising your ex-husband but your children's and your quality of life as a couple. Good custody arrangements make both households happy.

Good luck.

I can see both sides. My bf and I plan to live together in future, we've been together 2 years also. However we both have children, and therefore reaching compromise has proved difficult. My DC are older, and will be leaving school soon. However they've lived here for their whole lives. His Dc are still in prlmary school so he doesn't want to live more than a couple of miles away (my house is about 25 miles from his). I work a few miles from where I live. He works almost midway between our respective homes. I can't see a compromise at present, so we've parked it for now as we're happy to leave living together for a while longer.

It is especially tricky when you've both got dc's Velvet. We're not in any rush either It was just initial conversations about the future (6-12 months time maybe). I suppose I was just perplexed because I know if the roles were reversed, it wouldn't cross my mind that we'd live anywhere except close to his dc's.

Velvet, in your situation, if his DC are with him sometimes during the week I think when yours leave home it'd make most sense for you to move to his, since his DC are much younger. Trickier if his DC are rarely at his (eg e/o weekend).