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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want football fans to stay...

47 replies

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 10/04/2016 19:43

My DH's nephew's football team was promoted and this means that they have two away matches near to where we live. Nephew has just asked DH if he and 4 friends can stay overnight at our house when they travel to one of these matches. DH has agreed and I am not happy. We live in a small semi so not much room for visitors. Apparently the plan is that they will bring a tent and put it up in our (tiny) back garden, and 4 will sleep there, and nephew in our spare room. These are grown up men, I have never met them (apart from nephew) and tbh I just don't want them to stay. DH says that IABU and they will be be no bother, but they are going to have to use my bathroom, and if they are staying in my garden then I will have to offer them some basic hospitality (a cup of tea!). I am recovering from an injury myself and I just can't be bothered.

OP posts:

Lighteningirll · 10/04/2016 21:43

Is this a repeat?

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 10:11

Thanks for your comments. It seems the consensus is that IABU!

I don't have a problem with them being football fans, that was was for background info. It's more that I have been sprung with having 5 adults staying (4 of which I have never met) without DH asking. I know it's only for one night, but it will pretty much take up the whole of the weekend. Anyhow, it's done now so I will have to try and make the best of it and make myself scarce. I will be hospitable when they arrive, I would never make anyone uncomfortable in my home.

DH, as usual, with do nothing to help with the practicalities of this visit.

I don't feel that I am being 'snobby' about this. I will agree inhospitable, but I am just a little bit pissed off.

I haven't posted about this before btw. It's my first AIBU.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 11/04/2016 10:13

DH, as usual, with do nothing to help with the practicalities of this visit.
That's an entirely different issue which sounds like it needs addressing.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/04/2016 10:16

Yes you need to get Dh doing his share of the work it'll temporarily involve.

Frickle · 11/04/2016 10:21

No, of course yanbu. No member of a family/marriage gets to invite five people to stay over without checking it's OK with the other party, and if said person will not do all the feeding, cleaning etc, then that's doubly unfair. And four of them being total strangers makes it even worse, even if they're camping in the garden.

Let your DH deal with all the practicalities of their visit, OP, and focus on your recovery.

Nicnak2223 · 11/04/2016 10:22

Your DH's nephew is your nephew too

MidniteScribbler · 11/04/2016 10:24

The only thing I would stipulate is no drunken party in the backyard. You don't want to have issues with your neighbours.

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 10:26

PurpleDaisies, yes I agree. Me and DH have completely different ideas of what levels of tidiness and cleanliness is acceptable! I don't think I could be described as houseproud, he just doesn't care. You can lead a horse to water and all that...

OP posts:

leelu66 · 11/04/2016 10:30

My DH would never invite anyone to stay without checking with me first and vice versa. So YANBU on that front first at all.

If your DH is then not going to expect you to be the hospitable one, then double YANBU.

At a push, I would say yes but stipulate that DH has to take care of them, and tell him that next time he needs to check with you before he agrees to have someone over.

As QOD, there was a similar thread about some men staying an OPs and pocketing the accommodation allowance, although I think the football player was the step son and not a nephew.

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 10:33

MidniteScribbler - I certainly hope there will be no drunken party, they're middle aged men in their forties not teenagers ;)

OP posts:

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 10:35

Leelu66 - I remember that one now. I think the SS was a manager, and the other guests were teenagers.

OP posts:

MTPurse · 11/04/2016 10:38

This is very familiar!

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 10:41

MTPurse - definitely my first post about this. They travel to every away match though, so perhaps there's another Mrs Laidup somewhere else in the country moaning about this very same thing!

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 11/04/2016 10:56

Well I wouldn't want it. I think it's quite an imposition for 5 grown men to expect someone to let them pitch a tent in their garden and then use all their facilities.

Sounds like you're on your own with the tidying up and any hospitality required if your DH isn't going to help, and in that case he shouldn't have said yes, especially as you've got this injury.

I think they've got a bloody cheek to ask. What's wrong with a B&B.

I hope they have enough courtesy to bring you a huge bunch of flowers or some wine at least.

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/04/2016 10:56

Having seen your update op I'd be inclined to ask your dh to relinquish the offer of accommodation unless he agrees to do any required hospitality. I wouldn't have a problem giving my back garden over for one night, but I know dh would pull his weight. If yours won't then I'd be inclined to agree with you!

GoblinLittleOwl · 11/04/2016 12:18

Three of my daughter's university male friends stayed and camped in the garden, and as I was out that evening and had to leave early the next morning I only met them briefly, which was a shame. They were no trouble at all.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 11/04/2016 12:36

Your bathroom? Your garden?

You mean your DH can only use your bathroom and your garden with permission? Does your DH have his own separate bathroom (possible, in which case these guys won't be using your's so non-issue)? Does your DH have his own separate garden?

Assume you mean "our bathroom" and "our garden"?

Scholes34 · 11/04/2016 13:40

You never know, OP, they might be delightful people. I'm sure they'll be grateful and it's lovely your nephew feels he can ask.

Original poster

Laidupwithabrokenleg · 11/04/2016 14:00

StillDrSethHazlittMD - fair point, although bathroom will definitely be 'mine' when it comes to cleaning it!

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 11/04/2016 15:21

if they are in their forties and grown men then they presumably know how to behave in someone's house. You might find them good company for the very short time you have them there. I wouldn't care at all and would either give good hospitality by getting some beers in for the eve before the match, cooking them a breakfast and letting them kip down in sleeping bags in the living room, or at the bare minimum buy in some sausages and rolls and leave them to it. how difficult is bleaching the loo after, leave out some wipes and an air freshener and they might actually leave it spotless, not all men are filthy creatures unable to piss straight or clean after themselves

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/04/2016 15:42

They're in their 40's? Grown up nephews should surely be around 20

Frickle · 11/04/2016 15:51

Oh, I thought they were teenagers, too, If they're in their 40s, why don't they pay for a hotel/B and B/campsite, for heaven's sake? I assumed they were penniless and young.

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