To want to know if any of you have pre-teen or teenage daughters who self harm?

[ThisIsAnotherNC]

I know I'm gonna get flamed for this post but here goes anyway. 12 YO DD does, and I found out in October. School counsellor useless. I got her a therapist but doesn't seem to go anything. I was wondering if any of you have a similar problem?

I used to self harm. My mum knew, she even read through my diary and read my dark thoughts and the sexual abuse and bullying I went through. She said if I didn't tell her everything that had happened to me right then she wouldn't help me. I couldn't face telling her so that was that. I cut for years. I stopped about 18 months ago. Even now I have the desire to but don't because I now have a son and do not want any more scars to explain.

So my advice to you is let her know you're there but don't pressure her. And be there when she is ready to talk. If she must cut advise her it is with a clean blade and she dresses the wound appropriately. Support her to get the help she needs.

I self harmed by cutting from when I was 13 and a couple of friend did it too but superficial cuts. They stopped after a couple of months but I continued for the next 15 years with the cuts becoming more serious. However, I had suffered terrible abuse and spent time in care so there wasn't really anywhere to turn. I had two years of twice weekly psychodynamic therapy on the NHS which got me started on the issues behind self harming and stopped cutting about seven years later as it no longer gave me what I needed. I self harm in other ways but haven't cut in a few years. Unfortunately, the length and intensity of psychotherapy I had is not longer available on the NHS.

The first thing you need to accept is you can't stop your daughter cutting herself and you don't want to get into a battle of wills or for her to become secretive about it and move the cuts to other parts of her body. As a PP said work on good hygiene and see if your DD is comfortable enough to tell you when she has self harmed. I know it can be distressing to see your child hurting herself or himself but I'd recommend emotional support over condemnation. She will hopefully eventually stop once she no longer needs the release that cutting gives her - that is what happened to me with my serious mental health problems. But if she doesn't then you will have to wait until she is ready to see a therapist because until that point it won't help.