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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not agree with sleepovers for kids aged under 5 or even slightly older?!

71 replies

MigraineMartie · 09/04/2016 22:49

Am I crazy?
I am a 35 year old mother, normal enough I would say!
Yet I just can't seem to agree with my family on this subject who think the children ( aged 4 and a baby ) should be staying over at cousins etc for sleepovers by now - in particular the 4 year old DD
I don't know how she would be as generally she is always in our care, we have quite an attachment parenting relationship if you like so aside from pre school and school come September she is with us in all that we do.
I don't feel like she misses out on anything, and she's never asked to stay anywhere without us although has started to question why cousins stay at grandparents and she doesn't but more in a confused sense rather than envy and when asked if she would like to always asks why we would need to leave her instead of taking her home with us.
Am I alone in my view that it's not needed and actually 4 is very young for this anyway?

OP posts:

CallarMorvern · 10/04/2016 07:04

Sleepovers should be banned for any age of child. Hate hosting them with a passion, kids are foul, tired and grumpy next day.

LBOCS2 · 10/04/2016 07:16

DD is 3 and LOVES a sleepover with her aunties. She has her own special Peppa bed, and a special sleepover rucksack which she packs with her clothes and her toys. When she stays at SILs, she stays up late and always has pizza for breakfast. It's the most fun EVER, we're told.

I love that she has that sort of relationship with our sisters. Hasn't done her any harm, and as I'm having DC2 any day now the fact that she's used to someone else being with her overnight is no bad thing, considering.

But you know - your child, your rules. That's how it goes!

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/04/2016 07:33

I think it depends on the child and how comfortable they are with the place they'll be staying overnight. My DC (4.10 and 3.9) haven't gone to a sleepover but have had a friend (4.9) over recently. Parents of friend are in our old NCT group and so we've known him since birth, plus we see him and his parents once a week to play after school - so basically he's very familiar with us and vice versa. The friend seemed perfectly happy staying with us, although he very politely declined my offer of a kiss goodnight

I'd happily let my DC stay O/N with that family, but probably not with their actual cousins as they have met their cousins all of twice

Do what suits you and your child basically.

megletthesecond · 10/04/2016 07:37

I've known several reception age sleepovers. Sounds like stress and hassle for everyone concerned.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/04/2016 08:01

Sleepovers with friends it's too young.

Staying with grandparents/family overnight, absolutely ok and a great experience for gps and dgc.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/04/2016 08:11

Ds's first sleepover was with a close friend when he was 6.

I think it's a really useful thing if children will happily stay with friends and family in case of an emergency.

Blu · 10/04/2016 08:19

Most people are replying to your thread title about 'sleepovers ' with school friends, rather than staying with relatives.

I feel quite sad that DS lived too far away to stay with his grandparents like I used to do when I was little. It was special time, being coddled by grandparents and learning different things from them: created a strong bond.

I loved staying with my cousins at my auntie's, too.

It's up to you, she's your dd, but unless you have reason to keep distance from these family members or she is shy or otherwise resistant, it always seems a nice thing to do, to me.

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/04/2016 08:31

Staying with relatives is fine at that age and means dh and I get some time together. No it's not 'necessary' so if you don't want to allow your dc to do it then fine. But our 5yo ds loves staying with his grandparents, auntie's and cousins. We don't ship him off every weekend, but once in a while seems to do him and us good. As a currently only child with no friends in our area (he goes to school 15 mins away) it's his only chance to spend time with other children, and he loves it.

Capricorn76 · 10/04/2016 08:32

Do what you want with your own family and don't judge others for what they want to do with theirs. My DD had friend sleepovers from 4 as we don't have ^helpful^family close by. A few of our friends don't either so we alternate sleepovers which is fun for the girls and allows us parents to be able to go out in the evening. Sorry I'm not waiting until DD is 10 to be able to go on a date with DH.

I don't understand why people don't understand why others do things differently to them and automatically think the other person is wrong. Everyone's beliefs, circumstances are different.

Capricorn76 · 10/04/2016 08:35

As another poster also said as an only child I'm keen for DD to form close bonds with other children and sharing a room with another child and running around in the morning together in their pjs is a normal thing for many other kids that she doesn't get to do all the time so it's nice for her to ocassionally get the chance.

madcapcat · 10/04/2016 08:46

Dh and I are childless. Dsis is a single mum. Eldest niece has been staying with us at least once a week since she was 2 weeks old, though for the first few times my dsis stayed too. Her younger sister was older when she first stayed with us but I'm very glad she did. When she was 18months dsis was rushed into hospital at a time when no other family were around. It was hard enough looking after them both then,it would have been immeasurably worse if she wasn't so used to us particularly as she was also ill at the time

madcapcat · 10/04/2016 08:48

Posted too soon. Other nephew wasn't ready to stay over anywhere until he was 7. You know your DD -you know what she will be happy with

Coldlightofday · 10/04/2016 08:58

Sorry, where is everyone getting these 4 year olds (and younger) who sleep?

madcapcat · 10/04/2016 09:16

Coldlight my nieces still talk fondly about how easy it was to get to sleep at our house because of the routine it's amazing how much easier it is to behave when you're staying somewhere else (and when it's perfectly legitimate to say that if you can't sleep here you'd better stay at home next week) it also meant my dsis could rely on a decent night once a week

Empressa · 10/04/2016 09:17

I can't see the problem with sleeping at family - I think at 4 DC would love it. We're unfortunately too far away so it would never happen.

I'd say they can stay at friends as soon as they are happy to do so. I would only allow it for friends I knew well though, not just some randomer from school.

Each to his own innit?

Coldlightofday · 10/04/2016 09:22

I was being tongue in cheek madcap. But there isn't an emoji for that.

There totally should be!

Thanks though, I must try having a routine

GreenRug · 10/04/2016 09:22

We have cousin sleepovers since the eldest two were about 4, they all love it. All of them regularly sleep over at my mum's too. I wouldn't be doing sleepovers for friends though, that's ALOT later on!

superram · 10/04/2016 09:35

I think the use of the word sleepover is misleading. Sleeping at the house of close family of friends is just that. Myself and a friend are trialling it with our 6 and 4 year olds as it would allow us to get away with our husbands for a night. A true sleepover is loads of kids staying up all night eating chocolate and watching films and generally keeping the host family awake-usually reserved for older kids-8 minimum?

Lightbulbon · 10/04/2016 09:35

An important part of parenting is encouraging your child's independence.

You don't need sleepovers but being by your side all the time is unhealthy.

curren · 10/04/2016 09:39

My 5 year old wouldn't sleep at his friends house. But adores staying with dbro, Sil and his cousins.

Both mine have stayed with family from being about 18 months. A night here, a night there. Maybe about twice a year. And we have them here. My oldest nephew is 3 and stayed here about 4 times.

They love it. They get a lot out of it.

If you don't want your kids to that's fine, but you can't expect everyone else to agree.

I don't think 4 is very young for staying with family. Personally.

Rosti1981 · 10/04/2016 09:42

Totally depends on the relationship with family members I'd say. We are fairly attachment parenty and ours haven't stayed over with family, but I would be happy with DD aged 5 staying over with grandparents (and would have been from about age 3 I reckon, had they ever offered/asked). I think she would love it now. But the offer has never been there.... Possibly because of geographical distance, but still.

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