To be mad at FIL for feeding my daughter meat?

[Fruitypebbles]

Hi, just joined the site to ask this.

We're vegans, and my daughter has been raised and weaned vegan. She's 5 and happily eats anything put in front of her. She's very healthy, not lacking in any vitamins or nutrients at all and is beautiful, happy and refuses to eat meat usually because she knows in child friendly terms why we are vegans.

Despite her health being perfectly fine (she rarely ever gets ill, let alone any deficiencies in iron and protein - there's plenty of protein in plants!) my FIL thinks we're evil. We've given him all the information, shown him exactly how much she gets in a normal day and he can see how healthy she is. He fed her a meat casserole, she obviously couldn't recognise the meat in the stew because we use meat subs occasionally. She was very, very sick after this as her body can't digest meat after never eating it. Why can't he just respect our choices to not eat animal products? AIBU?

[DotForShort]

YANBU. If he had unwittingly given your child something non-vegan, that would have been an honest mistake. But he deliberately fed her meat, going against your (and her) wishes. That is a rather hostile act on his part. I would be very angry indeed if I were in your shoes.

I'm not a vegan or a vegetarian, but I am surprised that people still believe that meat is an essential part of a healthy diet. Of course it is perfectly possible to have a healthy vegan diet. It isn't even that difficult.

[FaFoutis]

Making a child vegan is just the same as pushing any religion on to them

Making a child eat meat is just the same as pushing any religion on to them.

Parents pass their values on to their children because they believe in them. There's no default or neutral way to bring up a child.

[ghostyslovesheep]

ItsAllGoingToBeFine - I knew someone would ask so I've been looking - I can't blooming find it BUT I am seeing my mum tomorrow so I'll ask her (it's one of hers)

basically it's rum, pineapple, ginger bics and dark chock made into a loaf (no baking) - it's bloody amazing

[JacobFryesTopHatLackey]

Sounds like a fridge cake or rocky roads.
Do you use fresh pineapple or tinned?

www.vegrecipesofindia.com/ This is one of my favourite blogs for veggie and vegan food.

[catsrus]

Didn't any of the anti vegan lobby watch the first part of the new BBC documentary "How to stay young"? Lots of evidence from population studies that a vegan diet is the healthiest.
www.radiotimes.com/news/2016-04-07/how-to-stay-young-become-a-dancing-dog-loving-vegan

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Raising a child as a meat eater, vegetarian or vegan is a choice, and we all differ in what we consider to be the "right" decision.

Parents should ensure their child's diet meets their nutritional needs- and I dare say there are some meat eating children who are fed a far less healthy diet than the OP's DD, the vegans I know make great efforts to ensure their children get the nutrients they need- and be open to their DC making their own choice when they are old enough to weigh things up.

Yes a vegetarian child certainly can introduce meat as an adult. It may need to be gradually.

I do know some tiresome people who just won't listen about vegetarian/ vegan diets- they are unhealthy 'just because'- no amount of discussion or evidence will sway them. I don't think you can change your fil's opinion. You need to be clear that he mustn't go behind your back to undermine your decisions. You need to create appropriate boundaries so that he won't do the same again.

I'm sorry your DD is upset. Whilst I would empathise with her and agree that fil was wrong and you will tell him he mustn't do that again, I would be careful not to upset your DD further by being very upset in front of her. Reassure her that whilst she was unwell, she is fine now and no long term harm has been done, and in fact most vegetarians probably mistakenly eat meat at least once in their lives.

[ghostyslovesheep]

oh I found it - in a FB chat from 2013!

Coconut and chocolate truffle cake with pineapple.
350 grz fresh pineapple
4 tablespoons dark rum
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
200gr good dark chocolate
100 gram unsalted butter..or vegan marg
175 gr creamed coconut
200 gr ginger bics

I can't find the instructions - I think you marinade the pineapple in the rum, melt the choc and add the rest (smash up the ginger bics) and place in a bread type tin in the fridge until set

[ghostyslovesheep]

I've made it with tinned pineapple ...and a lot more rum!

[andintothefire]

Also slightly horrified at people suggesting 'maybe let her be vegetarian outside the house'. Why should ones ethics be considered so transient? I'm sure none of you would suggest not hitting people in the house but it's fine to hit people when you go out... There's really no difference if you believe it's wrong to harm animals for food its wrong everywhere!

I understand your point but that analogy doesn't work in circumstances where the OP has said that ultimately it will be her daughter's choice what she eats. It's not the same as teaching your children that hitting is always wrong.

I suppose I just wonder at what point that choice kicks in. My DC at age 5 or 6 was eating food at friends' houses and at parties that I wouldn't have chosen for them, but I remember that at that age they were old enough to have their own likes and dislikes and would have been aware if I had sent them to parties with their own food and instructions not to eat anything else provided by the host. I think that the reality is that the OP will at some point need to decide whether her daughter really will have her own choice or not.

Maybe 5 is too young to make that choice. I think it really depends on the child.

None of this changes my original view that the FIL was wrong and very disrespectful however!

[catsrus]

My DC were raised veggie, all starting eating meat by choice around 11-13. In adulthood (all in 20's) we have two who are veggie (one striving to be vegan) and one meat eater who wants to give it up but "enjoys it too much". I was a strict veggie until about 6yrs ago when I started eating meat and fish occasionally. None of us had any physical problem adjusting to eating meat.

I think you have to be very firm with your FIL over this, but make sure you reassure your dd that she hasn't done anything wrong - 5 was quite a sensitive age for mine wrt the whole "some people eat animals" discussion.

[JacobFryesTopHatLackey]

That sounds fantastic. And I have some green and blacks dark chocolate with ginger that'd be perfect for it. Thanks Ghosty.

[FaFoutis]

The analogy does work. What would have to change for the child to eat meat is that moral judgement from the child's perspective. Not the situation.

The parent believes it is always wrong to harm animals for food but doesn't assume the child will always have this belief.

[Bluetrews25]

LOL at Bettercallsaul1's 'couldn't she have some wafer thin ham?' or even some dairylea on toast?!

[TealLove]

Omg this thread has inspired me to become vegan
What a beautiful recipe blog.
I truly think it is one of the healthiest diets to have but I imagine you have to be v creative and dedicated.

[lorelei9here]

Thing is, my folks were raised veggie and as adults, they started to eat meat little by little. This girl was misled and predictably not well as a result.

[ghostyslovesheep]

enjoy Jacob - I've managed to find a bit more of the recipe - you melt the marg, coconut and choc together then add the bics and pineapple

[andintothefire]

FaFoutis - interesting. You may be right. So the argument is that until the child is old enough to make a moral judgment it is the parents' morals that should prevail even if that leads to the child having to be different to most of his or her friends.

While I would still slightly struggle with sending my children to friends' houses with their own food (which in reality is what would happen given how few people can cater easily for a vegan diet) I do see your point. Perhaps it is not so different to children with severe allergies who are often in the same position.

I do however still think it begs the question what happens when a child is offered a crisp or a non-vegan cheese sandwich. I don't mean to be facetious - I genuinely wonder where the boundaries are given that the OP's daughter is at the age where she will start to be on her own at friends' houses.

[snowgirl29]

YNBU.
My 'D' M did something similar a few years ago with DD. Not meat related.
Told her DD couldn't have too much citrusy things (Reflux). My advice was ignored until DD promptly projectile vomited all over her living room.

It's a shitty thing to go against your parenting wishes and I agree with the others. I'd be minimising contact with them for the near future.

[BertrandRussell]

He shouldn't have given her meat. It really pisses me off when people do this sort of thing to vegetarians and vegans

But she wasn't sick because she ate meat. Her digestive system "knows" how to eat an omnivorous diet.

[SmallBee]

Ghosty thank you for that yummy recipe. I'm a meat eater but it's not all about the meat/cheese/eggs!

For those of you who are hand wringing on behalf of the Ops 'poor little vegan girl', A) you're missing the point and B) don't be silly.

OP is clearly taking her DD's nutritional welfare very seriously, much more so than I am with my meat eating DCs.
Good job op.

[AbernathysFringe]

FIL totally unreasonable. I'm sorry that it made her sick and it was very underhanded of him to hide the meat in stew. Totally unnecessary.
It's lovely seeing how many MNers are so sensible about the veggie/vegan choice for children. Whatever you do with your child, you are making the choice for them, because that is what being a parent is! Especially when it comes to ethical matters, you need to not be a hypocrite and raise them according to your beliefs, giving them the info when they're old enough to ask for it and understand it so they can then make an informed choice themselves.
I'm anti-industrial farming, so neither I or my 10mth DD eat anything that's been abbatoired. I will eat and give her wild meat 1 or 2 times a month however, though my beliefs about all life being of value are on par with the OPs. When she's old enough to ask about meat, I'll show her the videos of where meat comes from and make sure she knows meat is animals. Parties etc. I'll inform the parent host but then not have a breakdown if DD herself picks something up that I wouldn't feed her before she's old enough to understand. My exP is a major meat eater (lots of crap too) but won't feed her any non-wild.

[FlowersAndShit]

Vegetarians are a pain in the arse.

[TheVeganVagina]

Making a child eat meat is just like pushing your religion onto them.
I have friends who were bought up on a meat eating diet and they have never fotgiven them for it. Their bodies now cant cope without it. One even cried, literally cried at a vegan dinner because they couldnt eat the food, they would have been sick, they needed meat.

[lorelei9here]

VeganVagina

[snowgirl29]

I turned veggie last year but still allow my DCs to have meat. When they are old enough they can decide for themselves if they want to follow suit.

OP, a pp said, most have probably eaten meat unwittingly at some point or another. I know I certainly have, it's surprising what you can hide meat & fish products in! google certain soft drinks especially.
Do please tell your DD to try not to be upset. It wasn't her fault and it is your FIL who is responsible here. I hope she is better now. 😊