To be mad at FIL for feeding my daughter meat?

[Fruitypebbles]

Hi, just joined the site to ask this.

We're vegans, and my daughter has been raised and weaned vegan. She's 5 and happily eats anything put in front of her. She's very healthy, not lacking in any vitamins or nutrients at all and is beautiful, happy and refuses to eat meat usually because she knows in child friendly terms why we are vegans.

Despite her health being perfectly fine (she rarely ever gets ill, let alone any deficiencies in iron and protein - there's plenty of protein in plants!) my FIL thinks we're evil. We've given him all the information, shown him exactly how much she gets in a normal day and he can see how healthy she is. He fed her a meat casserole, she obviously couldn't recognise the meat in the stew because we use meat subs occasionally. She was very, very sick after this as her body can't digest meat after never eating it. Why can't he just respect our choices to not eat animal products? AIBU?

[cdtaylornats]

Making a child vegan is just the same as pushing any religion on to them. Eventually she could probably retrain her body when she is old enough. Of course it means a childhood of not going to McDonalds with her friends.

[PinkPjamas]

He has completely disrespected your parenting choices and I would be utterly livid.
Vegans can be completely healthy and there are some very ignorant posts on here. Agree with a pp-if you're going to be abrupt about a lifestyle choice, educate yourself first otherwise you look stupid to those who are already educated in the matter.

[kittybiscuits]

'Not going to Macdonalds with her friends' PMSL

[Bettercallsaul1]

Could she have some wafer-thin ham?

[Mousefinkle]

This is disgraceful, even more so since it made her sick. I hope he feels really bad.

I'm vegetarian, raising DC the same way. Their dad was when he was with me but since we separated has started eating meat again. He still respects their vegetarian diet and doesn't give them any! My eldest knows anyway, he won't even eat the quorn there because he doesn't believe it isn't dead animals like the ones his dad eats .

You need to be having firm words. I'm not sure I'd trust him alone with her again either.

[ghostyslovesheep]

OMG call Childline - she wont be able to go to McDonalds

(French fries, hash browns, fruit bags and salads are Vegan at McDonalds btw)

[Aeroflotgirl]

My vegan friend goes to MacDonalds, she tells me that there are foods there vegans can eat.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I think there is, a Mumsnetter posted a link a while back.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I make the most fantastic - fully vegan - crunchy chocolate, pineapple and rum cake

Recipe please!

[Branleuse]

im not vegan (although agree with the principles, just not ever managed to sustain it for long), but id be fucking furious and disgusted with him on many different levels

[Aeroflotgirl]

notjustgreens.blogspot.co.uk/

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

I would have gone batshit crazy. How would those of you who think it's ok react if someone fed your child fried locusts, grilled dog or sheep's eyeballs against your wishes.
I hope your dd is able and willing to tell her grandfather just how ill and upset she was.
My dd decided to introduce meat into her diet a few years ago, to make it easier to eat when away from home, and did it by introducing a little meat, occasionally, so it can be done IF and only IF the child wishes.
I'm unpleasantly ill if I eat beef, despite being brought up eating beef, pork and lamb.
Poor little girl.
gets coat to track down ghostyslovesheep to steal her cakes

[andintothefire]

Your FIL was very disrespectful and of course YANBU to be angry at him. However at what point do you think your daughter will be able to make her own choice? Will you be angry if he offers her meat next time and she chooses to try some? If so, at what age will you allow her that choice?

I do wonder whether enforcing a vegan diet is a good idea because it will start to limit your daughter's freedom so much. Would you consider allowing her to be vegetarian outside the house? Not so much because there are health benefits (I am sure your vegan diet is extremely healthy) but because it will give her more choice and the ability to join in with her friends more.

I dated somebody who was vegan and I have to admit that I found it very difficult indeed. We could never go out to eat or join friends for dinner. It is very much more limiting on a social level than being vegetarian, which I think is a much easier diet to accommodate. I wonder if your FIL is perhaps slightly aware of that, and not just trying to impose his own silly ideas about what is healthy for her.

I am sorry if you think this is interfering. I just think that you might be faced with quite a lot of similar situations in years to come (when she starts going to friends' houses, to parties etc) and I wonder if it might be worth giving some thought to whether you can be slightly more flexible in your boundaries by making it OK for your daughter to eat some vegetarian rather than vegan food when she is not at home.

[claraschu]

I would be willing to bet that the meat-pushing people on this thread have deprived their children of more things that my children devour than I have deprived my children of different meats.

Oh meat-lovers, have your kids eaten a wide variety of sea-vegetables, lots of unusual grains and pulses, every vegetable under the sun? Have they eaten seitan, wakame, amaranth, kohlrabi and samphire? You are depriving them of the chance to go with their friends to Souen in NYC.

[JacobFryesTopHatLackey]

Can I have the recipe for the rum, chocolate and pineapple cake too please? I'm not vegan but I am allergic to eggs and Id love to expand my baking repertoire beyond vegan brownies and banana teabread.

And Yanbu op.

[andintothefire]

When I say "We could never go out to eat or join friends for dinner" I mean that, while we could in theory have done those things, in practice it was just not very enjoyable because the vegan food on offer at most restaurants was pretty dreadful and it always felt rude asking friends to make a different dinner for my ex (or offering to take his own meal).

I think that being vegan is a very valid choice and greatly respected my ex for it, but it was a choice that he made in his 20s when he was prepared for the difficulties that come with it in a society that does often revolve around sharing food in a social setting! I was vegetarian at the time and really noticed the difference in our choices. So I don't intend to make any criticism of being vegan, but just want to make the point that I think your daughter might start to find it difficult.

[claraschu]

andintothefire I understand what you are saying, but some of this might have been your boyfriend's attitude. I have some very good vegan friends, and we never have trouble finding places to eat, as they are happy to have somewhat limited choices of food in order to socialise with friends. Maybe your boyfriend was fussy, or maybe your other friends had a narrow choice of restaurants. There are lots of fantastic places for vegans to eat in any city these days, and there is usually something on any menu that can be adjusted to accommodate vegans.

[claraschu]

Sorry x-post

[andintothefire]

Claraschu - you may be right! Perhaps also he should not have been so embarrassed about offering to take his own food to places!

[PaperdollCartoon]

As a fellow vegan (although no children as yet) in horrified for you. YansolutelyNBU, it's your choice what to feed your child and a child who isn't used to eating meat or dairy certainly would be ill doing so.

Also to address a couple of points that came up before:
B12 - is a problem for everyone now, not just vegans. B12 isn't really a vitamin, it's a bacteria that grows on soil, we ingest it through eating things from the soil, or eating animals that have eaten things from the soil. Thanks to depleted soils and veggies been sprayed/stored in God knows what, we don't get much of it anymore. Many animals are now injected with b12 themselves so farmers can say it's in the meat. About 10-15% of people are now b12 deficient in this country, and with only 1% vegans it's clearly a bigger issue!

And on a sad way to grow up, you're clearly not very creative with your food! And even on the party food, a sandwich with vegan cheese and vegan butter is just fine! Plus you can raise children without the hypocrisy of 'don't hit that dog/cat, but it's fine to pay people to kill pigs and cows!' (Sorry, don't want to start a debate but couldn't resist)

I also highly recommend the Minimalist Baker online for awesome vegan desserts, especially her one bowl chocolate cake :)

[Branleuse]

its got nothing to do with whether you agree with eating meat or not. If you have a massive moral objection to something, then you dont expect people to do that thing to your child

[fascicle]

BaronDent
having known people who were brought up as veggies and were then unable to process meat when they finally had the choice I think it's a despicable thing to do.

In the light of your condemnation - despicable thing to do - please provide evidence that the phenomenon you mention exists i.e. that vegetarians who are sick after trying meat will have any longterm issues if they continue to eat meat.

[PaperdollCartoon]

Also slightly horrified at people suggesting 'maybe let her be vegetarian outside the house'. Why should ones ethics be considered so transient? I'm sure none of you would suggest not hitting people in the house but it's fine to hit people when you go out... There's really no difference if you believe it's wrong to harm animals for food its wrong everywhere!

[MrsLupo]

I just want to add that I think what you're doing for your DD is amazing, OP. You're giving her a fantastically healthy start in life physically plus bringing her up with principles, both about food provenance and about 'walking the walk' in a more general sense. Why you would want to wait until she's had decades of meat-eating to help her 'make up her own mind' I can't think. If she shares your views and values (and typically children do, to a large extent), I would think she would find that sad and mystifying rather than liberating. I really question whether the posters who are advocating that are so rigorously even-handed about their preferred religious, political or moral stances. I know I'm not. On a practical level, most larger towns and cities have vegan restaurants and if I were your friend I would be only too happy to cook a vegan meal so you could come round to dinner without having to bring your own food. Anyone who wouldn't isn't much of a friend, imo!