Aibu to think this is a waste of gps time and appointments and worry about attention

[sothisishowitfeels]

My gp has been seeing me every two week for the last couple of months. I have been ill and in hospital but I am now well apart from my heart going fast (apparently it's around 140-150bpm) in the surgery. I have been given tablets to slow it but it's pretty much the same - the gp doesn't seem worried.

I also take antidepressants I have been on them for 18 months but since having my youngest dd my gp changed them over. They are not working but as I have told my gp, I always get like this it will improve .

I do have other issues such - I know this bout of depression will get worse before it gets better it always does. I also suffer with tics which cause me physical pain as well as intrusive thoughts and very minor self harm. I have told my gp none of this ever, so there is no way it's why I keep getting asked to go back.

I feel like since I am pretty much nor meal for me I am just wasting their time, I am not sure what u am expected to do ! But as I say I keep being asked to go back every two weeks, the middle week the HV is doing home visits and the practice nurse has even phones to check on us!

I am coping fine, I care for my children, I keep the house decent. No I e has raised any concerns over that.

Aibu to ask to stop going? I am kind of afraid at this point it will draw more attention to me!

Normal to not nor meal!

If you are concerned about the amount of professional interest you seem to be attracting, ask you GP about it. Personally I'd rather eat my own liver than speak to a HV, but if yours is nice and supportive, then what's the harm? She might also be able to explain exactly why you need so much contact.
It's normal to worry about being "supervised" but it sounds like you are just being seen so often because your health needs keeping an eye on- perhaps the heart thing is fine, but needs proper monitoring to make sure it doesn't change?

I think your GP wants to keep an eye on you and make sure you don't have any huge worsening of symptoms.
I think she is right to do this and is certainly concerned about you .
Keep going - they must feel it's necessary because you know how hard it is to get an appointment so they don't 'waste' them
Good luck

which anti depressants are you taking? One of the ones I tried elevated my heart rate to silly levels.

Queenie- my HV is actually really nice but there isn't much to say i don't want to discuss the problems that i haven't already told them about so her visits are pretty much talking about random things like the weather!

The gp is very nice but she doesn't really understand that this is a long term thing and I don't really think anyone can help with it.

Oh- it was citalopram but she changed it to sertraline.

I agree that your GP wouldn't do anything they felt was a waste of their time or uneccesary.
When I was going through a traumatic divorce and was homeless as a result, the GP wanted to me every week and then fortnightly for what I felt was ages. He used to ask me what had been going on/any developments etc since my last appointment. I said it wasn't fair of me to tell him the latest news as it wasn't health related iykwim. He said that what was happening was important to him because it affected both my mental and physical health and those were his responsibility. I felt like a bit of a time waster yet also very safe and supported at a time that I was very vulnerable and my life in chaos. I knew that there was someone looking out for me. He helped me through some horrible times and as things gradually settled down, he lengthened the amount of time between appointments and eventually left it up to me as to if and when I saw him. Looking back, I think he realised I needed a lot of support and monitoring and just wanted to keep a close eye on things. I really don't think you should worry about the amount of contact your GP wants to maintain right now. They will probably start to tail it off once you seem to be over the worst of your depression. It's good they are looking out for you and after you. I hope you are soon feeling better

Reading between the lines, it sounds very like your g.p has sensed that you are hiding something and are needing a great deal of support (self harming/intrusive thoughts), she/he may have noticed your self harming at some point or it may have been picked up by a hv/ nurse in hospital. To be honest it is the g.p's responsibility to make sure that you are well, you are having some pretty worrisome symptoms and you obviously have a young family.

Post natal psychosis/ post natal depression and depression are horrific and have resulted in the loss of far too many lives, your g.p will want to make sure that your depression does not develop any further than it has. Can I ask why you haven't confided in your g.p about the self harming/ intrusive thoughts? There may be an alternative medication that you can try.Are you worried that the g.p has an alternative reason for wanting to see you? Paranoia can be very frightening and again should be reported to your g.p.

Thanks for replying everyone.

Mummy - She has never asked about any of it apart from saying "can you keep yourself safe?" Which I can. I am not suicidal and I have felt worse than I do now and still been "safe" if you see what I mean.

In a weird way going there and having the HV cone has helped in that it's forcing me to go out and interact with people and keep that routine if that makes sense . In another way it's made things a lot worse because its been harder to just act fine which is what I am trying to do!

There is no real reason I haven't told the gp the extent of the issues. I have told her I feel down and anxious and that things get worse and get better on their own and have done for 10+ years.

I haven't told her how bad things have been in the past because I find it difficult to talk about and embarrassing to admit but also because it's not that bad at the moment so it seems irrelevant.

I haven't told her about the tics etc simply because I've had that since early childhood, it's not new and I don't think it's worth mentioning in the time.

I do worry about telling her these things because I have a young but also large family (6 children under 11). I feel like i have been really good at just getting on and coping and the thought of anyone knowing I don't is just terrifying and I think admitting any of these issues will make things quickly worse

Maybe your GP senses there is something you are hiding and that despite your front, things aren't all fine, and wants to therefore keep regular contact? It might help you feel better if you offload to them

When I was pregnant with my third now 8 weeks my midwife explained to me that because of a prior bout of depression that I would have extra monitoring from the HV. My baby is 8 weeks and she had been coming round fortnightly until she was satisfied I was doing ok. My GP did a mental health review when I was pregnant, and was satisfied all was fine. All of this was in stark contrast to my first 2 pregnancies when no HCP were bothered. I suspect that at least where I live they're really pushing mental health at the moment. I feel like they are normalising depression, being more open and honest about it and not just a brief comment when reviewing my health notes. I think it's a good thing, as long as it's done sensitively.

GPs are very busy

if your gp wants to keep seeing you, there is a reason

You sound like an amazing woman. You sound very strong. What I am going to say is out of love. I do understand your reasoning for not telling health professions about the tics/thoughts/minor self harm. But why should you have to live with these things? You are worth as much as everyone else on the planet and deserve to be free of this and feel "normal". Both you and your children could have a much happier and contented life if you were free from tics/thoughts/self harm. Moreover, you are a mother to 6 children. These children will pick up there is something not quite right. Children think the way their parents behave is normal and don't question it. They also copy their parents. This behaviour, however unintentional, will be teaching them that they should keep secrets and hide their feelings and that they should not tell others when they do not feel safe. This behaviour is also teaching them to feel embarrassed about anything happening, which is beyond their control. No one would willingly choose to have mental health issues. As I say this is said out of love. Please tell the health professionals . They aren't going to take your children away from you. They are going to offer you help and at the very least better medication. You and your lovely family are worth so much more..
I am a child of a mother with undiagnosed MH issues. Growing up was very very hard. I have been in and out of counselling for much of my life. I am seeing an amazing counsellor at the moment I am sure that you would not wish the pain, which has been visited on me to be visited onto your babies.
Please don't think you can hide your health problems from your children. Children are very intelligent and perceptive. They will know something is wrong. If you don't do anything, they will in all likelihood pass this behaviour onto the next generation, your grandchildren.

Jannec - you are right my mum was depressed and suicidal, she drank and took sleeping pills. She did have "help" but it seemed to make things worse. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to hide these things and give my children a more normal childhood. I am not sure where the line is between getting help and letting it take over our lives.

Captain - I did see a mental health midwife in this pregnancy once who advised me to stay on my medication but since I was ok at that time I didn't have to see her again.

I have tried everything to feel better myself and I have tried the medication my gp has given me. She suggested upping tthe dose last week but I am nervous of that.

I'm so sorry for you. Please don't let your mums experience taint what you do for yourself and your children. I don't know how old your mum is but back in the day things were very different. Now people with mental health issues are more widely respected and accepted and symptoms are treated a lot more seriously. If the person/people didn't help your mum it could have been because they weren't the right person, they were not qualified, your mother didn't want to change or something else. The first person you seek help from is not necessarily the right person for you long term. And medication has advanced greatly in the past 20 years. In trying to get on with your lives isn't there always going to be an elephant in the room? Just because we can't see that there is something going on inside your body/brain that is making you feel this way, it doesn't mean that it isn't real. We can't see cancer either but that's also very real. We are all just a bunch of atoms at the end of the day reacting to each other in such a way to form a human. The mind/ body issue is a non debate as far as I'm concerned. You do not need to suffer in silence.

Thanks janecc- I do understand what you are saying . I was thinking if maybe writing a small list/note to show either the HV next week or the go the week after. Not really sure how to start such a list!

Just one step at a time. Glad to have made a difference to at least one person in this world. < hugs > I'm here if you need me x