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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Peak Happiness

15 replies

thewindmyonlyfriend · 08/04/2016 17:03

Not on glue but wondering if anyone else thinks this or if IBU...

I think I've reached peak happiness having had a happy childhood, relationship, lovely kids. Now DPs are getting older I feel constantly worried that they are about to die. My DM and DS are awaiting some test results which is adding to the anxiety but basically, I feel that I have reached peak happiness and it's probably down hill from here in terms of coping with illnesses/bereavements alongside all the other stuff life throws at you.

To add to this, I also worry that having nice new things happen is going to result in bad things happening like some sort of karma/ying and yang, to the point that I worry that having another child will result in someone in my family dying or blaming new car purchase on a worrying symptom in my dm.

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2016 18:04

I understand the impending fear that the next twenty years (aging parents, job insecurity etc) are going to be far less happy than the last twenty years (university, acquiring a wonderful husband, great life, friends etc). For example, a few missed calls from my Mum now holds a slight fear that didn't happen ten years ago.

So I just focus on smaller chunks of time. What are we doing this year, is everyone currently happy and healthy. I can't see any other way I'd cope.

I also get a faint feeling that my charmed life has to come to an end sometime. I can't be this lucky, this unchallenged, forever. But I don't go with karma or owt.

I would say that we lost my MIL a few years ago, which is obviously a challenge for everyone. But we've coped well and come through as such a tight family that I'm able to rationalise it a bit. That sounds dreadful and would never say that to my husband.

acasualobserver · 08/04/2016 18:05

Even though I can't claim to have achieved peak happiness, I do think of myself as a pretty contented person. Nevertheless, at 62, I do understand your 'the only way is down' feeling. It's hard not to feel a bit doomy about the prospect of old age and incapacity.

Original poster

thewindmyonlyfriend · 08/04/2016 18:27

I also get a faint feeling that my charmed life has to come to an end sometime. I can't be this lucky, this unchallenged, forever. This!

OP posts:

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 08/04/2016 20:10

I feel like this,it's sad and scary I have been so lucky in life so far so the only thing I can think of is that it'll be downhill from here.But I guess there will always be some Good my personal world as time goes on,and even if it seems hard to find sometimes I should still keep looking and be grateful for all I had.

lu9months · 08/04/2016 20:15

oddly, despite the fact that my husband has an incurable brain tumour, i am very happy. he is well at the moment , and although sometimes i feel devastated and unable to cope, mostly i am so happy that we have this time for ourselves and the children. i know the future will be terrible. so i live in the moment and i really feel at peace doing so

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 08/04/2016 20:17

Oh lu

Clare1971 · 08/04/2016 20:20

I also get a faint feeling that my charmed life has to come to an end sometime. I can't be this lucky, this unchallenged, forever. I remember feeling this - was convinced something had to go wrong soon. That was two years ago. We've had two really tough years since then which we seem to have survived so far and there is possibly light at the end of the tunnel. In my lighter moments I actually feel relieved as I feel I've paid my dues to dame fate and now stand the same chances as anyone else of being happy or not.

wannadancethenightaway · 08/04/2016 20:21

I feel like I could've written this thread. I sometimes look around me and wish it cups last forever. I have the best parents I could ever wish for...being on mumsnet makes me realise this is not something to be taken for granted. They're so awesome I actually love to spend time in their company. My MIL is actually ok! She's not my mum but she's a good woman and loves loves loves her grandchildren which is all I can ask for. My husband can be a dick but I love him and he adores our DS. My DS is healthy happy and caring little boy. My friends I've had since primary school and secondary school. I'm happy and I need to remember to enjoy this happiness and live in the present. Life is good! thanks for reminding me of that, OP!!

Haudyerwheesht · 08/04/2016 20:25

Hmm a little bit - I sometimes feel like because I have been pregnant twice and had two healthy babies I have pushed my luck and something is bound to go wrong.

That said, I lost a parent this week and it's awful but I don't see it as representative of a sad new part of my life. It's just sad right now but it'll become better - it's just the natural order of things.

daisiesinthespring · 08/04/2016 20:27

Sorry for your loss Haud

There is happiness on the other side of losing your parents.

MrHannahSnell · 08/04/2016 21:36

Thankd OP. So glad to know its not just me who has these feelings.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/04/2016 08:17

My dh has a serious illness, bipolar. I have had a lot of trouble with one of my ds. I lost my dearly beloved dad a few years back. We have has serious financial s etc backs due to dh not being able to work. And lots more l could mention. But lm happy. I think it's in your head and l wouldn't waste one minute thinking about it. You can react to a bad situation when it arises but meantime enjoy life every day. I actually find rising to challenges and seeing how l can manage in the middle of difficult times has made me even happier as it's not down to circumstances but is deep inside.

curren · 09/04/2016 09:25

For me. It's a better of perspective.

My mum said (a few weeks ago) that she feels so lucky to have had such a charmed life. She hasn't . It's being dogged by an abusive father, a enabler mother, mental health problems, loss etc. When I pointed this out she said to me 'but you are happy and look what you have been through'.

And she is right. My life hasn't been charmed. But I am happy. I have learnt to take joy from small things and from today.

I know my parents will die. But I don't worry about it too much. I used lay awake at night frozen with fear. I just concentrate on today. Today, my kids are healthy, my mum and dad are alive, dh is fit and healthy and so am I.

Overall my life has been bits of bliss, bits of hell. But overall I am happy and worrying about the what ifs were making me miserable and I wasn't enjoying the time I had.

I cried on holiday with my kids, dh and parents. Because I know that one day my parents won't be here and kids won't want to come with us. I felt like crap and decided I couldn't keep letting my worries ruin things. I could have wallowed in it. But then When they are gone I would regret not enjoying the time I have.

I don't want to have lost my parents and regret wasting the time I did have worrying about something I can't change.

curren · 09/04/2016 09:26

It's about perspective not better perspective

BillBrysonsBeard · 09/04/2016 10:46

I get what you mean but life is full of highs and lows isn't it. I lost my dad last year and it's been awful, but my DS makes me so happy, relationship is great etc.. So I'm happier in that respect than before dad died but sadder that I am without one of my parents. It's a constantly changing thing. Every day there are happy moments and feeling of contendedness, same as before.
Look at people who seem to have it all- money, marriage, kids, great job, big family etc and they too have unhappiness and sadness.
Losing a parent is a huge worry and is awful when it happens, but life isn't all downhill afterwards. Part of the healing process involves a new appreciation for being alive and seeing the positives, not sweating the small stuff, feeling stronger from what you've got through.. I look at the world through different eyes now but in a good way, like I see what it's really about now and what's important. There is happiness after loss. Most old people I know have a contentedness I don't see in young people.

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