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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave this night out early?

16 replies

WetLettuce123 · 08/04/2016 15:04

Tonight I have arranged to see two good friends after work. I met them both through work but we no longer work together and see each other probably only once every three months. One of the friends used to be my boss, and in my freelance industry could likely be my boss again, so some could argue meeting like this is 'networking' and there is an element of that but we are also good friends.

So myself and ex boss finish work at 6.30pm and work near each other and have arranged to meet at that time. My first issue is he refuses to go for dinner and only wants to drink. Every time we meet he drinks himself into a stupor and will want the evening to go on until the early hours. Whenever he gets a round in he buys shots as well. I suggested dinner this evening first and he said 'eating's cheating' (he's nearly 40) and just wants to drink. I don't want to drink too much as have a busy day tomorrow and don't want it to be a write off.

The second issue is the other friend is an actor and cannot meet us until 11pm. So I can't even slop off at 10pm like I would like to and leave them to it. Even when the other friend arrives at 11pm I can't realistically leave straight away as I haven't seem him ages.

Even though I really want to see them both ideally I would like to meet for a few hours and disappear at 10pm but don't see how that can happen. Am I just being boring and should I go along with it all as it's not often we meet up, and if I don't go along with it then there's no point meeting them anyway as that's all they want to do?

I know people will say 'just do what you want and leave' but would you really leave a friend alone with another coming at 11pm, and also please bear in mind the 'networking' part of this. Thanks all.

OP posts:
TiffanyAtBreakfast · 08/04/2016 15:20

Is there no way you could meet ex-boss later, at say 8.30/9pm? That way you could eat at home first, solving the food problem, and then you're only stuck with drunky ex boss for an hour or two before the other colleague arrives?

wasonthelist · 08/04/2016 15:25

I used to meet up with folks like this later on so I could get something to eat. The advantage is that in a larger group they forget you weren't there at the start.

diddl · 08/04/2016 15:28

I would cancel!

The actor can't meet you at a convenient time & the other sounds a bore.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/04/2016 15:30

I'd meet them later - 9pm, for example, then two hours with the ex-boss and your other friend will have arrived;.

I wouldn't go at 6:30 and leave at 10 because you'll miss the other friend and presumably boss will go home if he's left on his own. That's not really networking, either.

Do you always feel like this before a meet-up or are you just not feeling it tonight? If this is a regular feeling, I'd start to network with other people. Networking is good, and pretty necessary, but you shouldn't dread it enough to be already planning your escape!

thecitydoc · 08/04/2016 15:36

I'd stop meeting them both - to much hassel

diddl · 08/04/2016 15:38

Oh & if you do go, you don't have to drink the shots that he buys, or drink more than you want to, so no need for tomorrow to be written off.

Roseberrry · 08/04/2016 15:38

Id just say well I need something to eat so I will meet you at 9. No questions.

HoggleHoggle · 08/04/2016 15:47

Good god that sounds like hell on wheels.

I agree with pp that the only way round this, given the networking angle and that you can't leave early, is to postpone meeting with first friend so you can have something to eat and pace yourself. Can you invent a reason as to why you can't meet until later?

I strongly dislike people who force drink on others - not letting you eat and buying shots alongside another drink is bullying and would piss me right off.

ihatethecold · 08/04/2016 15:48

not a chance in hell i would do this.

Do you actually want to go? if not just cancel. Life is too short to be a people pleaser.

whois · 08/04/2016 15:48

Yeah just be a bit more assertive.

"Well I need to eat or I'll be on the floor by 9pm! Would you like to come with me to [name of restirant] and have a drink and a catch up whilst I get food, or shall I just meet you later at 9pm after I've had dinner?"

Original poster
WetLettuce123 · 08/04/2016 16:34

Thanks all have taken the advice and postponed until later. Feels much better knowing it will be a few hours and not a doc hour drinking marathon!

OP posts:
Divathecat · 08/04/2016 16:49

Eat at your desk before you leave the office, then meet your friend at 6:30 have some drinks with him, decline shots and you will get a second wind, then arrange to get a train home that allows you still have 8 hours sleep. have rehydration sachet in water going to bed tonight.

SaucyJack · 08/04/2016 16:56

Does he genuinely not want to eat, or is it the implied intimacy of "going for dinner" that he's avoiding?

Just wondering if you could order a pub meal in the place you'd be drinking in anyway?

Original poster
WetLettuce123 · 08/04/2016 17:25

He never eats much because he's to yo dieted and likes to "save the calories" for alcohol.

OP posts:
diddl · 09/04/2016 17:16

How did it go, OP?

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 14:32

Well the actor never turned up he cancelled during the evening so that made it all a bit better. I told my friend (ex boss) I had a full on day on Saturday and had to leave by 11ish. He drank loads, I felt compelled to drink far too much, but I stuck to my guns and left at 11 despite loads of protestations to the contrary! Overall it was fine and my panicking beforehand not really necessary Blush

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