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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect her to pay the full amount?

252 replies

ameliarose78 · 08/04/2016 09:08

About a year ago I met Z through a dog club, we have the same type of dog and we met up a few times.

Z has a mental illness and as such doesn't work and relies on a pension, her DP works full time - no DC.

She put a post on FB asking if anyone could mind her dog for 2 weeks while her and dp went on holiday - I said I could, she offered to pay me but I said there was no need.

During said dog's stay at my house, she jumped onto my bedside draws from my bed and ate a piece of dark chocolate. As she is a very small dog this was a toxic level and I had to bring her to the vet for emergency treatment - total bill was 300 quid.

I asked her owner to pay me back for this. This was roughly 6 weeks ago and as yet I haven't seen any money - just saying how hard it is for them, how they can't afford it and promising to have paid it numerous times and have had it 'bounce back'.

So AIBU to ask her to pay the full sum and should I go round to her house and ask her for it?

OP posts:
Original poster
ameliarose78 · 08/04/2016 09:22

Thanks for replies - placed the chocolate down on the draws and left the room for a minute to bring in my coffee - the dog did it as soon as I'd left the room. I wasn't expecting it as my dog doesn't steal food - not blaming the dog but just wouldn't have expected it as my dog wouldn't do that.

Well I'm quite glad to know everyone thinks I'm BU because clearly I'm not going to be reimbursed so I can sort of accept it and move on now... Just divorced this year and owe XP $8000 for his share of things so very sensitive about money atm and feel broke

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/04/2016 09:22

Hmm... I'm a bit torn here.

On the one hand, it was your responsibility, and the accident happened on your watch. It was entirely avoidable, too. If you'd been watching her house and smashed something closing the curtains, it would seem unreasonable to not offer to pay to replace it?

On the other, it's her dog and the dog should be insured, so the insurance would cover the bulk of the £300. There will probably be an excess of £50/£100, but maybe you could split that?

I'm guessing that they either don't think they should pay but can't bring themselves to discuss this with you, or they actually don't have the funds, and therefore can't pay you - and in that case, there's not much that you can do, other than make it clear that you need it back and asking frequently. Your friendship probably won't survive, though.

Was the £300 for having tests/observation in the vets? It seems low if the toxicity was already taking place, and required surgery. If it was obs, it's possible that they think they'd have bought the dog home to observe, and reduced costs, although that's not ideal.

I think you'd have been better off explaining to the vet that it's not your dog, and asking them to chase Z for the cost.

NewtoCornland · 08/04/2016 09:23

Sorry but you are BVU to expect friend to pay anything for the vet's bill, the dog was in your care and was made unwell by your lack of vigilance.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 08/04/2016 09:24

Surely this has to be some sort of weird reverse! No ones this daft surely?!

KoalaDownUnder · 08/04/2016 09:25

waves

I don't think you're being U, OP! Wink

Claraoswald36 · 08/04/2016 09:25

IT was your fault!!!

Kaddy · 08/04/2016 09:28

This is the perfect MN dilemma. It has mental health issues, dogs, chocolate and a tricky moral dilemma. Confused. I'm sure it will divide people's opinion.

OP - out of interest do you think YABU?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/04/2016 09:31

Thanks for replies - placed the chocolate down on the draws and left the room for a minute to bring in my coffee - the dog did it as soon as I'd left the room. I wasn't expecting it as my dog doesn't steal food - not blaming the dog but just wouldn't have expected it as my dog wouldn't do that

When I was a kid I had a dog that was incredibly placid and wouldn't bark or snap ever, does this mean it's ok for me to expect all dogs to be like that, then not be expected to take responsibility when I poke an angry pit bull with a stick?

It was an animal in a different setting to usual without its owner and you left chocolet around.

BoopTheSnoot · 08/04/2016 09:32

She left the dog in your care, the dog came to harm when you should have been watching it. Your responsibility. YABU. You made the mistake, you pay for it.
If the dog had become spontaneously ill, or had a pre-existing condition flare up while in your care, it would be different.
But in this instance, your carelessness warranted the cost.

Abecedario · 08/04/2016 09:32

I'm torn too, if it was my dog I'd pay you back because you were kind enough to look after him for free and because I'd think well it was my dog stealing food so therefore my responsibility.

If I'd been the one in your shoes though, id have felt responsible and offered to pay.

So maybe offer a 50/50 split?

My dog doesn't have insurance, there's so much wrong with him he's pretty uninsurable- generally fit and healthy and loves life but he has epilepsy, gets dermatitis regularly, is of a breed that is prone to many other issues. They're all pre existing conditions according to insurers, so even if I did pay for insurance he wouldn't be covered for most things. I just try to save some money dedicated for his inevitable vet bills.

bakeoffcake · 08/04/2016 09:33
Confused

The OP was doing her fiend a favour!! She has already saved the woman hundreds of Pounds in kennel fees, if she wanted professional care for her dog she should have paid for it.

She should pay the vets bill. Hope she does so soon.

bakeoffcake · 08/04/2016 09:34

And not insuring your dog isn't irresponsible if you have enough money to pay vets bills. Insurance is usually a rip off.

NewtoCornland · 08/04/2016 09:37

Tbh, looking at kaddy post and agreeing I'm failing to see the relevance of Z's mental health?

OP ask yourself this....You're driving up to a junction, Z has stopped at the junction despite it being clear. You can see it's clear and safe to go so continue driving and end up in Z's boot. Do you expect Z to pay your repair bill, based on the fact she should have moved? Or expect her to claim on her insurance, despite the fact the incident was clearly your fault?

Divorce and being skint are hard but please just own your mistake and don't project your stress onto your friend.

44PumpLane · 08/04/2016 09:38

I think that if the dog had fallen on a walk and broken it's leg, or stuck it's face in a wasps nest then you should expect to be reimbursed.

Given the treatment was required because you left the chocolate out then I do think that you shouldn't necessarily expect to be paid back.

It's an awful situation either way, I'm sure you feel wretched about it (I certainly would as id be so worried about the poor dog).

If it were me I wouldn't expect to be reimbursed, but conversely if I was the dog owner I would insist on reimbursing you as stuff does happen and you were kindly looking after my pooch- at the very least I'd pay you "board" cost for the dog and maybe you would pay the rest (but I guess it's easy to say that when you can afford it)

NeedACleverNN · 08/04/2016 09:38

The OP was doing her fiend a favour!! She has already saved the woman hundreds of Pounds in kennel fees, if she wanted professional care for her dog she should have paid for it.

If she was my friend I would be pretty cross that my dogs life was in danger. Yes she did me a favour and saved me money but it was negligent not to move things that were toxic out of reach.

I wouldn't expect top professional care but I would want the basics covered at least.

If the OP left the front door open because her dog never legged it and the little one did and he got killed by a car would people say she was right because she was doing her friend a favour?

KoalaDownUnder · 08/04/2016 09:40

Well, no, bakeoff, it isn't. I agree with you there.

However, the owner in this situation apparently doesn't have the money.

It's not irresponsible as long as you're prepared to spend thousands of pounds if your pet needs treatment.

(Or, of course, if it's uninsurable.)

KoalaDownUnder · 08/04/2016 09:41

New, doing someone a favour isn't analogous to driving a car. Hmm

SaucyJack · 08/04/2016 09:46

A better analogy would be if you'd think the OP was (not) to blame had she been babysitting a toddler for a friend, and left tablets out which the child had swallowed because her own child was not the type to do it.

diddl · 08/04/2016 09:46

"You let the dog go upstairs and therefore have access to the chocolate."

Maybe the Op lives in a flat or bungalow?

I do think that it's totally the OPs responsibility & if she wasn't short of money atm probably wouldn't dream of asking.

Then again, perhaps she shouldn't have agreed to look after the dog for nothing?

chillycurtains · 08/04/2016 09:48

Unfortunately it was your fault. Tbh you could have forseen some costs in the way of damage to your property, vets bills, food, etc and you should have accepted the payment in the first place when she offered. I don't think you can chase her for this particular payment as an experienced dog owner you should have realise that chocolate should have been stored in a more secure way than on a bedside table. Responsibility lies fully with you and I would actually have been really upset with your care if it was my dog. Sorry OP.

ricketytickety · 08/04/2016 09:48

Well, if I was your friend I would pay the vet bill. I also wouldn't have accepted you not taking any monies and popped some in an envelope and left it in the dog bag. That's just the right thing to do between friends who do each other favours. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

However, she might have money problems she hasn't told you about and simply can't do it at the moment - she might be embarassed.

bakeoffcake · 08/04/2016 09:49

Well if she doesn't pay the vets bill she'll find it extremely hard to find anyone else to look after her dog for free for two weeks.

I really can't believe some of the responses on here.

alltouchedout · 08/04/2016 09:53

Your friend should pay half at least.
If it was my dog and I'd had free care for two weeks I'd pay the full amount.
Also your friend needs insurance.

Dunkling · 08/04/2016 09:56

I think this bill is your responsibility. This was not an unforeseen accident or circumstance. You had a dog AND chocolate AND open access to this chocolate. By having the door open or the dog in the room, you were irresponsible.

JessieMcJessie · 08/04/2016 09:57

The dog was on your bed in the first place, from where it jumped on to the drawers. That's gross.

Don't forget to charge her for the cost of the replacement chocolate when you send the bill.

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