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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grrrr no dinner

57 replies

inlovewithhubby · 06/04/2016 18:10

I've been away with the kids at my folks for a few days. Hubby has been home alone, admittedly working and had a big work day today but had most of a weekend day to himself plus evenings out having beers while we've been gone, which I encourage. However, I back this afternoon to no food, no bread for kids packed lunches (they have an activity day tomorrow which to be fair he wouldn't know about) and nothing planned for dinner for us. We aren't an 'open the fridge and see what's there' family. I plan nice dinners every evening (I work far fewer hours than him so I see that as my job), often different meals from kids primarily because he's a fussy bastard (i say that with love) . Aibu to expect that he'd at least have planned dinner for the evening we come home?

Sitting in supermarket car park seething (I do not say this with love). Am also on period so could well be being unreasonable but I don't think i am?

He hates chicken. Might buy chicken.

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 06/04/2016 19:13

I don't understand why this is an issue either - wouldn't you have a chat about it before you got back?

witsender · 06/04/2016 19:14

It isn't being a mind reader to know that people need to eat...what was he planning on eating?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 06/04/2016 19:17

But he's at work still? Maybe he thought as OP had been away she'd get something on the way back? Maybe now thinking that she's lazy and selfish!

CodyKing · 06/04/2016 19:17

Come off it - you'd have expected the sodding basics would you?

He was thoughtless - it would have been nice to be surprised by dinner ready and waiting for his families return - maybe he should have called OP - don't worry about dinner - all sorted!!! Can't wait to see you all-

Same as you would have

witsender · 06/04/2016 19:21

All these apologists for him...what was he planning on eating? Assuming he was planning on eating at some point?

Spandexpants007 · 06/04/2016 19:21

I would have expected the basics plus a single meal

NerrSnerr · 06/04/2016 19:22

It was thoughtless that there isn't bread in but is there nothing at all in the house for tea? Pasta and tomato sauce, fish fingers and chips, eggs etc?

SoupDragon · 06/04/2016 19:24

You got back this afternoon whilst he had a big work day

You would have had to go out to buy packed lunch supplies which your DH had no idea you needed.

Mountain out of a molehill.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2016 19:25

it would have been nice to be surprised by dinner ready and waiting for his families return

Presumably organised some time during his "big work day"

FillingMakesMeVom · 06/04/2016 19:25

Witsender as I said maybe as it was around 6:30 when OP posted maybe he assumed that the kids and perhaps OP were eating on the way back and so he already ate, or maybe the kids had already ate and that they'd get a take away later, or that OP would pick something up on the way back if he's really been working long hours it that's the usual arrangement. Without communication misunderstandings can be made

ScoutsMam · 06/04/2016 19:25

All these wonderful men that are mind readers to. Shame i've not met any of them so far.

Maybe go out a bit more? Family needing a bit of dinner after a long journey isn't really up there with this week's lottery numbers.

OP, I'd probably josh him for expecting me to sort it and then enjoy my lovely meal out or takeaway. YANBU.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/04/2016 19:26

Being on your period shouldn't make a difference to how you feel, don't make that an excuse for being, quite rightly. pissed off and annoyed.

He should have given thought to you and the dc's getting home and wanting some tea.

Original poster

inlovewithhubby · 06/04/2016 19:28

We communicate a lot actually and usually pretty well. We spoke late afternoon to say hi and confirm we were back around the same time and had a quick chat about our days. We didn't discuss food but it wasn't on my radar then - I would assume the person at home (and free of all the usual child related encumbrances) would have planned for our return with at least the basics. I left him with basics and makings of meals - not because he's a bloke but because I look out for him and want to make his life as easy as poss. It just grates me that it doesn't come naturally back, that's all.

The staples were bare - milk bread etc - but we do have random bits in freezer. Stuff I bulk cook for kids, not stuff we'd usually eat for dinner. The issue is not that we will all starve - i took some pasta sauce out of the freezer for the kids and sorted them out - it's just the lack of thought. Piddly issue in the grand scheme of things admittedly, but it did make me sad as it felt like he just hadn't thought about us. However I have a curry on the way so things are looking up.

OP posts:

FillingMakesMeVom · 06/04/2016 19:31

And also in the OP I can't see her saying its a long journey perhaps it's like half hour away and without communication he may have assumed she would be home earlier. This is all conjuncture but so is saying he's a selfish lazy bastard

Crispbutty · 06/04/2016 19:32

"We didn't discuss food but it wasn't on my radar then" no his it would seem.. so thats six of one and half a dozen of the other..

WeAllHaveWings · 06/04/2016 19:34

If you take on the sole responsibility for all food shopping and meal planning and he has never had to get involved before I think YABabitU to expect him to suddenly have that on his radar.

IthinkIamsinking · 06/04/2016 19:36

But if you are the one always sorts the food/meals OP why would your DH think today to be any different? You even left him staples to make meals while you were away. It wouldn't really have registered in his thought process to make a meal for you all. If he was responsible for meals in your home he would have sorted it. You said yourself he had a big work day today.
Storm in a tea cup really.

Original poster

inlovewithhubby · 06/04/2016 19:47

We were 4 hours away, public transport, short connection times. Small female, big bag, two kids, busy line. Not the nicest journey, which hubby knows. Were he doing the same, i think I'd have bumped off the pub the night before and headed to sainsburys.

OP posts:

bakingaddict · 06/04/2016 19:48

I do all the shopping, meal planning and cooking but if I've been away to see my parents with the kids my DH makes an effort when we come home by cooking a special dinner. He would normally make sure to do an online shop so we have stuff for next day's lunches etc. I don't think of this as exceptional behaviour just that of a considerate adult who shares a home and life with other people

PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/04/2016 19:50

Talk about making a mountain out of a non existent molehill. It's not as though you got back in the wee hours and found that he has stripped the cupboards bare and defrosted the freezer. You got back mid afternoon (whilst he was at work) and found a freezer full of perfectly decent food.

bakingaddict · 06/04/2016 19:52

Ilove I know what it's like to travel with small kids and baggage the idea to stop off for dinner on the way home is the furthest thing on your mind. If I came home at that time to nothing planned for the kid's dinner I'd be fucked off too

araiba · 06/04/2016 19:55

so there was food in the freezer?

stuff that you normally have?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 06/04/2016 19:57

Some of the reactions on this thread seem OTT.

I guess for some, a small thing cannot ever be just a small thing. It has to be indicative of simmering utter bastardness.

To others, it's just a small thing. Good people can fuck up sometimes.

Original poster

inlovewithhubby · 06/04/2016 20:03

Thanks everyone. Glad I'm not alone in my fuckedoffness.

Anka, I guess it's about expectation. If my hubby came home after work and expected eggs/beans/freezer food, I'd be less pissed off about not being able to even have a cup of tea or make the kids some toast after a 4 hour crappy journey with two tired hungry kids. But we are proper foodies, we cook all the time because we love eating for pleasure, not just fuel. If I ever made him eggs on toast for tea, he'd be very . Same for me. And it wasn't like he thought there was stuff in the freezer - he had no idea what was in there - he simply hadn't thought, which is my whole beef.

OP posts:

Original poster

inlovewithhubby · 06/04/2016 20:04

Firstwetake - you are so right. Good people can fuck up and this is what has happened here. He's a good person. He's just been selfish today in my view and I wanted to whinge about it so i don't spend the evening whinging at him.

OP posts:

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