Not to believe the 'Mums know best' line

[AJ279]

Sat in GP waiting room this morning and overheard a conversation where a lady was saying to another "don't let them fob you off, mums know best!".

Don't get me wrong I'm all for mothers instinct. But I've seen people weaning at 14 weeks, controlled crying to an awful extent, not sterilising bottles all using the 'mums know best' line.

Is it just me that thinks this is bollocks?! There are medical professionals dedicating years to research and guidelines- could they have just issues a one page document saying 'do what you want'?

I just think it's such a dangerous motto!

There are certain things that mum knows best such as what is typical behaviour so they know when something is wrong with their child but no they don't always know best.

I see that phrase from a different angle. I think I do know best and there have been several occasions where DH or MIL have gone into panic mode and sought medical attention/pressured me into seeking it when actually I knew it was all fine and under control. I knew what the Dr would say and have been right every single time it's happened. I think I'll be quoting this phrase from now on!

Sorry that post sounded quite arrogant. I didn't mean it to. I mean I know better than a panic stricken DH or MIL not better than the Dr.

It's a hit and miss situation with this phrasing.

I knew something was wrong with ds. The constant screaming just wasn't right.

It wasn't me knowing best. I honestly didn't know what was wrong and was at my wits end. It was his behaviour compared to other babies. My persistence paid off and he was diagnosed with cmpa.

This you could say mum knew best.

However I have seen people use with when it comes to sleep training and weaning.

Weaning a baby at 16 weeks cos it didn't do me any harm. Usually replied with yes mummy knows best!

In that case no mum does not know best.

I think when the mother is calm the doctor is usually less worried, for sure. However, I'll bet nearly every parent on the planet has had a time when they dismissed the tenth 'fever' or 'stomach ache' that fortnight as schoolitis and packed the child off, only to have them vomit all over the teacher or come out in a massive rash by lunchtime.

Most GPs are pretty careful around feverish children - I worked for a GP once who would get me to ring parents of hot babies he'd seen and just check whether anything had changed - 'if so just put them through to me any time' - the nonverbal patient is scary.

What is true is that if a GP spent even 24 hours observing a patient as closely as most parents observe their very young children, they would also know best IYSWIM. That close observational data is gold.

I think in general parents are good at knowing when something isn't right even if they don't know what.

However the "mums know best" doesn't work when it's things like the mum I know who's daughter has severe excema but refuses to use steroid creams whilst complaining doctors do nothing!

My dr was wrong about something (ie I was right) which was quite serious. My dr is fabulous though and has frequently asked my instincts on things. Although mostly I say i have no idea what do you think to him as I know my limits.

Most of the mothers I know have good instincts plus on top of that know their child have been there through every illness every problem every eating argument every everything and so chances are they do know a great deal even if they don't always have the medical answers.

The majority are not the wean at 14 weeks variety!

I think put it into context it is right... mums do usually know there children better than anyone else...When something isn't fitting.. I have known when my DS is not himself ..When he was ill... I might not know what is wrong that is why I go to a gp..

Now older.. I didn't know my DS was been bullied but I knew something was wrong ( despite him not saying a word age 7.) I went to parents evening ; got good report .. I cried when I came home because I was still at a loss... 2 days later he told me he was been bullied..

I have always felt something wasn't sitting right at school, it has took till year 4 to get a diagnosis. He is now doing much better at school with the additional support he needed...

So yes I do trust my instinct ..That doesn't mean I don't read research, or follow the latest advise.. It means I read and apply what is appropriate for my child.

There are people who use it to avoid doing what is best for there child.. We do know things we didn't know.. On a recent trip to Cadburys world I discovered that Chocolate was medically endorsed at one time.. Not all advise is correct..

Mums know best - Hahahhahah
my mum knows absolutely nothing about parenting or even any life issue that requires common sense, I had a relative comment at my 18th birthday party that they were worried that us kids wouldn't make it to adulthood as my parents were clueless.
My mum is convinced my RA can be 'cured' by not eating tomatoes, potatoes, citrus or drinking alcohol - thankfully I tend to pay attention to my rheumatologist and have a fab actual treatment regime that helps my health and mobility rather than just makes me miserable. BTW there is no 'cure' for RA.

honkinghaddock Wed 06-Apr-16 13:03:20

"Doctors may be expert in their particular area but they are not expert in a particular disability unless it is their field."

This. Not all doctors are equal- and all mums are certainly not equal: some are better educated, some are perfectly capable of reading and understanding medical journals, some have (sadly) had occasion to learn far more than the doctor about a certain condition.

My dc have a reasonably common genetic disorder which is clearly visible for anyone who knows where to look. Took years for the doctors to diagnose. Once it was diagnosed I read up on the available medical literature- but I rarely came across a doctor who had. Some had never heard of it and some had some strange ideas about it. I still remember the paediatric consultant who rang me up late one evening to apologise for having refused to accept that it could be causing dd so much pain; she had just been to a conference and listened to one of the experts in the field. I thanked her for her trouble and refrained from pointing out that I had read what the expert in question had written on the subject and that it was all there in print.

I know what's best for my baby because I obviously care about her more than anyone else and have therefore spent the last 15 months bonding and getting to know her intimately and therefore I can honestly say I know what's best for her at any given time.

Sometimes I know she might need medical attention beyond my skill set, she may need a diagnosis that I'm not qualified to give. Just because I haven't trained as a doctor doesn't mean I don't know when she needs one!

Someone on here said 'mothers instinct is bollocks' I can't agree with that one. I'm definitely in tune with my instinct and react to my baby accordingly. There's so many methods out there for dealing with babies and toddlers that I'd never get anywhere without a bit of intuition! I do what I feel is right every time!

Taking your child to A&E because he fell 6 inches and banged his head which is coming out like an egg, he didn't lose consciousness and is happily running around the waiting room peeing off the actual sick people isn't 'mum knowing best'.
Yeah I did this when ds4 hit his head , you can fuck right off. Like the doctors at a&e said it's much better to be checked out when they've hit their head and it's swelling up like a bloody egg

I took my dd to the MIU when she bumped her head. Even though she was happy and was running around, I took her cos it was bleeding pretty bad. Nurse said she didn't need stitches and it should be ok but it was better to be checked then left. Head injuries are a fine line between ok and danger

Just clarify that imo mothers instinct and 'mums know best' are completely different.

Mothers instinct is knowing there is an issue and pushing for an answer/just 'knowing' something others wouldn't.

The context I meant this in was the people who as others have said disregard guidelines and advice based on 'mums know best' or 'never did me any harm'

I love and care a great deal for my DD also but would never say 'I know best' for everything, because I most certainly don't!

Fair enough op but in your original post you were talking about a doctors waiting room and the example was not to be fobbed off this time..the mum probably just wanted answers

I think it can be the right thing to go against the advice of a professional if you know you know more about it than they do (eg in matters of sn education). This tends to be advice from one or a few professionals rather than than widespread advice.

That was just what got me thinking about the phrase. I've been that mum and have pushed for second and third opinions when my instinct has told me somethings wrong.

As said in the OP it was more aimed at people who go against general guidelines under the phrase.

Does look like I'm saying that though- I definitely wasn't!

AJ279, I see what you are getting at and of course you are often right

At the same time, I don't think it would do the professionals any harm to remember that mothers are people with lives outside of motherhood:
sometimes they may actually have expertise that trumps that of a specific doctor, some mothers may be doctors, some mothers may have written the guidelines, some mothers may at least have read the medical papers the doctor never got round to reading.

(still slightly disgruntled at the HT trying to tell me how SN support is not available at university level: I work in HE and deal with those situations every day as he knew perfectly well; he just couldn't get out of the mindset that a mother is a poor uneducated creature who can't possibly know anything outside of the world of motherhood)

As for guidelines, it is sometimes not that straightforward: not an expert but I understand some of the thinking that underlies the change of the recommended weaning age and am also aware that the same recommendations are not made in all North European countries (in Scandinavia they still say 4-6 months rather than 6 months), so I might exercise my judgment on that one were my dc still young enough.