About getting an older toddler dressed?

[Bejeena]

So our little boy will be 3 in July and is now toilet trained during the day so we have replaced his changing table for a chest of drawers which is in the same spot in his bedroom and we now store his clothes in there instead of in the drawers of the changing station.

(One point that might be slightly relevant to this is that I am due to have our second baby any day now so we moved the changing station into our room to use for baby and store baby clothes etc in)

This morning I saw my husband dressing/helping to dress our son on top of the chest of drawers. I am not happy with this because it is a piece of furniture, it is hard enough stopping him from climbing on furniture as it is and I don't want him to think it is OK to stand on furniture. He is no longer a baby.

When I told my husband my problem with it he thought I was being ridiculous, told me he would dress him however he pleased and that he couldn't bend to help him do it on the floor. I seem to be able to manage to do it and I am heavily pregnant.

I do encourage him to dress himself wherever possible but he still needs help and everyone with a 2.5 year-old knows it doesn't always work that way when you have to leave the house at certain time to get to nursery and then on to work (my husband takes him in the mornings, always a rush)

I am not sure if I am unreasonable about this or not. I would just rather not encourage him to stand on furniture.

Toddlers need no extra encouragement to climb on things so YANBU. However sounds like the sort of thing I'd do without thinking.

Does you husband usually respond in this manner when you express your opinion?

In your toddler's mind there is no difference between a chest of drawers and a changing table. It is a piece of furniture that is used for dressing - you wouldn't sleep on a wardrobe but I bet you still use a bed for it

I don't think yabu at all. Could he not have dressed him on his bed if he can't bend to the floor? Much safer and won't encourage him to climb the furniture. ( l do this, can't bend down easily because of a bad back so get my DS who's 2.5 dressed on his bed)

The toddler will see no difference between this drawers and the changing table. I can't bend over so I even use the kitchen surfaces.

YANBU, but I can see where DH is coming from. Can you reach a compromise? Is there a chair or something he could sit on to help dress him? I would have thought he'd be able to do the vast majority or dressing himself with DH just sitting on the floor assisting

Well his bed is almost to the floor anyway so not sure that would make a difference. A chair might work but don't think husband would go for it, he wouldn't see the point.

My husband is a but pig headed when it comes to things like this so he will carry on using the drawers regardless. I was just wondering if I am stressing about something not important enough.

As for dressing himself, well in an ideal world he could but in the reality of a need to get out of the house and a toddlers desire to mess around and play with no concept of time he needs it doing for him.

YANBU

Things I use to help. My bed, sitting on my knee on a chair, beside me on the settee, me sitting on the bottom step of the stairs so I can provide balance to help standing DD, sitting on the floor.

Never used a changing table as mine are all too wriggly for safety.

I think you might find this is not an issue once baby arrives as mine would object strongly to lying down to dress where dirty nappies are changed.

YABU your toddler should be able to understand that sitting on a chest of drawers to be dressed doesn't mean he can climb on it at other time. You are also BU to expect your 'older' toddler (3 is barely toddler age) to be able to dress himself. My DS is 5 and doesn't and you know what it's fine.

Of course Yanbu. No three year old needs to see a chest of drawers as a legitimate thing to climb on for the most obvious of safety reasons.

Why can't your dismissive-sounding husband dress your child other than on top of a chest of drawers? My son turned four last week, and gets dressed on our bed or standing on the floor, with some help and supervision (and the occasional threat of being left at home if he doesn't put his socks on..).

I dress my toddler on top of a chest of drawers. We never had a changing unit, I just used the drawers the whole time. I think as long as DH isn't getting your toddler to climb up there himself then he will probably understand the difference. So overall I think YABU.

YANBU. Bed or sofa if he must stand him on something but chests of draws aren't supposed to be stood on.
He should be able to at least partly dress/undress himself soon too which will help.

Surely the top of a chest of drawers in a kid's bedroom is an ideal place to store toys? A big castle or, better still, lots of little things that would be a huge faff to take down and put back? Problem solved.

Sil still placed her ds on my kitchen worktop to put his shoes on when he was almost 4. She has no pain issues. I always kept my mouth shut for fear of a tirade of abuse. She's just lucky he was a placid child and not a climber. I have fibromyalgia with the most pain in my back/shoulders. I can't bend easily and I used to sit on the bed/sofa to dress DD. I never put her up high to suit me. Yanbu. My pain was so bad for the first few months after giving birth that if I did drop something, it stayed on the floor til DH came home and picked it up. Perhaps you could suggest strategies for DH. Like sitting on the sofa with ds.

While we still had solid wood drawers and mine were a similar age, we did that too, stood them on the top of the drawers. They would put one hand or sometimes two on our shoulders to support themselves while lifting legs to get their pants and trousers and socks on.

We never had any issues with them climbing (2 boys if that is relevant). When they were about 4ish the drawers (which I'd had since I was a teenager) went to be recycled and they had plastic chests for a while so we stopped as obviously they would not support their weight and they were dressing themselves apart from the odd help with tricky fastenings.

Yanbu, i wouldn't like this, it could give him ideas about climbing on them, maybe I am over cautious about this because a child local to me was crushed by a chest of drawers he was climbing on.

I had two manic climbers. I dressed both at times on top of the chest of drawers and they never climbed up there on their own. Just climbed up things I'd never even have thought to ban as they were clearly not for climbing.

Show him this OP
www.itv.com/news/2015-07-23/ikea-issue-safety-alert-after-two-children-killed-by-falling-drawers/
Ask him to make sure that the chest of drawers is firmly fixed to the wall...

And whats with the 'is he always like this?' post

To see if his behaviour is indicative of a bigger problem.

OP says he is pig headed

Does you husband usually respond in this manner when you express your opinion

Bit of a shoehorning in there