I'm in a right quandry over this one. About 4 years ago I had a major problem with my work, and through being victimised for some thing that was completely not my fault I ended up with my hours being cut by half. I'm classed as self employed so couldn't do anything about it. The next day the new Bangladeshi guy at work, who I'd only chatted to a couple of times came to me and said I was to start work that evening delivering Indian takeaways. I was quite taken aback, but since I was desperate I gave it a go. It turned out to be great, and it really dug me out of a hole financially. I have since recovered some work from the original workplace but I carry on doing 2 nights a week at the indian.
This means that I have been working with my Bangladeshi friend in 2 environments, and we've got to know each other quite well. We get on well, but I am aware that he always seems to be in some kind of trouble (minor) and also I've pulled him up on some things he's said which seem inappropriate in our culture. He never appeared to respect women and seemed judgemental of overweight people. I pulled him up each time, but he just laughed it off, and I was always confused since I am both female and overweight.
Then I didn't see him for ages. He left the indian over some controversy, and he changed to a later shift at our other work. I heard on the grapevine he was really struggling, and mindful of when he'd helped me I sought him out to try to help. When I spoke to him he confided that his problems were rooted in his immigration status. This didn't surprise me, I'd always suspected things were a bit dodgy, but I'd never asked. He then proceed to start pissing me off by bringing up things from my (long distant) past, trying to compare the situation (which was in no way comparable). We've both had problems with authorities dragging their feet, so was trying to understand what it must be like to have the immigration over you for 12 years, and I mentioned my battle with housing and care packages for 5 years. He said that I should stop blaming men, men always get blamed and should take responsibility for my own problems. At no point did I ever try to blame men.
Then, the kicker. He said yeah that's like *** (his fiancee in Bangladesh), she phoned me up crying, expecting me to have sympathy because she'd been raped. But what the hell did she expect? She went to his house, that's what will happen. Hereby followed a very heated convo as to our differing views on rape. I am furious!!! He is a rape apologist! And he was IN MY CAR when he said this. How dare he? He's implied it would be my fault if he had raped me in that situation.
I am furious enough to want to phone immigration and report him working which he's not supposed to be doing. but that's unreasonable when my anger is over something completely separate right?