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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

whilst walking in a rough area...

50 replies

SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 21:05

I didn't know where to put this really but I figured this may be the best place.

I'm recently trying to up my fitness level and loose a lot of weight so I am walking a lot more. Over the last 2 days I've gone on two walks and done around 10 miles.

That may not be much to you but for me it is a lot so please be nice about that.

But where I walk, twice over two days I've felt intimidated by some people who walk down the same route. (It's like a walking path that cuts through most of my city)

Would I be unreasonable to carry some sort of something to ensure that if I was attacked, I could try and defend myself and my 3 year old girl?.

And I'm not meaning a knife or anything, I just mean something heavy I could give them a smack with.

I always have the dog with me but he neither is, nor does he look anything other than the little softie he is!

I don't want to stop these walks as they are doing my daughter, myself and our dog the world of good.

OP posts:
SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 21:41

Saucy Don't worry. It was crap and still affects me in some ways (like this) now but unfortunately it happened, and I've moved on (mostly!) Wine

OP posts:
FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 05/04/2016 21:42

I do bank work in the community on an evening and in the winter it can be pretty scary looking for the houses in some of the more frightening less desirable areas of the city. So I definitely second a panic alarm and carrying your keys and hold by the rule of you don't look for trouble, it won't look for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience as a child OP, and think it's really very very terrific you're going so far with your walking now, bet your little girl loves it, especially the ride in the buggy when she's tired! Thanks for you and a Chocolate for her Halo

omri · 05/04/2016 21:42

Oh Surro sorry to hear that. No wonder you are nervous. The alarm might make you feel safer Thanks even though in broad daylight with a dog and a young child it's unlikely to be attacked... (Reassurance!)
I'm actually going to buy myself one after reading this thread. I take a short cut home from work every day along a quiet canal and I definitely feel v vulnerable.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 05/04/2016 21:42

a) this needs a trigger warning (I think) due to your last comment on this (it's not to offend I just think mumsnet normally do that for things that bring up triggers for certain people)

b) I think the people you are encountering are probably triggering something for you. Well done for getting out. Carry an alarm but also maybe talk to someone about these feelings. Most people don't want to be disturbed themselves on a walk, even teenagers. Stay safe but remember your thoughts seem to be trying to get the better of you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help a bit if it is starting to overwhelm you at all.

SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 21:44

*Tattycat
*
I take the buggy with me and she gets in and out as she pleases. But all in all today she walked around 2 miles.Grin

Granted most of that was jumping in muddy puddles though (peppa pig has a lot to answer for - swine!) Grin

OP posts:
SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 21:45

Oh crap, sorry. I didn't realise.

I don't know how to do it? ConfusedShock

OP posts:
MintyLizzy9 · 05/04/2016 21:46

Couple of carrier bags with a tin of beans in each, will tone up your arms and when swung about the head can see off an attacker! A policeman told me this many moons ago Grin

Princesspeach1980 · 05/04/2016 21:47

There are some really good iPhone apps for personal safety. "Watch over me" is supposed to be good. Generally they track your walk by GPS and you check in at the end of the walk. If you don't check in, it sends your location to a chosen contact. You can also shake the phone to trigger a loud alarm tone and again it alerts your contacts as to your location.

I wouldn't take anything to defend yourself with, chances are anyone with bad intentions would be much handier than you, and could use it against you.

Definitely agree with walking confident and don't let it put you off, it is incredibly rare to be attacked by a stranger, unprovoked, in broad daylight.

SurroMummy13 · 05/04/2016 21:48

And thank you, I had CBT when I'd just had my daughter.

It brought a lot of issues up when I had her and CBT helped tremendously! Smile

Thanks to everyone who's commented :). Will take action tomorrow :). Xx

OP posts:
lorelei9here · 05/04/2016 21:57

OP I have a sound alarm it's really ear piercing when you set it off!

Thers loads around, I got mine on Amazon I think. My thing with the noise is that person won't want the attention the noise brings. I don't really want to start with sprays and stuff but more to get the attention of others.

Btw that's lots of walking! Enjoy the walk and the Spring weather.

omri · 05/04/2016 21:57

Oh good! And enjoy those walks!

TwentyCupsOfTea · 05/04/2016 22:00

I go jogging alone a lot. Stick to lit areas when it's dark, always tell someone when and where you are going, take your phone. I vary my route as well, because otherwise my routine could be predictable. I wouldn't carry any sort of weapon, but a rape alarm is a good idea. Well done on getting fit :)

froggyjump · 05/04/2016 22:04

Well done on getting out and doing it - I try to walk for fitness too, but after work can't always be arsed!

When your DD is being pushed you are working your arms and core too, (and probably walking a bit faster) so I wouldn't be defensive about the pushchair!

TwentyCupsOfTea · 05/04/2016 22:05

Should add I live on and jog through a 'rough' estate, although not as rough as countless others!!

BrandNewAndImproved · 05/04/2016 22:14

I wonder if you could take a torch with you? Torches are heavy but there's a valid reason to have one especially in the late afternoon.

The older I get the more I get slightly nervous and judge threats from others. There's a cycle path near me and further down commuters get targeted and robbed. I've also been on there (about 5 years ago) when someone was shot! However further up its fine but there are still groups of 15-18 year old boys getting high. It is intimidating but now one of the regular groups say hi to me because my children started chatting to them and I don't feel they're going to try and mug me now when we cycle path.

Alexa444 · 05/04/2016 22:32

Can of deodorant that you can spray in their eyes. I second the keys suggestion too. Jab one straight into the eyeball or throat if you have to. Always go for soft tissue and aim for the face. My dad used to teach martial arts and to this day I can't leave a pub without 20 reminders of the best places to hit or stab someone to kill or incapacitate them. Ah good times.

MummaV · 05/04/2016 22:45

A noisy alarm, keys in hand in pocket, small spray deodorant and an umbrella. These are all staples in my bag. I worked in bars for years and would often have to walk a few miles home alone in the early hours due to not being able to afford a taxi. A clout over the head with an umbrella and a spray of deodorant in the face of the one person who tried to mug me worked well.

All of these things are common things to carry and therefore not classed as weapons but are available to defend yourself.

Fourfifthsof · 05/04/2016 23:20

The best self defence is to trust your gut instinct and to remove yourself from a potentially dangerous situation before it becomes dangerous.

If you feel unsafe, try looking for some alternative routes until you find something you feel more comfortable with.

Sounds like you really enjoy the walks and your DD and dog must love them too - see if you can find somewhere to walk where you can relax and enjoy yourself a little more, it even someone else who might like some exercise to come along with you?

Birdsgottafly · 06/04/2016 00:02

I live in a really rough bit of Liverpool and often walk around at night.

The gangs of teens can seem intimidating, but would leave someone like yourself alone.

I think it's your perception that's the issue, not them.

Some of these suggestions are good, if your alone and it was a one on one attacker. I still think that anyone would be in danger of escalating an attack. I think that a male martial art instructor won't ever comprehend being faced with someone a lot bigger/stronger with the ability to easily kill/rape you and that executing a full on retaliation will put you in further danger.

If your dealing with a gang getting out of order, the best thing that you can do, is to keep calm and walk away, especially when you have your DD with you.

But most people who look dodgy, usually aren't muggers and the teens you see, are just hanging around with their mates.

They may indulge in anti-social behaviour and a bit of criminal damage, but don't usually target people and especially someone walking their dog with a child.

SurroMummy13 · 06/04/2016 07:09

Than you all. I'll see how I get on today :). Aiming for a 8km walk today. (Did 6km yesterday)

But we are starting much later today, 1:30 so will only get back 5-6pm X

OP posts:
Ifailed · 06/04/2016 07:20

Aiming for a 8km walk today. (Did 6km yesterday)
Well done, and keep going. If you are doing the same route, you may start seeing the same (non - scary) people; saying hello won't hurt, and starts to make you look like you belong there. Sounds weird, but it's something an older friend told me when she started walking daily, it raised her confidence and sent out a message to anyone else around.

heron98 · 06/04/2016 09:42

I live in a bit of a rough area. There are lots of ginnels leading into some woods. I was walking up the ginnel when I noticed a group of lads hanging about at the end of it.

I felt nervous but didn't want to turn back as I needed to get back. When I got to the lads, they must have seen how nervous I was and apologised to me! Appearances can be deceptive.

Voteforpedr0 · 06/04/2016 09:54

Try to avoid eye contact, carry yourself confidently and you'll come across as less of a target .Well done for being such a good role model to your daughter health/fitness wise, Could you take some self defence classes at a church hall/community centre ? Or look on you tube there's some great basic womens self defence stuff that could help with your confidence. As others say an alarm woukd give you some reassurance too

simonettavespucci · 06/04/2016 10:00

I saw this app which looks quite helpful - it doesn't escalate the situation, but records what's going on, if necessary:

www.watchovermeapp.com

I agree the chances are you aren't actually in danger, but it's good to have things which make you feel more confident.

Abbbinob · 06/04/2016 10:02

"10-12 rough, loud swearing lads"
don't know if this will make you feel better but the rough sweary laddy types tend to be the most helpful to people with kids in my experience, i think walking with a 3 year old makes it quite unlikely you'll get attacked tbh, even people who want to mug people think maybe it's a bit too far if they have a small child in tow.
TBH these trypes of people (and im not saying these lads are these type of people!) but they tend to stick to stealing shit out of peoples houses/cars etc

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