Or is this behaviour a bit odd?

[Misswrite89]

Ds is 6 months old. He is our first. As a bit of background I'm very that I'm what some might (and have) describe(d) as a "clingy" mum. I have not really spent anytime away from him apart from a full day on a training course for work. I missed him but I coped fine.

I digress. My "AIBU" relates to my SiL. I find her behaviour with my son a little odd. I find her a bit too "motherly" with him if that makes sense.

Some examples - when she comes around she takes him from my arms the moment she comes in and I won't get him back till she leaves. She will insist on feeding him if he's hungry and if he's tired she'll rock him to sleep and let him sleep on her. On top of this, she will constantly be in his face repeating comments over and over such as "I love you my baby" "my baby is so beautiful" "I just want to take my baby home" basically she refers to him as "her" baby and I just find the comments a bit OTT.

I don't know if I'm BU though. She clearly loves him which is lovely but I feel as though are tries to love him as a mother rather than an aunt? I have no sisters of my own and she is DH's only sister so I have nothing to compare this to?

Also, I have a friend who acts quite similar although there are no "my baby" comments thankfully. Basically when we meet up and go out for coffee she will hold DS the whole time (we have a few coffees so it's a probably 2-3 hours) and if I ask for him back (note - I feel unable to do this with SiL) she makes jokey comments about me being clingy. Most friends that I meet for coffee will take it in turns to hold DS, they'll hold Ds while I drink my coffee then we'll swap so no one is drinking their hot drink over him. But this friend drinks her hot drinks over him and then leans back in her chair and holds him the whole time while we talk. It's really hard to explain but I feel like if someone was looking in at the situation it would look like she is his mother. By contrast, other friends when they hold him will look at him and engage and talk to him etc but she just holds him casually while she talks, drinks and texts like he's her son. I know I'm probably being really unreasonable but I just find it a bit odd.

SIL and this particular friend are the only ones I find to be like this. I have lots of friends and family that we spend time with and the rest of them are completely normal, yes they hold him, cuddle him, they might even say they love him but not in this way that I can only describe as "motherly" and not motherly in the sense of kind/caring but almost possessive.

Anyway, I'm fully expecting to get flamed. I know I am probably BU but would anyone else find this behaviour odd?

I think you could be overreacting a bit. I adore my nieces and scoop them in my arms and rarely let them go when I visit. I just love them to bits.
I have kids of my own.
When she says my baby she's probably just saying it wistfully - she knows she'll not have any more of her own so she's making the most of cooing over this one as they are not babies for long.
I would t risk upsetting her, it will pass. You do sound a little bit like a précis first time mum (I was the same and only realised it once I had my second one and relaxed).
It's all so fleeting!

Precious not ordcis

Précis! Daft phone

I'd do this with babies if I had half the chance! But I don't do it unless the mother is ok with it and ACTIVELY encourages me to do it.

But i agree that no harm done really. But if someone had done this with my PFB I would have really struggled with it. Subsequent babies not so much

I call my nephews "my boys". My sister doesn't mind,don't think it's occurred to her to mind. She calls my DD "my baby" , or "my girl" or "my minicandykane" . It's not an issue. We are all flesh and blood. It take a village to raise a child and all that.
But if it bothers you, say so. I don't think it's odd, but I think you are not comfortable with it and that's fine. It's your baby, whatever works for you.
If a friend was drinking a hot drink over my baby though, I'd physically pluck the baby out of their arms. That's just basic risk assessment.

Okay I see two things here so stay with me.

It doesn't matter how many cuddles and feeds auntie gives, it doesn't matter if she insists on calling your DC 'my baby', it doesn't matter if a casual stranger in a coffee shop thinks your friend is your baby's mother. It doesn't matter one jot because you are the mother. This is possibly what makes people think you are clingy (which FWIW, from your OP I wouldn't say you are. Stop letting people make you think that.)
The 'my baby' thing on its own isn't too bad, I often call my DNs 'my little shadow' or 'my special girl', my DSis doesn't mind, and I am often mistaken for my DNs mother as we look so alike.

HOWEVER.
Coupled with her other behaviour, that's a bit silly and SIL needs to get a hold of herself IMO.
More importantly:
Clingy or not, you are your child's mother and you make the decisions. Your problem is not necessarily with your SIL and friend being too 'motherly' towards your son, it seems to be that they almost possessive as you say. Your child is nor a possession for them to have a 'turn' with and they need to know this. If you want your child back, if you want him to be fed by you or your DH, if you want him to sleep in a cot, or if you just want a bloody cuddle yourself you should be able to do that. And certainly you should be able to voice when you don't want hot drinks held over your infant son! When my DN was 8mo she just started grabbing everything she could and that would have included a mug from someone's hand. It's dangerous and you shouldn't be made to feel 'clingy' for looking after the wellbeing of your child.

Good luck in using PPs tips to stand up to them!

for you lukewarm and nowhere near any babies!

I think the biggest question is how often does this happen. Is your SIL at your house 5 times a week for hours at a time, every chance she gets, just to hold your baby? Or does she come by with appropriate frequency and you just don't like how she behaves? The former suggests she's got a real issue with boundaries with respect to your baby, but in my opinion the latter is just run-of-the-mill family annoyance.

The hot drink thing, no way. You need to say something about that. I hate seeing hot drinks near babies

The "my baby" thing would annoy me, but I would probably be BU too!

I hold my nephew for whole visit and joke about wanting to take him because he is so lovely, So that bit I think is ok
the "my baby" is a bad phrase to use , I personally wouldn't say that but I know lovely people who do say all sorts to my babies which I've put down to regional/ cultural( bit like a man calling a random boy " son" which confused the hell outta me when I first heard it ...I go over the top with " my angel scrummy wummy mwah mwah xxxxxxx" etc etc but only cos I'm super broody
I would cut visits short and be grateful he has a loving aunt

Very over the top of both of them and I say that as a Mum of 5DC who's DC are the favourites of my parents,my aunties and uncles(they're great aunts and uncles)my nephews and nieces and my cousins and second cousins and my Bf's and they're husbands.

No one else should be acting like your DC is they're DC.You need to tell your SIL to stop and you need to tell your friend to stop.Don't let your friend drink hot drinks over your baby,I wouldn't hold a hot drink over one of my own children let a friends baby.What would happen if she spilt the drink whilst holding your baby OP?

You will find when your a parent that you have to be brave sometimes and pull people up on they behaviour no matter how much you might dislike having to speak up.That's been one of the biggest lessons I've learnt since I became a parent.

You are a new mum, all new mums are clingy. There is nothing wrong with that. Also, you say you don't mind others holding your baby, it's only these two who overstep the mark.

Your sil especially sounds over the top. I think you have perhaps, been too nice and not wanting to offend her, but maybe you have to become assertive and regain control. don't allow her to feed ds if you don't want him fed etc.

Congrats on your ds

Just pause and think if she told you " I don't give a toss about your baby " as my SIL did. At the time it really hurt. She has shown zero interest in my children and had none of her own. We are dead open as a family, it's very clear SIL is living with a woman, which we are really cool with, but she pretends to others in the family she is struggling alone in her career and pretends she could meet someone. I'm just not on friendship level with her to say - stop pretending. My FIL would struggle to accept gay daughter. Perhaps you have the opposite with a really caring lovely person who genuinely loves her new additions?

If anyone decided to control how attached they thought I should be to my own baby I'd have given them short shrift indeed

It's absolutely not on for anyone to try and force you to detach from your baby, whatever their opinion.

It also won't work, when DS was little if I felt that someone would deliberately refuse to give my baby back, all my mummy alarm bells and hackles would rise. It would physically hurt if I could hear him crying and someone decided to comfort him against my request to give him back, so I could, you know, actually comfort him and deal with whatever the matter was. Parents, especially mothers, have a biological imperative to keep their babies close and safe, rather obviously!

Take my baby away, feel my wrath. Simples!

I empathize OP.

The first few months of my DS life I got really annoyed if anyone held my DS for too long, and would ask for him or take him back. I would have hated what your SIL and friend are doing.

YANBU. From what you've described I think they both sound odd. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're "clingy" about your baby. He's your baby and you feel protective, end of story. If you're not comfortable you need to be firm and polite and do it all with a big smile. "Thanks for keeping him occupied SIL that's great! Can you give him back now I want to give him his feed."
SIL "Don't be so clingy!"
OP "Haha, I appreciate your help and he clearly loves to see you but I'll take him back now. Thanks! Anyway, how's xx?"

My mil like this. Friend would annoy me with hot drinks but I would let sil get on with it as she sounds harmless and ob loves your baby.