AIBU to, in a way, not want my son to succeed?

[GingerLeaves]

This may be quite long...

I have 2 sons - I'm due a 3rd.

My eldest son is in a West End musical; he has a pretty big role and I'm definitely very proud/supportive of him.

However, his role is about to finish and he wants to attend an open audition (to be in a different musical). This will be an even bigger role and he'll have to move several hours away (for a minimum of 6 months)... He can talk to me/come home every 3 weeks - he may not even get the role and in a way, I kind of wish he doesn't? am I a really horrible mum?

My other son is ill, he has to go to the hospital a lot and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. It's tough... I try and find one family member, who can attend his performances - whether that's me, DH, his nan, etc.

If he does this other show, I'm not sure how well he'll cope, with no one there... Oh, I don't know, I don't even know what I'm getting at! AIBU to feel this way?

I haven't read all of the replies to this OP but I think you are not unreasonable for wanting your son home and worrying about him.

BUT

He's 10 and has done something amazing with his life already. You should be so proud of him as well (which I'm sure you are). It's scary to have him so far away but stay in contact with him and keep the dialogue open so he can talk to you about anything. I'm sure he'll be fine and how many kids get to say they have been so successful by his age? I know I'm a little jealous of him

Good luck with it and power through. You've done so much for him already. Let him do what he clearly is so good at. If he doesn't get it, just be supportive and make sure he knows you love him anyway whilst loving every second he's home lol

Let him go. It's tough on you being pregnant and with your other son being ill, but it's obviously what he wants to do and he knows what it encompasses. It could be worse. You could be pregnant, with an ill son, and another resentful one hanging about the house.

Thank you, I'm definitely feeling better

YABU in a way, you're feelings are understandable, but you should always be delighted to see your child succeed, and want them to succeed.

I think I worded it wrong, but I had no way of putting it better!