To think its up to the school to decide on this?

[BudsBeginingSpringinSight]

DF has won a community award, quite a big one, which is lovely and he feels pleased with himself.
He wants us all to attend when he gets given the award, but its in the day on a working/school day!

DH isn't bothered about going and he has asked him to take time off work, and re the school I have said I will ask permission and he said " let me know if you need help with the school" He is quite pushy. I really resent this pushiness. He also questioned DH as to his time off and how come it was all booked and where are we going etc. Again i resent this - as if he is assessing how important our booked off time is.

My DD is 8 and the thing is already misses a good few hours of school on a regular basis due to an on going medical issue that we cant choose times for. So it not even a one off small absence and only a week before the ceremony she will have missed a good chunk of her day for medical issue which we cant help.

I feel uncomfortable now, in that I feel obliged to ask the school for permission even though I dont really want her to have time off.

Just for background, DF is generally generous with ££, well meaning and kind but also has a very pushy selfish streak. For instance a few times and once in detail I explained this medical issue DD HAS in the past and he had no recollection of it when it was mentioned.

If I dont ask the school at all but just lie and pretend they said no can he ring up the school to ask! I don't want to sound mean but I do also know he wouldn't take time of f work etc. I resent the inferance he could somehow "help" with the school if they denied permission.

Well you want them to say no, so you can tell your father they said no, even though you've already decided you don't want them to go.

Assuming the award is for something educational or community focused, I think there's a very high probability the school would say yes.

Thanks Southerly so its a "thing" then...

I can just see friendly office staff kindly chatting to dear old grandpa.

In an ideal world I would say to DF" actually having thought about it, we feel dd has too much time off school already, its not a one off is it, she regularly has time off...so we have decided NO she wont be able to attend".

I had to back off from him in the past due to this mad pushy streak! Our relationship is getting back on track and I know I am being petty too but this pushing has irked me. Its put me in a difficult situation. There is a risk such a confrontation could escalate.

Thanks Open.

Constance I feel mean too this is my dilemma. i totally understand why he feels proud and wants us there. But I also don't want a precedence set. It would all be much easier if this man could back off a little and let people breathe. For instance once we were away with the DC and them and he instigated a long covo about schools - very slyly and how they don't allow time off now...and we had an open chat about it - how they have tightened up rules and then he said " so I wonder if you would let DD stay a few more night with us and fly back with us in a few days time?" The whole convo was basically a set up to ask about time off school for that. I hate this under hand way of going about things.

anyway had some interesting responses...to think about

Ok maybe I'm not getting intoneation in text or I don't react the same way to words but it really does just read to me that your DF is saying he'll help if school aren't sure about the absense. Eg hell just explain the award more and why it's important. Yes, it's not King of England, (although is he being knighted?!), it it clearly means a lot to him and he thinks the school may understand if he explains.

Can you celebrate after school with a special family meal or party to continue your df's special award but the children and your dh can be there too and you won't need to remove your dc from school ?

Ooof, he does sound really self-centred. I think in your shoes I would resent the attempts to bully and manipulate and I would want to dig my heels in and resist. I think this is the issue, and not really the practicalities of time off school.

Is there any way you can go to be supportive, but leave the kids and DH at home? It's a community award, after all, not a Nobel prize

Are you in England OP? If not, term time absence might be different for you.

in uk yes. england

The school will have to follow the policy set out by the local authority so you could find out what that is first. Usually it would be unauthorised (which is what you want) but sometimes they have discretion for 'exceptional circumstances' (which you don't want).

As your father has no parental responsibility for your dd, the school would not be able to discuss this issue with him at all. If he phoned or spoke to the office I am sure that he would be told that.

However, if it makes you feel more comfortable, you could speak to the headteacher and warn them that he might contact the school so that they are prepared.

Fair thank you!