to find this irritating and a bit rude

[pointlessalbatross]

I have a friend I've known for a long time. We speak once a week or so, often on a Saturday evening. She'll ask what we're having for tea and whatever I say she seems to find something negative to say about it. Some examples:
curry / Indian takeaway (our favourite) - she doesn't like curry, allergic to coriander, same story about unexpected coriander attack every time!
Steak - overpriced burgers!
Pizza - meat on pizza is horrible
Salami / pepperoni - she doesn't like it
Cheese on toast - hates cooked cheese, tells same story about how it was the only thing her ex fiance ever cooked for her despite knowing she didn't like it.

There's probably more too. It's often followed up with "but you know me, I'm not fussy".
I am willing to accept that I am being too easily irritated by this and that she's just trying to make conversation. There's a whole load of other issues with this friend so I could just be predisposed to being irritated by her. However, this really just grates on me. What do you think?

When she said the thing about steak I laughed and said jokingly do you ever like anything we're eating? She got emotional and said I was having a go at her!

YANBU, OP. Why is allowed to get away with negative comments?

Please don't let her ruin your Saturday evenings because she is 'unhappy'.

It sounds like she is taking advantage of you.

Some people are so negative about everything that they just don't realise they do it and others tend to notice it more when fairly normal things are talked about.

You could have a bit of fun with it without being unkind. Things like

When she asks come out with things like

"I don't know DH has hired someone from Gordon Ramseys restaurant to come and cook and they bring all the ingredients"

Or

Say you are having her fav meal

Or just be dead enthusiastic about everything you say.

Make yourself a Bingo chart with all the things she usually says/moans about, and when you get full house, reward yourself with or !

Oh the repetitive conversations.....is she a drinker by any chance? A friend of mine often gets drunk and rambly and will tell the same story. Sometimes within minutes.

Her record was telling me the plot of some film she'd seen, four times in half an hour 🙄

Whatever she told you she was having the prior week, say thats what you are having this week. Repeat every week.

If she makes negative comments she is obviously being nasty for the sake of it as it was good enough for her a week earlier.

Whatever she told you she was having the prior week, say thats what you are having this week. Repeat every week.

That's what I was going to suggest, with the addition of "you sounded so enthusiastic about it last week, I thought I'd give it a try!"

I have a friend like this. People who are like that, it comes to a point where they do have to accept that to some extent they are responsible for their own unhappiness. And I suffer from clinical depression so I don't say this lightly.

The friend I have, she will ring and whinge about how dreadful her life is. Her Facebook, every time anybody she has the vaguest connection dies she shares the obituary, every sniffle or ache and pain is moaned about, every minor admin problem with the bank or bills is a major trauma. It's not healthy and just makes things worse. We all have little positives in our life, a roof over our heads, food to eat, in your friends case she has a good friend, you. And she is turning these positives into negatives by making them (and you) another focus for negativity and complaining.

I would encourage your friend to seek counselling for her negative thinking. Through the NHS, or even online. The following is good and recommended by NHS doctors:

moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

If she won't change then withdraw. You can't be responsible for the happiness of someone who wants to be unhappy and actively enjoys it. It's no good for you and you can't help her. She won't mind, she'll be glad she has something else to be unhappy about.

When she said the thing about steak I laughed and said jokingly do you ever like anything we're eating? She got emotional and said I was having a go at her!

You: Well yes I am because I am a bit fed up of you dissing all of my meal choices.

There's probably more too. It's often followed up with "but you know me, I'm not fussy".

You: Oh but you are!. You really are. You are the fussiest person I know.

OK the friendship might not survive but do you care if she is such a pain?

Snap chat her with a tin of Pedigree Chum.

What does it matter to you if she doesn't like your dinner choice? She's not eating it!

She's putting you down to make herself feel better.

Ask her "Did you mean to be so rude? That's my dinner you're talking about."

Does she have any redeeming features?

LTB. (Leave the bore)

Is she 60, and living in Sussex?

Cos she sounds like my mum.

37 mins is her record for whinging down the phone without letting me get a word in edgeways.

Stewed bugs and onions or spam fritters here when asked the same question .

Bingo chart would be so tempting!

SaucyJack, no she's not your mum :-) she's mid 30s although sometimes she sounds more like 60.

Unfortunately, I think BillSykesDog probably has it spot on (I'll have a look at that link, thanks). My problem is that, despite the annoyances, I do actually care about her and feel like to walk away would be letting her down when she needs a steady friend the most (sadly or maybe unsurprisingly I'm the last one left). I have reason to think she wouldn't get professional help.

You could ask her, kindly, like a true friend, if there is anythingpositive in her life, what it is which is making her so negative about everything; you know, have a proper talk.

Tell her you're having roast swan & invite her round. Seriously, I wouldn't put up with that, especially on a Saturday night. She sounds dull