AIBU re DH & dieting?

[Wizzles]

Relatively new to MN & my first AIBU so fully prepared to be torn to pieces & told I am.

DH constantly moans he is fat but won't do anything serious about it!

On average once a week DH says that he is too fat & that it's time to start making a proper effort with diet. He'll then have a couple of days where he'll go to extremes (no treats, no carbs, killing himself in the gym etc) & then will come up with some completely random reason why he has to have something naughty e.g, "it's Friday", "we're celebrating", "I've been good for X days", "too late/difficult to make something healthy" etc

We've both been overweight in the past & have successfully lost it. However he is currently about 2 stone overweight, largely due to sympathy-eating while I was pregnant with DD (8 weeks old). I am struggling to lose the last 8lb of pregnancy weight & find it a real struggle to be good food-wise when he is being bad!

I know his weight is his business, & I adore him regardless of how he looks. The weight doesn't bother me, but the constant moaning about it and not doing anything does!

Is it portion control too? My DH really struggles with that. I try to cook just enough, so that there can be no seconds, though sometimes I make extra for lunches the next day. He also has a sedentary job in an office, which doesn't help. We don't have biscuits etc, unless we have guests. It's really hard to encourage, without either a) feeling like you are having to be their mum, or b) feeling like a nag.

It sounds as though your dh needs some motivation to lose weight beyond how it is affecting his appearance.

Could you persuade him to go for a full MOT at the doctors to find out how it is impacting on his health? ..Blood pressure, cholesterol, risk of diabetes?
That may be a wake up call.

I really like myfitnesspal too. It seems to motivate me better than other things.

It's really hard to encourage, without either a) feeling like you are having to be their mum, or b) feeling like a nag.

^^ This. Times a million!

Portion control is OK I think. It's the unnecessary additions. On Friday I made a fish pie which was an old WeightWatchers recipe so pretty healthy. I did all the prep, but DH took over in last 5 mins with cooking veg, getting pie out if oven etc as I was busy. He sneakily added CHEESE to the top of the pie!

Yes, we shouldn't have cheese in the house, I know.

Tasted fucking epic though

Piggy?

I'm not surprised he isn't losing weight if you're talking to him like that. If my dh told me he thought I was piggy for buying ice cream when I was doing the grocery shopping, I'd probably feel so low that I'd end up eating the lot.

Why shouldn't you have cheese in the house? Ok it shouldn't be eaten in massive amounts but it certainly isn't a "bad" food (if there is such a thing)

Could you get together and look for lovely indulgent, diet friendly, alternatives to what you are eating?

For example cauliflower mash or celeriac dauphinois are good alternatives to roast potatoes. Nuts could replace crisps. Spiralized veg can replace pasta. Cauliflower rice can replace ordinary rice. Look at recipes for low carb deserts (plenty on the net) to replace sweet things.

As far as beer goes, strong lager is the lowest in carbs & the drier wines are not to bad either. Don't overdo it though. One is enough, if a person seriously wants to lose weight. Look at ways to make drinking slower. Use smaller glasses, drink stuff that is more likely to be sipped than quaffed. Have water on the table too.

Yep! You are going to have to not buy any 'treats'. My DH always moans at me if we have nice things in the house, because he has no willpower. We make healthy food swaps, so no cheesy pasta sauces, but bolognaise with low fat mince. Less baking! Pie once a month. One meat free day a week. Try getting really strong cheddar, and use less. As the weather is kind of getting better, go for long walks with dd in her pram, very good for you too. Though we went for Sunday lunch yesterday, as we had guests, DH ate his roast, then had ds2 leftover battered fish, and treacle tart for dessert!

All this talk of being good, being bad, piggy etc is nonsense.
Its just food, don't buy crap, shop online, don't cook crap.
I would ask him why he thinks he should be rewarded with food when he has had a hard week/done the garden etc
Time for a heart to heart to get to the bottom of it and hopefully together agree on changes you are both happy with.

Have you thought about slimming world? There is so much choice, can still have treats etc. And the weekly weigh in is very motivating!
Also, maybe do an online shop instead? You're not so tempted to buy things as you just search for what you need :)

I would just like to say referring to his eating habits as 'piggy' isn't going to help. Shaming him won't help and will make it worse.

Personally, having been in his position I would not buy treats in (since you want to lose a few pounds too) cook healthy meals where possible and let him get on with it.

Eventually he will see you lose weight and realise he needs to sort himself out or he will lose a bit himself and like it, so carry on.

I can't promise it would work but that's what dh did for me. If he had called me piggy or made other derogatory comments it would have ended with me feeling upset and eating more. Or even hiding what I was eating.

Start by having a converstation about how you both want to drop a few pounds and be healthier and both agree to not buying unhealthy food. If he won't, just concentrate on you. And tell him you don't want the stuff in the house because it's too tempting for you.

I hear what some of you are saying about using the word "piggy" but this was said in jest and he certainly hasn't taken offence. He would say the same to me if I wanted to eat ice cream after already having a 3 course dinner!

He has (voluntarily) said he's going to have a booze free month & I think that will make a difference for a start. When I lost my weight previously it was through WeightWatchers so I'm going to do that. That means his evening meal will be healthy & if he wants to have other naughty food that is up to him.

I just wanted to say 5:2 can work well for couples, I do it and try to keep out of the kitchen on low days while DH sorts his meals out, and also when I cook eg a casserole I make extra which DH freezes in portion sized tubs for another day.
Sometimes we also (tonight for example) have essentially the same meal -- smoked haddock and spinach for me while DH will have colcannon mashed potato as well.
It's easy to add in a carb for you while you're BFing. Or have a snack earlier or later too keep your calories up.

Oh god. I'm exhausted just reading this.

You are not his mum. You have a small baby. You don't have time to be planning his diet for him, do you?

If he's bothered he can find out about 5:2 or whatever himself. He knows how to use google, right? If he's not bothered enough then no amount of advice will help anyway.

If he starts moaning about his weight you can ignore it, change the subject, maybe even say "I'm so sick of hearing about this DH, just do it or don't. I'll support you by not putting temptation in your way but I've got enough stuff to worry about myself."

Honestly, he obviously has a very complicated relationship with food and drink. Best you stay out of it. Eat what you want. Leave him to eat what he wants. Stay well out of it.

RunRabbit I think that is the mental slap round the face I need. It's his business, not mine. Sorted.

Thank you!

That means his evening meal will be healthy & if he wants to have other naughty food that is up to him.

That's perfect!