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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my P is fucking weird

47 replies

Fugghetaboutit · 03/04/2016 19:48

Went out shopping today as a family with kids, had lunch then mooched around shops - I took kids around toy section in shop while P could look in clothes shops mostly.

He was taking a while so I called him and said I'll meet you in car (in car park) when he's done he said ok.

Waited in car for 45 MINUTES total and went to call him to say hurry up as kid getting fractious but he called me at that moment asking where I was. Turns out he had got the bus home! Who does that? Sad Angry
Apparently he said he'll meet me at home twice he didn't

I was actually really upset and pissed off still am

Aibu to think if you go out as a family you come home together? And I'm annoyed I didn't get to buy one thing for myself that I needed due to having both kids. I think he's really quite odd.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 03/04/2016 21:43

He's gaslighted you.
Does he do this often?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 03/04/2016 21:52

He didn't have keys? I would've stayed out Grin

WetLettuce123 · 03/04/2016 21:53

A bit gaslighty. He knows he didn't tell you "twice" he'd meet you at home. He knows you were waiting for him whilst he was sitting on the number 22. He then lies to your face and blames you? Tries to pass it off as cross wires? I'd cry too.

UsernameIncorrect · 03/04/2016 22:07

I didn't mean to be cruel, but can see it was. I'm sorry.

But it's true, for whatever reason, he didn't want to be with you. He sounds bloody awful and you sound lovely and non deserving of any such treatment.

Notcontent · 03/04/2016 22:19

It is weird and any normal person in your position would be upset.

My ex did lots of weird stuff that upset me and I often wish that at the time I had not just swept it under the carpet, and had properly confronted him about it and why he was doing it.

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2016 22:22

He went home ahead of you knowing he didn't even have keys to get in? Hmm

blobbityblob · 03/04/2016 22:29

I think it's very weird. Sort of absolving himself of any responsibility. There is no reasonable excuse. Normal behaviour would be to turn up at the car or phone you. He's playing head games I'd say.

Binders1 · 03/04/2016 23:19

Well I guess at least you had the car! My ex thought I had been too long once and drove home and I had to get the bus. I was spent an hour at the meeting point we had agreed. One time I nearly missed a flight because I was waiting for him to come back from duty free only to find out he had boarded the plane without me. After lots of other similar examples, I had had enough and we took two cars everywhere. We kept our own passports and I would not have hesitated to leave him anywhere. He was a grown man and could take care of himself and clearly wasn't bothered about me or DS.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 04/04/2016 08:05

That's horrible Binders Sad I don't think he would do that.

Thank you for replies, I genuinely thought I was overreacting

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 04/04/2016 08:08

Yeah that's very very weird behaviour

PoppieD · 04/04/2016 08:12

How was he when you got back? Did he make a drama of being stuck outside as you had the keys?

Fairylea · 04/04/2016 08:18

I would be really cross. It sounds like he just expects to do his own thing and leave the kids with you.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 04/04/2016 08:20

No, he was a bit sheepish but I was angry so he called me and idiot because I had a go at him, then took ds to the park. When he got back he apologised

OP posts:
Wolpertinger · 04/04/2016 08:22

Don't blame baby hormones for your crying. You cried for a totally understandable reason - your partner had behaved like a self-centred twat.

Thefitfatty · 04/04/2016 08:23

I hate to say this, but this is totally something I would do. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I'm on meds now, but before if I was in a crowded place like a mall I would have a really hard time listening to DH, especially on the phone. I would have heard the word "car" and assumed you were going home because I couldn't pay attention to the rest of the conversation.

NicknameUsed · 04/04/2016 08:34

"but you weren't actually together and that's unusual too"

I don't think so. If I go shopping with OH or DD we quite often want to go into different shops and agree to meet later. OH wouldn't get a bus or train home though. Why would he when the car is so much more convenient?

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 04/04/2016 08:37

...and your family are in it!!

OP posts:
BlueJug · 04/04/2016 08:40

Probably crossed wires unless he has form and there are other problems.

" I'm going back to the car as the kids are getting fractious - see you n a bit"
YOU think it means "see you in 10 mins at the car"
HE thinks it means "We'll drive home as kids need to be home - see you there at some point"

OK - I don't know what was said, only you and he do, but v easy on mobiles in busy shopping centre to mis-hear/misunderstand.

I'd give benefit of doubt and plan differently next time.

AugustaFinkNottle · 04/04/2016 08:44

I think it has to be crossed wires. It's unlikely to be deliberate behaviour on his part given that he couldn't get into the house.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 04/04/2016 09:40

Good point Augusta. I just think he doesn't think sometimes.

OP posts:
splendide · 04/04/2016 11:11

My friend's DP does this kind of thing a lot. In his case I genuinely think it's some sort of neurological issue, it doesn't seem to be on purpose. They've got no children though so it doesn't cause the same type of problems.

Original poster
Fugghetaboutit · 04/04/2016 16:36

Please tell her not to procreate w him as it's a pain in the arse

OP posts:
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