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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad DP has left me on my own tonight?

24 replies

WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 19:36

My granny died last week in Scotland. I was going to go up to attend the funeral which was today, but I lost my ID so I couldn't fly and my dad was going to pay for the train but couldn't afford the train fare and neither can I (just moved house, broke is not the word). Really sad I'm not there with my family - my sister says they're all at the pub getting bladdered which in my family is a very very rare occasion (never actually happened when I've been a legally drinking adult) but always looked like so much fun when I was a kid. Also my sisters first time drinking since before she got pregnant and she was always my drinking buddy so am gutted I'm not there. Im obviously much much more upset about missing the funeral, my granny was one of my favourite people in the world - in her last moments, she couldn't remember my cousin who has lived round the corner from her for 25 years, but was chattering away about my baby DD who she has met onceSad, but right now, I just wish I was with my family celebrating her memory and having a few drinks.

Anyway, I bought myself a bottle of prosecco as I was feeling a little bit left out Blush. Texted DP asking if he wanted to get himself a few beers and we could have a drink in our new garden for the first time as it is a nice evening. He rings me half an hour later saying he is going to his friends house for a few drinks to get on it instead.

he goes out with his friends at least every two weeks, so it's not like I never let him out! But AIBU in thinking today of all days he could have chosen to come home and have a nice evening with me instead of going out and leaving me sitting here wishing I was anywhere but alone?

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 01/04/2016 19:40

Yes, it would have been kinder of him to be with you.

acasualobserver · 01/04/2016 19:42

I agree.

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2016 19:42

Yes, he should have been there for you. Never mind, stay on here, drink your wine and start a controversial thread and the night will fly by!

Flowers for your granny.

Osolea · 01/04/2016 19:42

He probably didn't realise you were feeling a bit sad. Do you think he'd have come home if you'd told him clearly that you were upset?

Jojoriley · 01/04/2016 19:45

Did you tell him you were feeling sad and needed cosseting?

Original poster
WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 19:46

Osolea

I sent him this half an hour ago:

You know I'm so sad I can't be with my family today and you just ditch me even tho you get on it with your mates all the time. Only thing that would have made me feel better is a nice night with you 😢 anyway I'll leave the key in recycling or something have fun

And he hasn't even replied. He knows, he would just obviously rather go out with his friends than care about my feelings Sad

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 01/04/2016 19:47

Couldn't they have got a little less bladdered and lent you the train fare? Kind of mean of all of them, not just your dp...

MatildaTheCat · 01/04/2016 19:48

Why not text him, 'I'm feeling very sad, any chance you can come home?'

Original poster
WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 19:49

Couldn't they have got a little less bladdered and lent you the train fare? Kind of mean of all of them, not just your dp...

The train fare's £150 and they're in a rural part of Scotland when the beers about a quid a pint Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 19:50

Why not text him, 'I'm feeling very sad, any chance you can come home?'

But then will he just come home in a bad mood, sit and watch gogglebox with me and think wtf did I come back to do this? I don't know if being alone is preferable to that..

OP posts:
MoreGilmoreGirls · 01/04/2016 19:50

How is your relationship generally does he normally not care about your feelings? Do you go out with your friends? Just wondering if there are deeper problems here? I hope he cones home and gives you a cuddle. Sorry about your gran Flowers

PennyHasNoSurname · 01/04/2016 19:52

Easyjet will accept a Costco card as ID if you have one of those?

Your dp is a dick.

MatildaTheCat · 01/04/2016 19:52

Sorry, cross posted. TBH that message was never going to result in a nice evening, was it?

Have a bath, sip your Prosecco and remember your lovely granny. Flowers

Lastly, and don't hate me too much, it's very wise to a have a small pot of money for proper emergencies. What if something happens like the boiler breaking down?

EverySongbirdSays · 01/04/2016 19:52

Flowers YANBU OP he's been a bit callous

PennyHasNoSurname · 01/04/2016 19:53

Or could you get a Megabus first thing?

BackforGood · 01/04/2016 19:56

I agree with Molly - surely, between them, they could have got you there.
How you you 'lose your ID' ? I've not flown internally - what ID do they accept ? Are there not alternatives?

I would also have explicitly asked my dp to be with me if I needed him, not let him make other arrangements and then send such an aggressive text.

I'm sorry you've lost your Gran, but think you need to take responsibility for yourself a bit more, if I'm honest, not make out it's all your dp's fault you are sad.

BackforGood · 01/04/2016 19:56

x-posted with LOADS of posts there..... Blush

Stellar67 · 01/04/2016 20:02

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm guessing grief has got in the way for you to think straight.
Pour a drink. Cheers to your granny. Don't feel remorse now, you can't undo any of this. ThanksWine

MrsS1990 · 01/04/2016 20:06

I read your first thread OP.

So sorry you couldn't make it to your Grans funeral.
Your oh should be there with you but maybe he didn't use his brain. Can you text him saying you need him?
I think my husband may have not realised and gone to visit a friend- but if Id text to let him know he was needed he would rush home to me. Don't be ashamed to ask for him.

Roseberrry · 01/04/2016 20:08

That is shit Sad I'm very sorry about your granny. He should be there with you, doesn't matter whether you are fun to be with at the moment or not.

SoddingPufflers · 01/04/2016 20:09

Does he not have a key? Did you not explain in advance that you were sad, rather than just by text message? Sorry about your granny :(

Original poster
WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 20:10

How is your relationship generally does he normally not care about your feelings? Do you go out with your friends? Just wondering if there are deeper problems here? I hope he cones home and gives you a cuddle. Sorry about your gran 

He struggles with empathy at the best of times, but this has got a lot better since I've been with him and we've had DD. I see my friends quite regularly, though I only go out drinking maybe once a month or so if that. I don't think I should LTB or anything like that - he's a messy B but apart from that he is a good egg and tries his best to be the best ur can be for our family usually. It's just today the temptation of going out obviously got too much. Which is fucking bang out of order. And I won't let him forget it quickly. Was just consulting with MN to kind of validate my opinion as sometimes I feel like a right moany, uptight 23 year old compared to my peers..

Thanks everyone for the condolences. She was so special, but was falling a lot and they said if she she survived she would have had to go in a home which she really didn't want to do. Plus my grandad died a few years ago, and my uncle had a car crash and died; and she was very religious so would have been looking forward to seeing them both in heaven. That gives me some comfort at least.

OP posts:
Original poster
WotsitSandwich · 01/04/2016 20:14

Plus my little one still won't go to bed, when usually she's asleep by 6. So she's overtired and being a little devil which doesn't help my mood.

OP posts:
scribblegirl · 01/04/2016 20:16

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Yes it's crap of your DP but I agree with the others - have a nice night in and remember your granny :)

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