To tell a big fat lie to my 16yr old

[FuckityDuck]

to TRY and get him to sort his shit out....

Basically we are 3 months til GCSE''S. To be blunt he aint the brightest kid on the block but he is more than capable at least getting C results if AND only if he would put the effort in.

He has already failed 2 GCSE's last year with cramming for revision at the last minute.

So back to school in September and since then I have played tried everything from Encouragement, Rewards, threat's, we have shouted, I have tried cool calm and collected.

Parent's evening in January he was on target for d,e,f & g's results not one bloody passed.

In his college interview he has told them he is on target for B's - Bloody bloody Kids - Does anyone want an extra teen - He can be quite lovely at times

He is/has supposed to be going to revision sessions after school for the last 2 mths - Not been to a single one. He has had art/graphics already and done little to no prep.

He is hanging around with a gang - who either don't need to work at school - as they are going working in dad's businesses, either expelled, suspended numerous times or plans to go into Infantry - MY own personal nightmare. And between them all are causing a bloody riot in our small town

Mini recap since parents evening with his head there is NO improvement whatsoever

He is my only child and I am a widow so no back up support from anyone else.

I work full time get in at 6.30 in the evening by which time he has buggered off out after telling me has done some work - So difficult to ground him

I have today told him with immediate effect I have left work - That I need to start parenting him properly and STOP leaving him to his own devices. I have NOT REALLY left just took a last minute few day's in the hope it will shock him into realizing he HAS to get on with it

So now there are no wages coming in money will be very tight - he knows what this is like from years ago.

There has been lots of ranting and shouting from him tonight - Am I a really shit mum telling this huge lie.

Am even thinking of getting him to come to the Job Center with me on Monday to sign on as he is off for half term - So he can see 1st hand what one of them places are really like

No I feel totally shit for this huge web of lies I am now spinning

My eldest was like yours, this time last year.

I left him to it.

We don't all fit the 'education in a school' format.

Lots of kids ( especially males) should be removed from education at 14 and taught a trade.

I doubt if that will ever happen unfortunately.

This may be unpopular but I'd encourage him to join the army. They will teach him self discipline and a trade.

I don't agree with "just leaving him to it"

It's not as if he's just not studying, he's not going to school and is hanging around with a bad crowd. It would be ridiculous NOT to try to do something.

Op could you possibly change your hours until the exams, so you are at home when he gets in? If not take advantage of your holiday now to try to change his attitude.

Could you have a meeting with a teacher he likes at school? Ask them if he starts working will he have a chance if getting a C.
I'd try to make sure he goes to the revision classes.
Sit him down and go through some aprentiships and see if they appeal to him.
He also needs to be told if he fails English and Maths he will HAVE to resit as you cannot get anywhere without those two exams.

Don't have to admit to lie.
Just say work begged you back and you relented....
So hard...
Noone that can give him a reality check? An older cousin? Young uncle?
He may think it is too late to do well and just being well I've screwed it up so might as well carry on etc...
Has he got interests apprenticeship wise?
Have you got colleges, technical colleges about?
A friend of mine hated school but made great success of himself in the Merchant Navy. Perhaps not as scary as some forces. [Started 16].
Maybe he will screw up this time. Needs to think about 'what next' if he does.
Good luck....

What are his hobbies and interests? What would he do if he could chose for himself?

You have to be careful with dcs who are not academically minded that they still believe in themselves and in a education system.

If he has to work hard to get Cs but wants to do a college course that he needs Bs for what is the point of him struggling when he won't get the grades?

So talk to him about what he really, really wants to do. Then find a way for him to progress on that route that he can actually achieve.

My nephew had started a plumbing NVQ at college last September. Hated it and only did it because he wanted to please his dad and because he didn't think he was good enough to do what he really wanted which was play football for a living.

He was not going to college so we sat down and looked what he could swap to. Found him a 12 week work skills course that uses football as an incentive to do other stuff. The guy that runs the course is fantastic and has talkes to him about coaching and being a sports trainer and the different careers that are available. Nephew starts a ft sports diploma type course next year and because he neess higher English results on the next level is really pushing himself for that.

So find out what he would love to do then help him find a way to achieve that.

My ds1 was very lazy but reasonably bright, the only way I got him to revise for his gcses was to buy all the cpg guides for his exam syllabus (his books were in a mess) and actually sit with him for 2 hours every day (I do work full-time) going over the books and testing him. This worked and he passed them all. It was so tiring and the whole family suffered . The real difficulty you have is his social circle and friends, he may be better doing a level 2 college course in September, is he sporty? A Btec in sport has lots of activity as well as written work.

I was in a very similar position to you, ds surpassed my expectation in his GCSEs completely bombed AS levels but has secured an excellent apprenticeship. You really need to let them find their own level. I did manage to guilt trip him emotionally on a few occasions when I was really concerned but having remembered what I was like at a similar age finally allowed him to find his own way with the hope that upbringing and love of nice things would spur him in the right direction - so far so good but a long way to go. You can lead a horse to water etc etc...

I really feel for you as this is such a tough situation but trust that you have put the right values in the boy and he will come good, be there for him and support him but perhaps spend the next couple of days being together and really talking about what is important to both of you and where you will be in the future rather than focussing on the study. Start looking at opportunities ie college or apprenticeships and understand what he wants, you can only do your best and so can he.

I agree with Pondering, after a few days off on annual leave say work begged you to go back and you have agreed for now. It is obviously not great to lie but sometimes these things happen when we are pushed into a corner. And it already sounds that he is pushing the balance of power in your relationship and if you have to go to him and apologise and tell him you lied he literally is going to have all the power in his hands. Good luck OP