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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People to keep their mouths shut!

71 replies

Freeandsinglewater · 31/03/2016 20:21

To the lady who said;
"Oh, hell"
as I ran passed while you cycled with your family. I do NOT need comments like that!
Yes, I'm over weight. I'm trying to become fitter some of us aren't graced with a loving husband, or nice body.

OP posts:
LifeofI · 31/03/2016 21:06

That's a horrible for thing to say, what a bitch.

TheWitTank · 31/03/2016 21:14

Well, I certainly didn't want to stick the boot in! I was pointing out that maybe this cyclist was just talking out loud as I frequently do -I was trying to make the OP feel better and continue running and not be paranoid about her weight! I like to think people are generally kind. I have never once in all my gym visits, classes, competitions and meets heard even ONE negative jibe towards an overweight person. Truthfully. Actually, most people at my gym admire the drive and strength it takes to commit to working out when overweight or unfit, it's bloody hard! Or they are so busy concentrating on their own work out that they don't notice anyone else (or don't care). The cyclist didn't mention weight or laugh (I presume) or shout anything derogatory. It really could have been about anything at all and I hope it was!

greenfolder · 31/03/2016 21:16

Was it my mother?

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 31/03/2016 21:18

I feel your pain, I was running the other day, I'm on the chubby side, and some guy who ran past me shouted "give up fatty" Hmm I shouted back "fuck off" I am Gower a hobby Welsh woman Confused

It hurt I'm not going to lie, but now I'm motivated to keep going weirdly.

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 21:19

I think, wit in cases like that a simple 'if it was definitely about you, YANBU' which allows for the possibility it might not have been but still supports the OP.

I had this as I say a few weeks ago and it was definitely about me but hard to explain exactly how! Of course the thread turned into people insisting I was paranoid and deluded of which I am neither just a reasonably intelligent person able to tell when someone is speaking to / about me!

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 31/03/2016 21:19

I am however. Not Gower I'm not from the Gower; they are posh, I am not

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 21:20

I thought it was a 'I'm from the Gower, don't mess with me!' remark!

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 31/03/2016 21:20

And gobby

Fucking autocorrect Angry

Bluebolt · 31/03/2016 21:20

You see many a cyclist by me speaking to themselves, well they have an earpiece to their bloody phones but it looks like they are talking to themselves. Most runners I run with have their very used but much loved gear that looks very second hand. I would not associate her comment with weight.

GingerCuddleMonsterThe2nd · 31/03/2016 21:23

Haha those who inhabit the Gower are far from rough. There aren't enough people to start feuds with I'd imagine. Unless your going to use smoke signals from one house to the next to convey outrage and anger Grin

uglyflowers · 31/03/2016 21:25

I was at the pool last night and it takes confidence for me to go as I am size 16-18. Also there was a woman considerably bigger than me. We were the only two in the swimming lanes and we were both great though I say so myself. I did 40 lengths - she did similar, possibly more. She got out and as she climbed out, I noticed some middle aged guy looking her up and down with a look of undisguised revulsion. I hope she didn't see it. People are such fuckers sometimes Sad and I do wonder how the hell they think it is OK to sneer at people for being fat whilst the said person is in the act of trying to be healthier. The sneery bugger wasn't even swimming, just paddling around in the shallow end.

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 21:26

'I am hobby a Gower Welsh woman'

Brilliant! Grin

FluffyPersian · 31/03/2016 21:28

OP - She may have been referring to you, I guess you'll never know 100% for sure. What I do think, is for every person who thinks something negative about you, there will be at least one person thinking something positive.

This is from an overweight person who runs on a treadmill at home as she is TOO worried about running outside... and if I ever see someone running outside, I always think 'Good for you, as I don't have the confidence to do that'...

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/03/2016 21:30

About 20 years ago I was on a train making eyes at a very handsome chap who told me a joke I giggled and glanced out of the window.

Not long after a lady stood in front of my table screaming at me about health conditions and did I think she enjoyed looking the way she did and having people laugh at her, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I would have deserved it if I had done anything to cause that reaction but I hadn't even noticed her and if I had I certainly wouldn't have registered anything about her appearance or commented on it.

It happened because she was self conscious about her appearance and just assumed my laughter was directed at her.

whattheseithakasmean · 31/03/2016 21:31

How do you know her clothes were new & she had a loving husband - do you know her?

BluePancakes · 31/03/2016 21:32

Have you come across the Too Fat to Run website? I definitely recommend it, and following their FB page too.
I've bought one of their Tshirts in the sale almost as a fuck you to anyone who dares say something about my weight when I'm running. As it is, I've only had compliments when I've worn the Tshirt mainly compliments about the Tshirt, but still compliments, nonetheless

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 31/03/2016 21:37

It was when she was in front of me. There was no one else around, and she seemed very stable on her bike

You said she was with her family. Maybe she was pissed off that they weren't keeping up or something. It's the kind of thing I might say out loud in that situation.

Also she was clad in all the new gear, not a trace of mud or dirt on her. I on the other hand, was wearing pretty much all second hand stuff

Why is this relevant? That's a lot to notice as you run past her. I'm pretty certain she wouldn't even notice.

Look OP, you've got a lot of support in this thread, so take heart from that. However, I have to confess that I'm not convinced this was aimed at you.

With your comments about loving husbands, her new clothes etc. I also think you're possibly projecting. But what do I know? I wasn't there, you were.

TattyCat · 31/03/2016 21:38

How do you know she doesn't have Tourette's?? Just asking...

TheWitTank · 31/03/2016 21:38

I think the way to look at it is that people who make nasty comments must be right miserable, unhappy cunts to do that and be glad you are not like that. What they think is entirely irrelevant and not what everybody else thinks. Ignore, be happy you are not ignorant and carry on.

TattyCat · 31/03/2016 21:41

How do you know there wasn't a problem with her bike and she was struggling to change gear? Just asking...

What if she said it not referring to you, but to something else, then thought she couldn't stop you and say "sorry, I wasn't referring to you" because that would definitely appear offensive! It sounds just like something I would do tbh, then worry about the runner thinking I was talking about her and be too afraid to say something!

BillSykesDog · 31/03/2016 21:42

But I don't think it's particularly kind to encourage the OP to be over sensitive to the point where she thinks things that could well be completely unrelated are about her. Why do so many people on MN think that the only way to be kind is to blindly agree with the OP?

fastdaytears · 31/03/2016 21:43

I don't understand why "oh hell" is something you would say to someone you think is overweight. I'm not trying to be unhelpful I just don't get it.
If she was being a cow then she should absolutely keep her mouth shut.
Either way, if you're enjoying running then don't let her or anyone else discourage you.

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 21:48

Well neither do I Bill but everyone insisting that no, no, she's wrong, obviously the woman had Tourette's/was thinking about her oven/meant someone else isn't really going to make OP stop in her tracks!

Smile, shrug it off is the best way of dealing with stuff like this. I did once have a bloke shout 'fat cunt' at me out of his car. If everyone demanded to know how I knew it was me / how did I know he didn't have Tourette's - I wouldn't be able to but I know damn well he WAS talking about me and would bet my house on him not having Tourette's!

I guess what I'm saying is, take the OP at face value, maybe suggest the woman didn't mean her but don't state it as an established fact.

TheWitTank · 31/03/2016 21:52

Yes, but Fat Cunt is entirely different to Oh Hell. If the cyclist had said 'urgh look at that fat women running!' or 'yuck, fatty!' then it would be obviously about the OP. Oh hell could be about anything from a wheel wobble, remembering something -who knows!

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 21:53

It is and I don't disagree with 'she may not have meant you' but stating 'she obviously didn't mean you,you are projecting' is the same, just the other extreme.

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