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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ok I admit it - I've pulled my judgey pants well and truly up - but still bloody cross at these irresponsible adults!

59 replies

ChasingPavements123 · 31/03/2016 16:17

So today we took dc's (3 &5) to a local popular attraction. Place was very busy and we were having a great time - its a brilliant place for kids but not one where you'd want to leave them completely to their own devises - i.e. animals, vehicles, water features etc. We were having a great time and wondered into another part of the park and found a little boy playing at the edge of a pond, looking around couldn't see parents etc or obvious group he was with and so started to talk to him. He told us he'd lost his friends, he'd lost them 'long time ago' and so I walked about asking people in the local vicinity etc and as we had no luck I took him back to the nearby restaurant and alerted the park staff. He was three years old, relatively articulate (i.e. could tell me his name and after a long conversation I realised he was with his mum's friends rather than his mum) but scared, sad and worried. Luckily having two young dcs I had colouring bits and dino snap on me which kept him amused. It took the park rangers 25mins to locate the mum's friends. Now my 'judgey pants' are not up because the child got lost. Crikey some of the best of us have had that heart pounding moment when you can't see your dc and maybe they have run off momentarily, I was furious because they didn't realise he was missing!!! Apparently it was only because the park ranger stopped a truck they had got on to take them to a different part of the park and asked if anyone was missing this child by name that they realised. When a woman turned up to collect him she immediately was remonstrating him and he was obviously sad, upset and scared No cuddle, no anything.
I've no idea how long he was lost for - he told me he'd been lost a long time and I was with him for 25mins - how can you not realise you have lost a 3 yr old child in your care!! My children would have been upset and I'd have been beside myself.

OP posts:

MunchMunch · 31/03/2016 19:51

Well done to the Rangers/staff for informing his parents and storybrooke I hope it wasn't your ds!

storybrooke · 31/03/2016 19:53

It wasn't

MiscellaneousAssortment · 31/03/2016 19:56

That's great - what a brilliant park/ place that has Rangers.

It's the kind of situation which doesn't sit well for a long time after. Imagine the mummy never knowing... I'm so glad the venue were that caring and responsible.

And hopefully it's not your little one Story, as you'd know by now

Sprog19 · 31/03/2016 20:00

I wonder if it's the same place that we went to and lost my DS who is autistic - the Rangers were absolutely brilliant and found him within 5 minutes. I was so impressed with their efficiency and kindness. Place begins with C, in SW?

Minisoksmakehardwork · 31/03/2016 20:00

Wow! I'm impressed that they informed his parents. So many people bury their head and say it's not their problem.

I lost one of my 3yos, for maybe 5 mins max when I realised I couldn't see him in a gated park. I was frantic and panicking searching for him. He had followed some people out as a child held the gate open and the people behind him didn't know he wasn't with the people in front. Although as soon as they realised (when the other people walked off ) they were trying to find his parents. I am so eternally grateful to those people and now attach tags to all my children with my mobile number when we are on big trips out where they are likely to be running around like that.

Theimpossiblegirl · 31/03/2016 20:12

What great staff the place has, glad they have informed the mum. Well done OP, lucky you found him before something terrible happened. I get a shudder just thinking of a small child playing alone by a pond.

ElleGrace · 31/03/2016 20:31

Reading this made me want to throw up. What an awful experience for that little boy. As a PP poster has said, his mother would have had absolutely no idea that her pride and joy was in such danger, possibly even allowing the lady to take him out again in the future! What wonderful people to go to the effort of reporting the incident, they could literally have saved this little boy.
I'm a childminder, so I fully understand the responsibility you take on when looking after other people's children. I feel sick if I turn around and one of my children is more than a meter away when we're in a popular attraction as described. It is so easy to lose children in places like that, but to not notice for more than a few minutes is despicable and for them to be over 25 mins makes me wonder what an earth was wrong with that woman.
The boy was so lucky it was you who found him OP

ohtheholidays · 31/03/2016 20:33

Well done OP for stopping and helping the little boy so many people don't bother anymore.

Really glad the place let the Mum know,if that was my DC I think that would be the end of the friendship for me.

RubbleBubble00 · 31/03/2016 20:38

just reading it makes my heart stop (my youngest is 3 next month), he could have drowned, been abducted, abused omg yikes. so glad mum was informed

BadDoGooder · 31/03/2016 20:51

Bloody hell.
I would have been furious too op, you have every right to pull up those judgy pants!

I was recently impressed by Santa Pod. When you buy a ticket they give you a wristband that you write your mobile number on, then stick it on the child.
The woman at the desk said it was because so many children run off, and it's such a dangerous place for a tiny tot, they need to be able to contact the parents asap.

I think all attractions should do this, it's only a paper wristband, it must cost the place pennies, but it certainly made me more relaxed!

Bluebird79 · 31/03/2016 20:54

Well done for getting involved and helping the poor lad. X

littleshirleybeans · 31/03/2016 21:05

Thank God the wee one is safe, well done to you and what a fine pair of judgey-pants!
I've got two ds and had my own share of heart-stopping moments/20 minutes. Happened in very busy places eg family days out type of places.
After the first one, I always dressed them in bright easily-spotted tops and both exactly the same so that I could say I'm looking for a younger/older version of him. That worked a treat!
Sometimes they'd protest about wearing the same tops as they got older but I just said tough, here are the reasons why.
I also take a pic of them when we get somewhere so that I can show people exactly what they look like if they wander off. That has helped when ds (8) wandered off at an airshow and i could show police and stewards etc. He actually went up to a policeman himself to give our names and my mobile number, the policeman was very impressed!
I've taught them that if they lose me, to stay exactly where they are and I'll find them.
They've also both known their full names/addresses and my mobile number since they were 3. I realised that they needed to know my mobile number as well as the landline the first time it happened. (Ds1 had scooted off on his scooter and I couldn't understand how he'd got out of my sight so quickly, it was a flat open area. )
They also both knew my and dh's full names and where we worked.
I'd ask them these questions every time we went out in the car. It was mostly just me on my own as dh works weekends, they were close in age and it was hard keeping an eye on them both at times.
They learned the phone numbers by singing them in the car.
They were sensible boys apart from when they were wandering off and a few times, I'd get an announcement over a tannoy in a soft play centre or supermarket etc. They're older now so it's not such an issue, and I always take them up to say hello to police if we see any when we're out. I do, of course, still keep a very close eye on them!
I'm only posting these comments as other parents might find some of these ideas useful. It was my cousin's wife who reinforced the idea of putting something really bright on them. Losing sight of your kids is terrifying.

Crazypetlady · 31/03/2016 21:08

Poor mum probably thought she could trust them too

littleshirleybeans · 31/03/2016 21:09

And I quite often take other kids with
me because I'm a mug and I'm even more careful with them!!!
I sure as hell don't let mine go with anyone else's mum not that they offer

SylviaWrath · 31/03/2016 21:26

We lost our five year old and no-one noticed for a good 15 minutes. We were in a large group that split into smaller groups and everyone thought someone else had her, due to a miscommunication and too many children.
I was mortified, and very upset. Nobody overtly judged me though, thankfully, since i felt bad enough. Probably just posting online about my utter shitness though?

Original poster

ChasingPavements123 · 31/03/2016 21:41

Sylvia I am sorry for your situation but you immediately showed a panic/ regret when you realised. I think the lack of that was one of my big concerns - these people didn't seem mortified at all or embarrassed or concerned. They had, as a group, got onto a truck to travel to another part of the park - they only realised when someone boarded that bus (a bus they had to board about half a mile from where I found the child and I think where he had wondered away from them) and asked about this child by full name. I do understand how these things can happen but I also think people should reflect and learn. Likelihood is this child was missing for well over 30mins - he is three years old, I'm sorry but whatever the reasons I didn't see this as excusable. Did I make her feel bad when she collected him? I don't know - but I certainly hope I made her reflect on herself.

OP posts:

KERALA1 · 31/03/2016 21:45

Inexcusable. They should be prosecuted. My nephew is 3 my blood runs cold thinking of him alone next to water.

My Dd fell into a river when a little younger - I fished her out but was a split second she was playing with a stick.

RupertPupkin · 31/03/2016 21:48

Sylvia that's a totally different situation, as the OP clearly explained.

Well done OP. I hope the mum gives her 'friends' an earful.

Fwaffy · 31/03/2016 21:58

I'm so glad to hear how this all turned out- especially the park for being so thorough in their follow-up. Heart-in-mouth at reading the OP.

Now, to remove my massive judgey pants wedgie.

JerryFerry · 31/03/2016 22:35

sylvia's story is often the case behind tragedies involving children, particularly drownings at private pools(friends round, one parent or friend thinks someone else is watching the child) and beaches (one adult takes kids to make sandcastles, one child wanders off, both/all adults assume child is with other adult.) and burns tragedies such as at BBQs.

I have noticed over the years that many people simply do not care for your children as you might wish and I'm afraid I don't trust many people with my kids.

I accompanied my 5yo to a pool party despite the birthday parent assuring me it wasn't neccessary. 10 kids in the pool and I was the only adult watching. The other adults were drinking and chatting.

My 9yo went to a sleepover party and it turned out that the children slept downstairs, stayed awake till 5am and then the mother woke them at 7am and forced them to swim in their cold pool to punish them for staying awake all night. Until then I had considered her a nice, normal person!

99percentchocolate · 31/03/2016 22:46

God this is the stuff of nightmares. The other day I lost 4 year old DD for a split second in a crowd (I'm on crutches and couldn't hold her hand) and it was heart stopping.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 01/04/2016 06:54

Well, me and best friend are taking my DC out for the day and this thread has reminded me to tattoo write my mobile number on DD. First time I've ever done that as up to now I've only had her to look out for.

So thank you OP for this thread! Your good deed keeps on giving!

jennyblonde82 · 01/04/2016 12:30

That's absolutely disgusting behaviour from the mum's 'friends'. Poor little boy. How can a 3 year old go missing for that length of time and you don't notice or care? It made really angry to read. I hope the mum finds out and makes better childcare arrangements next time. It's neglect by her friend plain and simple. If a nursery/ childminder had done that I'd be reporting them. Good for you for helping him and I can completely see why you've come here to vent.

mummyto2monkeys · 01/04/2016 13:05

99percentchocolate, you need a littlelife backpack, I was on crutches when my two were tots and I would slip the handle over the elbow crutch handle then they would walk beside me. Alternatively if its a long term condition, a walker with a seat is very helpful, you get the same support as crutches and your toddler can sit on the seat facing you. I had a mobility scooter which I would use and my four year old would stand between my knees when we were out. I even had my baby in a sling when using scooter.

It is so terrifying losing a child, my son is autistic and prone to running off, he needs a carer with him at all times when out. He will hear us shouted looking for him but doesn't realise he is lost because he knows where he is.

I would hope that this poor child's mother absolutely freaked out with the woman he was with. Well done op, and if you have judged pants so do I and I'm not in the least ashamed of them.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 01/04/2016 13:30

I had that drummed into me as a child - that if my Mum and Dad were going in separate places e.g. one to toilet and one to find a spot on beach then we were clear which of us (3) was going with which parent. And last minute "Actually I will go with Dad...." and chasing after him wasn't allowed. Because could end up with both parents thinking the other had the child.

I am really careful doing the same now. I look after 3 kids and often go for days out with nanny friends, we will sometimes split them up and say take the 3 youngest to the small bit of the park and the older ones to the bigger bit. I insist that they stay with me, and insist the kids I nanny for stay with whoever I have assigned them to as if they decide to swap park sides without us talking then if they get lost in the middle neither of us would know.

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