to be annoyed my sister has assumed she will be a god parent to my children?

[possum18]

At a family function recently we were discussing potential dates I had in mind for my twins christening, late summer.
At this point we have not officially asked anyone to be godparents, nor has it been discussed other than in private between DP and myself.
My sister (who I do not get on with overly well) announced we couldn't hold the christening in August as she has two holidays planned and we couldn't hold the ceremony without the twins godmother there! I politely told her that we didn't intend to use existing family as godparents, and she didn't speak to us for the rest of the evening. She's very angry.

Of the people we have preliminarily decided on for godparents, neither mine or DPs siblings are included. I believe that they already have important roles as aunties and uncles and so should guide our children through life and be there for them without this additional title.

I don't want to get into a debate about the role of godparents...etc

But am I being unreasonable to think she is being very presumptuous and kind of rude ?

My SIL wanted to be god mother. I said no my friend x was going to be. She started whining and I hit her with friend x's Christian CV which includes being confirmed in a country where it isn't a cultural norm, missionary work and going to church and running Sunday school. She relented but was GM to the child of other SIL. At the ceremony MIL forced her to take communion by growling if you're GM then you take communion in her ear. She wasn't interested in anything but the title.

The reason my dd (now aged 5) is not christened is because before she was even born several of my friends had nominated themselves as godparents and I didn't have the guts to upset them and choose who I really wanted.

Redexpat, I like MIL!! I'd like even more to have seen SIL choking down the wafer and the wine!😉

I shouldn't think my strongly atheist DSis even considered that she should be a Godparent (my BIL considered that he was making a huge concession by even attending the service)

My DM however expressed surprise that we hadn't asked her and gently said "don't you think your sister will be hurt?". I replied that I would be surprised if she was given that as an atheist she hadn't chosen to have her DC Christened let alone asked me to be Godmother." My lovely DM wisely kept her own counsel on the subject after that - I think she was just relieved that at least one set of DGC would be Christened.

We asked our two best friends.

My lovely and sensible sister (and excellent Auntie) attended the Service and party very happily and brought a lovely, thoughtful and completely secular gift.

I think it was often convention that you would ask you sister, particularly one without children.

You can however ask whoever you like.

My only sibling chose not to ask me and to be honest I was quite hurt. I didn't show it though. And he followed that up with not inviting me at all. Her family got to go and got to be godmother etc. We aren't estranged, see each other a fair amount. I've always felt distant to him and his family after that though. Actions speak a thousand word and his actions told me just what he thought of me!

I had to have my sister apparently , big , big mistake

I love my MIL too breezie

I admire your ability to answer her on the spot ,op.

We had a situation like this when we were planning our second son's Christening. We hadn't asked my husband's sister when we had our first son Christened and my mother in law started mentioning, second time around, that my sister in law expected to be Godmother for our youngest. I don't especially like my sister in law so resisted as much as I could but mother in law started turning the screws on my husband so he then wanted to ask her for a quiet life (he's big on keeping the peace to keep his mother and sister happy) so eventually I had to give in. Like your sister, she likes to be the centre of attention.

She's a bloody crap Godmother and only remembers his birthday once every few years - it's not like she has loads of nieces and nephews to remember either, just our two as her husband is an only child. She actually called in last month with a card for our oldest son's birthday and told the youngest to have a lovely birthday as she was leaving!!

I have a Goddaughter, I don't give her any moral guidance but I do give her a lot of support and attention and I love her to bits, she's 17 and has grown into a really lovely young lady. Having two sons myself, it's lovely to spend time with her doing girly things.

Agree that you can lose touch with godparents outside the family as l have seen this happen a good bit in my extended family. By the time the child is old enough to realise who their godmother is she has moved to another part of the country and they never meet.
Of course you can pick who you like but l wouldn't have the baptism while she is on holiday as that would be a double blow.

I had my sister and BIL as our first child's godparents. My thinking was that friends can come and go but they'd always be in his life. Huge huge mistake!

I have 2 god-daughters and see the younger fairly regularly, my older GD is a different story, and it isn't through lack of interest or will on my part and makes me really sad.

Hell would freeze over before I would have either of my sisters as a godparent

YANBU I have when I told my sister I wasn't making siblings godparents she told me why would you we are already aunts and uncles. Just ignore and have it when you want it!

YANBU. You can choose whoever the hell you like, although personally I think it's better to choose family members as so many people choose friends who then disappear out of their lives. As you say the family are far more likely to be around anyway, which I actually think is a good reason to choose them. BUT that's just my opinion and you can do whatever you like and your sister is being a stupid baby and needs to grow up and get over herself. I don't have children yet but don't believe in god parents anyway and won't be having for our children (I am not Christian and DH is not a member of any religion).

YANBU, definitely not.
I can't stand this sort of entitlement. DP and I had this from presumptious family members as well as friends of DPs. (He's a godparent to a few and there's a hidden code that says you MUST reciprocate this honour to the parents who bestowed it onto you . There was also uproar when un-godparented friends found out the baptism was a low key family-only affair...some of them still bring it up when we get together!! Get the fuck over yourselves people!!!

I think it's awful to see grown adults throw tantrums when they don't get their own way...

FWIW I do think it's sad when parents choose friends to act as Godparents, only to fade away a few years later. I come from a large enough extended family so my parents chose their nieces and nephews to stand for my sis and I, which is a nice touch because it builds a relationship stronger than just being cousins

Very odd behaviour. We purposefully didn't choose siblings as they were already going to be heavily involved- and my sister is deeply religious!

Have sent some screenshots of this thread to my mum, who has since remembered my sister is the least religious person ever (which is fine and her choice).
She's said I'll need to be very diplomatic when letting my sister know who we have chosen, which ofcourse is fair.

Thank you for your responses, helped me see from both points of view a little better