To be, and stay, annoyed with DH until he realises and apologises?

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Dh off for the school holidays, Im still working. My job means sometimes I finish and get home at midnight, then have to leave at 7am. On these nights I am lucky if I manage 5 hours sleep.

Ds wakes screaming at 6am, my alarm is set for 6.30. I ask dh if he can get ds up to give me that last 30 mins to snooze. Apprently this is not fair and I should be the one to get up. He huffs and puffs, I end up getting up with DS.

Had I been in bed at a reasonable hour last night Id have done it without question, but these "turnaround" shifts are brutal enough in themselves without then having to do the early wake with the baby - especially as dh is on annual leave.

In cross. Aibu? At the moment I dont even want to look at dh.

In general it sounds like you both do a fair amount and have a pretty good system / split.
Yes he should have got up at 6, but probably was thinking that is what he does when he is working and right now he sees it as a reverse to the normal situation. I.e. you are going to work so you do the firs bit and then he does the "get up, deal with the kids and do the housework " that you normally do.

as others have said best not to hold a grudge over what happens early in the morning when you are both tired - particularly you - take a deep breath and imagine how little this would bother you if you had just had 12 hours sleep

OP he was being incredibly selfish and an apology that isn't really an apology just makes it worse. Not sure what you can do about it though...

At least you were both asleep though... In our house I go to bed very early (about 9pm) because I start work (from home - big IT company but I'm a homeworker working condensed hours) at 6.15am. DH starts work even earlier but doesn't need as much sleep so goes to bed about 11pm. If DD wakes up between 9pm-11pm he will carry on watching the TV and expect ME to get up, even though I'm already asleep, to see to her.

He claims he doesn't hear her but she went through a stage of suffering night terrors and believe me, the whole street could probably hear her!!! Now that is REALLY selfish. Git.

Penny , they cant do an exemption on your behalf, YOU have to sign the working time direction for YOU to opt out of working less than 11 hours between shifts. This is your choice not your employers choice to do this, also if you have signed the WTD, you can opt out of it at any time.

YANBU.

*directive

not direction

working time directive info

Hospitality is exempt and it states this on all the bumf Ive ever read - a short period between shifts is permitted where it is due to a shift pattern change and as long as sufficient rest period is given within the week they are allowed to do it.

Hi Penny, I don't think YWBU this morning, but when you have young kids, it usually feels pretty damn hard for both parents, even when they are pulling their weight fairly equally. I can't judge from over the Internet how much housework/ how equal childcare is between you and your DH, but I do know that this period with tiny little ones is hard and you have to cut each other some slack and not nit pick if the house isn't up to your standards while he is doing childcare in his holidays. It's up to him. As long as the kids are looked after, he throws a wash on and puts nappies in the bin, it's enough. I sometimes think it is very easy to pull apart every little last thing your partner does wrong, and by the end of it when the children are a bit bigger, you are left with quite a bitter marriage. Better to let it wash over you, because I promise when they are all over five it won't be half as gruelling and you won't remember this incident, but the arguing and resentment do stay.

Penny it isn't exempt, You have to choose to be exempt from it, I used to work in this area (only recently left, and I done all the HR work for contracts etc..)

Only a few are exempt but hospitality is not one of those exemptions.

[https://worksmart.org.uk/work-rights/hours-and-holidays/working-hours/which-groups-workers-are-not-covered-working-time-rules those who are exempt guidelines]]

On a normal morning I might seem his point but you didn't get home until midnight on those days when you do these turnaround shifts he needs to be a bit more understanding!

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1998/1833/regulation/22/made

Shift work pattern makes me exepmt as detailed.

I can understand him thinking as you're getting up in 30 min anyway you can get up, although if you didn't come home from work until midnight last night and he went to bed earlier then he is being unreasonable.
I don't get why you think baby having a pooey nappy is his fault though. Surely you change a baby's nappy then put it to sleep for the night, you don't do random nappy inspections when the baby's asleep as you said he sleeps through the night.
In future maybe you agree to take it in turns to get up during the night and early morning regardless of who is off work.